Golden Ages Oneshots - FNAF
by dersitePrince
Summary: A collection of all my Five Nights at Freddy's Golden Ages Universe oneshots I've written.
1. Spring is Upon Us

****I wanted to elaborate a bit on Alfred's best friend, Spring. Her big roles were cut from the original story from a change in plot, and the plot changed AGAIN, so Spring will come back later on in chapters nine and ten for a big reveal and emotional scene for the characters. I've said to**** ** **o**** ** **much already, so let's do this shit.****

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If Spring was too much of anything, it was subtle. She'd always had a subtle admiration for Alfred, and a strong respect for his authoritative brother, Fredrick. However, Alfred had his own crush, and it hurt Spring's heart to know she'd never see the day she was with Alfred. It'd been long-developed, and Spring wasn't about to needlessly complicate things between them. So instead, she tried being a best friend, first. She think she succeeded in that round.

The day she saw Alfred sitting with everyone at their table, including the one he loved _,_ she didn't bother even saying "hi." She ate her lunch in staggering silence and the very next period she excused herself to the lavatory to sob. She always tried not to break down publicly, but a crushing blow like that hurt. Admittedly, she _was_ happy for her best friend, but she wished she could be in that white-haired girl's place.

It was only a suspicion, but a very strong one. It was only confirmed when they shared a quick kiss. It shattered her heart across the floor, and she threw out her lunch and sat in the corner, crying to herself. It wasn't the fact that she couldn't be with him that hurt her, it was the feel of abandonment. Her best friend deserted her for a girl he liked more than her. There had been so many moments Spring had been there to help him, so why wasn't he there for her? She wanted to confront him, but couldn't get the courage. She had social anxiety, and that's why she'd sat alone until Alfred came along in her life.

She didn't have any other friends, but Alfred sat with her everyday to help her through her problems. She just wanted to got back to that... To relive the happy times. But, all good things must come to an end, she supposed. Even if it is a bitter end that comes as slowly as a hard slap to the tits.

Her mom and dad died when she was in middle school, so she had no one to help her through the stresses of puberty and growing up. Something had snapped when she'd witnessed that brief kiss, something she had no idea was within her. She was so... pissed, upset, and disgusted all at once. She wanted to slap Maggie so hard, and she wanted to outright ignore Alfred. The second one wouldn't have much impact, as he'd deserted her.

She felt like personally strangling Maggie, but she had no reason to. She'd done nothing wrong. It was Alfred at fault... right? He'd deserted her and outright ignored her existence, just like everyone else…. Maybe it wasn't Alfred who was at fault... She wouldn't even _be_ in this situation if she was fully honest with him, or had the courage to sit with everyone else.

 _ _Dammit, why'd I have to be such a loser? Now wonder Alfred abandoned me... He was disinterested__ , she thought, laying her head on the table. But, one faithful day, she got a text from Alfred. She'd thought he'd finally realised. Or maybe was at least inviting her over for something? She hoped and prayed it was a change of heart. She unlocked her phone and stared at the message. He'd just invited her over for dinner. She immediately began tapping away, _"Be right there."_ And she grabbed her coat and ran to Alfred's house.

When she got there she rang the doorbell and shifted on her feet excitedly. Alfred was the unlucky answerer. "Spring, you don't have t- whoa," Alfred was interrupted by Spring throwing her arms around him. She whispered softly, "Thank you," or that's what Alfred heard.

"Your welcome, I just figured it'd been awhile since we talked last and-"

"Awhile? _Awhile?!_ Alfred Fazbear, do you know the torture I've fucking been through?! I'm supposed to be mad at you right now, but I tried to suppress my anger for one evening to be civil and try to have a nice conversation with you, and try to forget your desertion! But, __no,__ you just couldn't keep your big fucking mouth shut, could you?! Well, I may as well just fucking leave!"

"Spring, I just wanted to hang out. What the hell is going on? Do you wanna talk about it? In private, of course..."

Spring sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Yeah," she said finally.

Alfred led her back to his room, and sat down with her on the bed. "Now, what's up?" Alfred asked. Spring was already in tears.

"I-I just didn't w-w-want things to ch-change between u-us," she stuttered through heavy sobs.

"Oh... This is because I started dating Maggie, isn't it."

Spring nodded.

"Look, Spring, I- things-" Alfred sighed. He wasn't sure what to say. "Spring, I promise you, I won't let a thing change between us," he said finally.

"You're a f-fucking liar."

"What is it?"

"I h-have b-been sitting alone at l-l-lunch f-for the p-past _month_..."

"I- uhm- Well..."

"Y-you know I-I have p-problems in the s-s-social aspect of l-life... Y-you're my only f-friend..." Spring sniffled.

Alfred pulled her into a hug, unknowing of what else to do. He'd been such a dick without realising it.

"Heh, well, I guess I am a complete twat, just like Maggie said," Alfred said half-heartedly attempting at lightening up the situation.

"W-wait, w-what?"

"She dumped me the other day. She said she hadn't gotten over her last relationship, which I know is basically, "I tried, but I still think of you as total douchebag."" Alfred looked as if he was gonna cry. Spring had only seen him cry once, and it was over this same girl. He really wouldn't let go. Spring could see the tears welling up in his eyes, he was trying his best not to let them fall, because if he cried, it showed attachment. He was trying to get over Maggie, but at the same time he couldn't stop thinking about her.

Even if she hated him, he still wanted her around. He needed _something–_ no, _someone_ to fill the empty void in his heart, and he was crying over a girl who wanted nothing to do with him. He'd been too pushy, too clingy. He knew he was at fault all the way around, and he just wanted to shut himself away from the world and die there. He deserved the cruelest torture. He'd made everyone put up with him for his own selfish desires so much, he'd forgotten all about everyone else. And he was starting to loose Spring, and possibly his brother as well

He'd seen the way she looked at him. He always thought it was a playful spite, but it was truthfully out of disgust. Spring had shown him the light.

Spring watched as the tears rolled slowly and silently down his face. It was out of silent agony. He knew he hadn't done a good job, and worse, he couldn't fix it. Hearts were broken, irreparable damage done, bridges burned. It was all his fault, as well.

Spring could see the quilt crowding his eyes, usually so full of colour, they now seemed like a bland cave, grey and dark.

Spring could see the lust in his eyes as well. A need for someone closer to him than a brother, closer to him than a best friend. Someone he'd never have. Someone he'd never see again. There was a certain reason he wanted Maggie, and continued to want her after everything he'd done to upset her. After everything he'd done to make her hate him. After all the bullshit he'd pulled.

That was the one thing Spring couldn't see. A reason behind a certain fixation with one girl, and why he'd pretty much ignored the countless other pretty girls. He could've gotten any one of them, so why her?

But Spring also saw he had a desire. A desire to fix what was broken. But there was something he knew he couldn't but would try anyways. It was a familial issue. His hormones only made things worse. They multiplied his needs by tens of thousands, and he was anxious. Anxious and hoping. Towards someone, and it wasn't Maggie. No, it was someone else. Someone he had a deep connection with that he missed.

He wanted something he couldn't have within the realm of the living. Someone long-gone.

"Alfred is everything alright?" Spring asked finally.

"N-no..." he managed through heavy sobs.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"N-No!" he practically screamed. "N-No one u-underst-stands... N-Not you, n-not F-Fredrick... N-no one..."

Someone had hurt him. Spring saw that.

"Alfred, look at me." He had his face buried in a pillow.

"N-no!" he said, muffled by the pillow.

"Please?"

"N-no. Wh-wha's evan th-the poin a-anywah." The pillow continued to interrupt his proper speech.

"Alfie," Spring said running her head through his hair. "There's something I need to ask you."

"Wh-what?"

"Who hurt you?"

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get out."

"Excuse me?"

"I said get the fuck out, you fucking bitch! Get the fuck out of my house, leave me alone, and never fucking talk to me again!"

When Spring heard that, she knew he was dead serious. But she stayed, knowing she'd already ruined a perfectly good relationship between the two of them.

"Alfr-"

"What. The fuck. Did I just. Fucking say? Get the fuck out of my room. Get the fuck out of my house. Don't talk to me ever again. Leave me the fuck alone."

Spring knew she shouldn't have continued, but she had anyways.

"Get out, and let me kill myself in peace," he said coldly.

"Alfred, please don't! I- I- I won't l-let you!"

"Then I'll take you down with me."

"Please, Alfred. This isn't the Alfred I fell in love with. I fell in love with the caring, kind, helpful, friendly, cheerful Alfred. Not the suicidal Alfred!"

"Yeah, well, you fell in love with someone who doesn't exist, hon. Not a day goes by that I don't contemplate death, and how many benefits I have with it over life."

Alfred had the knife to his throat, but Spring didn't know that.

"P-please A-Alfred..." Spring said throatily. "I-f you die, t-too, I-I'll have no one left."

"I already have no one left... P-please…."

"I'm sorry, Spring. It was nice knowing you."

"No!" Spring shouted too late. Alfred dragged the knife across his throat, leaving a deep cut in his windpipe. He quickly fell limp, leaving Spring in heavy sobs and the inability to speak. She was fully speechless, as she'd just witnessed the death of her best friend.

Now she was alone, heartbroken. She had one final idea: she'd join him. She carried a handgun on her at all times. She turned off the safety, and placed it point-blank at the side of her head. She pulled the trigger.

 _ _BOOM__

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 **1,814 words (edited version,** **not including author's notes)**


	2. The Death of a Season

****I know I said I wouldn't be writing for awhile, but this was just sitting in my phone's notes. So, I read over it again and fixed the mistakes. I cried reading over this. And I know I've succeeded at making a sad story when that happens. Don't read if you have, depression, anxiety issues, or similar issues.****

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There wasn't much more I could've done in that time. It hurt me to see my past. To see what I'd come from. To see what I'd become.

I was raised in a near-perfect lifestyle, and now, I was as mess. Obsessing over my best friend like a spoiled brat. But, it wasn't then that I thought of these words. Up until now, I knew I'd been acting a fool, at the very least. Crying like a whiny baby at every turn. Yes, I did have anxiety issues, but that shouldn't have stopped me from moving forward. I felt like a social anchor to my friends. Holding everyone up just because I had issues. Fredrick dedicated most of his time to keeping me happy.

Oh, Fredrick. I hope you can forgive me for what I did. I'm sure you understand. I was just trying to thank you.

I died with that one regret. The regret of ripping away the one he loved. I was only trying to thank him. I guess in my cloudy, lustful mind I was right. My hormones overtook my emotions. "He'll forgive me. That's the type of person he is," I told myself. Yet, here I stand, in the arms of death, and he's still angry. He led me to my death…. How heartless. It was a mistake.

I can view his mind and thoughts. I can see everyone and their thoughts as well. They stood and watched him kill me. Let me fall to my death, not thinking twice about it.

I saw Bonnie's thoughts. He was front-row. He had mixed feelings. Fredrick was trying to prove to Bonnie it was him he loved, not me. That it was my fault he was caught in that situation, not his. He definitely showed the former, but Bonnie had witnessed cold-blooded murder from him. He wasn't sure if Fredrick was in the clear or not.

I don't understand how Fredrick thought that'd set things right between him and Bonnie, but he sure regretted it now. He just wanted Bonnie back. He spent his nights alone, now, crying, like I once had. I had tried as well to show Bonnie it was me, not him, but he hadn't bought it. If only it'd worked…. Things would be so much different.

I guess it was– is my fault. Bonnie caught me, not him. Yet, he took it as if it was fault on both of us. Fredrick had tried to reason with him, but it hadn't worked. I tried to reason with him, but it hadn't worked. Nothing had worked. I feel Fredrick's pain. But he doesn't know that. I shouldn't either. None of this should be happening.

It was a mistake, I was a mistake, and I knew it true, no matter how much my parents had told me I wasn't. Everything I did, everything I said, anything involving me, ended up as a mistake. Even in death, mistake. I was glad to be dead. Welcomed it. It understood me like no one had, and knew more about me than anyone had bothered to ask. I could talk to death, it always knew what to say. I considered it my friend. A friend in which, I hadn't seen in a long time, yet I still talked to. Now, we were reunited and I finally had a friend. That was all I had wanted out of the world. Had I known death would give me what I wanted, I would've ended it all a long time ago.

I was always the outcast, always the one everyone talked about, not to. They always murmured about how much of loser I was. How bad at life I was, as if it were a race and I had fallen into last place, and stayed there. I always sat alone, all throughout life. I had no siblings, so I spent my time alone in my room, always thinking about how things could've been different if I wasn't a mistake. The awkward phase of my life was the entirety of it. The only two in the world that remotely understood were Fredrick and Alfred. I would never properly see Alfred again, and Fredrick turned on me because everything that'd been said was true.

"It's okay," Death had told me. "I'm here now. I understand."

I ignored it, I just wanted to think. But it knew that. I knew it understood me better than I understood myself, and that was okay. It gave me peace of mind to know now there would be someone to talk to. Someone who would talk to me. Someone I could be friends with. I sighed. I looked back into the thoughts of Fredrick. He regretted letting me die. I wish I could tell him it was okay, and that I had everything I needed.

He thought about what I'd told him and Alfred long ago. I hadn't had much of anyone until they came along. He cursed at himself, calling himself a fool. An idiot. He'd turned on me originally, and now thought that killing me was a bad thing. No, it was great. I had all the friends I wanted and needed. And I had death, my new best friend, as Alfred was so oblivious. Death would never be oblivious. Death wouldn't ignore me unless I wanted to be ignored. Death would be my friend.

What was I doing? Calling death a friend? Had I stooped this low? Yes. Yes I had. No one understood in the world, nor cared to understand. Not even the ones I considered my friends in the world. They were just people who'd talked to me a few times and made me feel less lonely on the outside. But on the inside, nothing changed I was still lonely, never finding someone with the same qualities as me, nor the same wants as me. Now, in death, I had nearly everything I wanted in life. Except for one thing.

Alfred was still walking along the earth. I wouldn't see him again. My thoughts were interrupted, however, by a bright, yellow glow. I covered my eyes, the light too bright for them to adjust easily. When it cleared, there stood Alfred, smiling warmly. "Hey, Spring," he said.

"Alfred-" I choked in tears, I was crying. I knew this wasn't real. Death had created things to make me happy before, and I saw through all of them. But, it showed it cared. It wanted me to be happy.

He rested his hand on my shoulder. I brushed him off, "You're not real!" I hissed.

"I can assure you, Spring, I am fully real."

"If you are real," I sniffed, "Then, how? Why hadn't you shown up before now, when I missed you–" I sniffed again, "...the most?"

"Because, Spring. I am real. If I had shown up when you missed me most, you wouldn't think of me as real, you'd be too busy missing me, wanting me to be here, that you'd think it's another falsehood by death."

"Why are you even here anyways? Shouldn't you be doing what you do on earth?"

"I am. I am in the midst of both death and life, so I can be in both at once. It's called rebirth. If you come with me, you can be reborn as well." He smiled and held out his hand.

"But, why can't you stay with me? I have everything I ever wanted here. I'm happy, for the most part. Someone to talk to, someone who understands... Someone who'd never leave me."

"If you think death is your friend, Spring, you're sorely mistaken."

"I can't make mistakes here. My whole life was a mistake. Here, I'm accepted. Here, I feel at peace."

"If you felt at peace, you wouldn't be here. You are lingering, Spring. You don't wanna leave, but you do at the same time. It's a layer of death."

"No, I am at peace. I have friends here. I was alone in the world, a mistake. If you won't stay, then leave." I was starting to cry. He'd invaded my happy space and written it off as a falsehood my mind created to keep me sane. He was breaking my heart more than he had already.

"Spring, you weren't a mistake. You weren't alone. I was there."

"Liar! After you started going out with Maggie, you left me alone. I was on my own."

"Spring, listen to me. I was blind when I was living. You're still blind. I love you, Spring. But my opinions overtook my feelings. I was biased towards Maggie because she reminded me of someone I lost. Someone I held very dear. And when she was gone, I was devastated."

"You don't love me! You don't understand!"

"I understand now, just come back with me, Spring. You'll be happy, I promise."

"No!" I screeched, sobbing now. "You don't understand! No one does! I am happy here!" I was doubled over, with my hands over my eyes to vainly try stopping the tears. I felt his arms wrap around me, his soft lips against my forehead.

"A-Alfred?" I stuttered.

"Yes, Spring?" He softly, soothingly said, his voice not rising past a whisper.

"D-do you r-really l-l-love me?"

"I wouldn't be here, if I didn't."

"H-how can I s-stay with you... F-Forever?"

"Take my hand."

He held out his hand behind me. I reached out and took it, another flash of bright, white light blinding me. I never left his arms, feeling safe in their shelter.

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 **1,589 words (edited version, not including author's notes)**


	3. A Dream Gone on the Wind

****Hey, hey! Honestly, I think this one of the saddest thing's I've pushed to date. Be careful!****

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Spring woke up, after yet another vivid dream. She sighed, knowing that these wet dreams would never quit. She wished she could have a way to stop them, but she knew it was impossible. She looked at the time. It was 2:00 AM. Today would be Alfred's twenty-first birthday. Also the day he and Maggie were to be married. Her heart twinges at that thought. The thought of losing him to another woman. The thought of her dreams never coming true.

She decided it was better late than never. She had to call him before then. The best time would be now. She'd wake him up, but it's a small price to pay. She'd die alone either way, but it'd be worth a try. She'd make use of that knife in her drawer after she got home from the wedding.

She wondered what death would feel like. What would happen, where she'd go. She guessed she'd find out today.

She picked up her phone and dialed his number. They hadn't spoken in three years, not since his nineteenth birthday. No wonder she always went back to that day in her dreams. He picked up, thank God.

"Spring, you do realise it's two in the morning right now, right?" He croaked.

"Yeah, but this couldn't wait. I'm sorry we haven't spoken in three years. I didn't want to call you because I thought you were busy. I was hoping you'd call, but you never did. Happy birthday, by the way. But, that's not why I called..."

"Well, what do you need?"

"I need to tell you something I should've before I lost you three years ago: I love you, Alfred. I have for three years. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you," Spring choked back tears.

"Why are you telling me now?"

Spring swallowed hard, "I just had a vivid dream about you. About what could've happened three years ago today. About you and me," she gulped, "having sex."

She didn't want to hear his next thought. He probably thought of her as weird.

"I'm sorry. Have a happy birthday and a great wedding. I'm glad to see you happy."

She hung up before she started crying, and when she did start, she was sobbing. She curled up, wanting more than anything just to taste his lips against hers once. But now he was getting married. She sobbed harder, choking on her tears, suffocating in the endless silence of her lonely apartment. She needed someone in her life. Someone whom she trusted and whom she loved. The only one that fit the bill was Alfred, but he had someone else. She wasn't about to go to sleep, so she just laid in silence, imagining what her life would've been like had she'd just been more confident.

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She picked out a nice, black dress that had a short skirt on the end. She changed and brushed her hair. She didn't bother with too much makeup. She put on some black eyeshadow, but that was it. Her skin was nearly clear anyways. The dress had a sparkle to it, and a bow on the back of her neck. It was uncomfortable, but she looked presentable. She wore flat ballet shoes, as shoes with a heel were uncomfortable, unaffordable, and she couldn't walk in them.

She looked in the mirror one last time. She looked more as if she was going to a funeral rather than a wedding. Her somber expression paired with her naturally long eyelashes and black eyeshadow just gave her a more gothic feel.

She'd try to smile during the wedding. After all, Alfred was her best friend, and if she cried now, her eyeshadow would run.

She was pulled out of thought when the doorbell rang. It was probably Fredrick here to pick her up. She ran to the door and rode shotgun in Fredrick's car. She was silent the whole trip. She stared out the window, lost in thought. She didn't hear Alfred's reaction to her dream, and silently wondered what he would've said.

She didn't want to be going to this wedding. It was something out of her nightmares. It wasn't a badly decorated nor a badly chosen spot wedding, it was perfect, and that was what sickened her. They had to have chosen this spot together, and knowing that told her they were both happy and caring in their relationship. But, then again, they were getting married. She chose her spot amongst the family and friends of Alfred. She noticed that his father hadn't shown. She had taken her seat next to Bonnie. "Hey, Spring. I know you don't wanna be here, but Alfred will be thrilled that you came. Fredrick told me he'd been worried since you called him and told him that you'd been thinking about him and started crying," he whispered to her.

It comforted her a bit, but not that much. She pulled her knees into her chin, trying her best not to burst into tears. She heard Bonnie sigh next to her.

The wedding started, and Spring pretty much tuned out everything until the oh-so famous words were said, and the marriage was made official. That was her breaking point. She stood, and walked out of the room, trying to keep herself together as best she could. Alfred took notice of this and made a mental note to see her when the meal was served. For now, he shared the moment with his bride.

Spring, on the other hand, had run to the bathroom and locked herself in a stall. She rubbed her temples, trying to hold together as best she could. She took out the letter she had for Alfred. She read it over again and put it away. She wasn't going to be around when he read it, and she didn't want to be.

She eventually gathered the courage to leave again and went to the dining hall where everyone was walking around, socialising amongst themselves. Alfred walked by and shoved her out of the doorway, closing the door behind him.

"Hey," he greeted, "I saw you ran off earlier. What happened?"

"I had a call," Spring lied.

"Spring, who could it have been from? You've told me before you only had me and Fredrick, in reality. What really happened?"

"I-I don't wanna talk about it. I'm having a hard enough time already. Just please, leave me alone right now."

"I'm sorry. Meet me on the balcony when you're ready to talk. I want to help you, Spring."

Alfred walked off, and Spring shivered. She had to give him that letter eventually. Maybe as everyone was leaving she could catch him and give it to him. She went back to the bathroom for some privacy.

She thought about Alfred more. She thought about her relationship with him. They were best friends, so he should know her best, right? Then why hadn't he seen? If he did, then why hadn't he said anything? Did he even care at all? He seemed to have, but looks can be deceiving. She remembered how alone she felt before he came along. She had tried to make friends every year of school, but had always been kicked out of the group, or otherwise alienated. Alfred was the only friend she ever had, and the thought of him never truly caring made her rethink everything he'd said to and about her.

She shivered. She couldn't bear the thought of her supposed best friend betraying her. It made her sick to her stomach. But she thought again, maybe she was overthinking this. Maybe he's just ignorant and blissful.

She checked the time. She supposed it was time to pick herself up and go give Alfred the letter. She walked out of the bathroom and up to the balcony. Alfred was staring at the moonrise.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" He asked nonchalantly.

"Yeah," Spring replied.

"Spring, I wanted to tell you something. Something that, I only now realise. I consider you as someone who's there in the good times and bad. You're my best friend. But, I know you feel more than that about me. I love you, but I can't see myself deciding on one over the other, if we've started in the same place. Spring, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love you, but I can't go out with you."

Alfred sighed, and cursed under his breath. He'd been thinking a long time about what he'd say, and he'd messed it up anyways. Spring walked closer and wrapped her arms around Alfred, who smiled weakly. Spring and Alfred stood there in the moonglow, enjoying each other's company.

"One more thing, Spring," Alfred said.

"Hm?"

"Please, don't leave. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

Spring took those words to heart, remembering what she'd planned to do once she got home. She tried not to cry. She was going to break his heart on his wedding day. But, she couldn't go on like this, knowing the man she loves is in the arms of another.

"Alfred, I– I want you to have this," Spring said, handing him the letter. "Do not– I repeat; _do not_ open this letter until I am at home. Understand?"

Alfred nodded. He gave Spring a small smile. Spring didn't smile. She had a sombre look on her face, almost as if she'd cry at any moment now. Alfred's face fell into worry. He took hold of her shoulder.

"Is something wrong?" Alfred asked.

Spring shook her head, a clear lie. She ran off before Alfred could say anymore. She ran into the bathroom and locked he stall door and cried. She couldn't bear the burden of this world too much longer. Thank goodness she wouldn't have to, soon.

Meanwhile, Alfred was searching for Spring. He asked around, seeing if anyone had seen her. He approached Maggie last.

"Hey, honey. Could you do me a favour?" he asked.

"Sure, what is it?" Maggie replied.

"Could you search around for Spring? We were up on the balcony and she gave me a letter and ran off and no one's seen her."

"Where have you looked so far?"

"I believe everywhere, but I'm not sure if I missed something or not."

"Did you go out and check her car?"

Alfred shook his head, "Fredrick picked her up and brought her up here."

"I know where you haven't checked. But it's for obvious reasons."

"Where?"

"The restroom."

"Oh."

"I'll go check there."

Maggie walked through the hallways, checking every restroom she saw. The last one she came to was bound to have something to clue her in. She walked inside and immediately heard the sobbing. She went to the last stall and knocked on the door. "Spring? Is that you in there?" Maggie called.

"Go away," Spring replied. "I know you're only here 'cause Alfred was worried about me."

"Spring, that's not the case. I care, too, y'know."

"Then why'd you have to marry him?" Spring replied, her temper slowly getting out of control.

"Spring, are you implying you're in love with Alfred?"

"What if I am?"

"Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry. But, Alfred came to me with it. I didn't propose to him."

"You could've said no."

"You know how fragile he is. Plus, I love him."

"Last time I checked you were fucking with another guy behind his back."

Maggie froze. It'd been true, but that had ended a long time ago, seeing as it was just a temporary thing to keep her from losing her shit, as Alfred wouldn't have sex with her. "It wasn't because I didn't love him-"

"It was because he wouldn't obey. You treat him like a pet. I've seen the way you act around him. I've heard about the things you pressured him into doing. You're not a good person, Maggie. I know that."

"It's not like that, I swear-"

"Oh really? Then why does he do almost everything you say without question? And when he does question or not do what you want him to, why do you go behind his back and have someone else do it? He's a human, Maggie. He has feelings, too. And I might tell him what you did."

"Please, don't! I've changed-"

"Sure," Spring said, stepping out of the stall. She slapped Maggie across the cheek. She felt the rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins. She'd wanted to do that for a long time now.

She walked out of the bathroom and to the dining hall. She found Alfred and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and hugged her.

"I was so worried about you, Spring," he said.

"I know, Alfred. But, there's something I should tell you about Maggie. But, I think we need a more private space."

"Oh? Well, o-okay then."

Alfred and Spring went to the parking lot.

"You remember that time Maggie was pestering you for sex, and you wouldn't do it?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, she went and had sex with another guy."

"Spring, I don't have time for these silly games to get attention. Tonight is my wedding night. Maggie would never do that."

"She would and did!"

"Spring, please tell the truth."

"I am–"

"Spring," Alfred said with finality. He began walking off. "Alfred!" Spring yelled. She grabbed his suit and tugged on it.

"Stop it, Spring!" Alfred snapped.

Spring reeled back.

Alfred rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I don't have the patience tonight to deal with this, Spring. So just be quiet, and don't bring this up again."

Alfred walked back into the building, leaving Spring alone, crying. Maggie had taken Alfred fully away from her. He never used to snap at her. She sat on the bench, curled up, crying. The old Alfred that she loved was gone. Taken away by Maggie's cold, steely heart. Fredrick soon came out to get some fresh air, and noticed her. He sat next to her, rubbing her back.

"What's wrong, Spring?" He asked.

"Take me home," she said suddenly.

"Why?"

"I don't want to be here, anymore!"

"O-okay."

Fredrick and Spring both climbed into Fredrick's car. Spring cried the whole way back, the tears silently rolling down her face. She thanked Fredrick and went inside. Fredrick went back to the wedding, as to pick up Alfred and Maggie to take them home as well. They'd decided to do this to save on gas money. Fredrick joined back into the social affair of things.

Eventually, Alfred came up to him. "Where've ya been?" He asked

"I had to take Spring home."

"Why?"

"She didn't say. She was crying, so I imagine something went wrong."

"Oh no..."

"What?"

Alfred set his glass down. He went over to Maggie to tell her he'd be unavailable for a bit. "Hey, I've gotta go. Spring left and I'm not sure what was up with her," he said.

"Don't bother with her. She's been acting a bit weird since I talked to her in the restroom. She slapped me, and I don't understand why."

"All the more reason to see."

He and Fredrick hopped in the car and went. Alfred didn't bother knocking, he just went to Spring's room. When he got there, he knocked. No answer. No sound at all for that matter. The door was slightly ajar. He peeked in, and didn't see anyone inside. He opened the door fully, and as he did, he realised why. Spring was lying on the floor, in a pool of blood, a knife in her hand and a cut in her neck. Alfred searched his pocket for the letter. He pulled it out and read it.

 _"_ _ _Hey,__

 _ _If you're reading this, then I'm most likely dead or in the process of dying. I bet you have a lot of questions as to why, so I'll try to answer them as best I can. Alfred, I love you, you know that. But, you belong in the arms of another,__ _ _o__ _ _f the one you love. Not some nobody like me. We were great friends, but I couldn't__ _ _b__ _ _ear the burden of just that forever. Once I knew you were getting married I made my plan; I'd go, but only just to witness it and give you this letter. Then, I'd come home and end it all. It wasn't just you, but you were the main reason. I love you more than my own life, and when I knew I couldn't have you, I knew that life wasn't worth living.__

 _ _Just forget about me,  
Spring Tracy.__ _"_

* * *

 **2,763 words (edited version, not including author's notes)**


	4. What Went Wrong?

Spring lazed about on the sleek, black, leather couch in her living room. Her eyes were shut, and her green hair was sprawled about. She was awake, but didn't acknowledge the world around her as it moved. The sun was setting outside, and a beautiful sight it would've been to behold. However, she didn't go outside and envelope it's breathtaking behold.

She thought about her chances with her best friend, mainly. He currently had a relationship, and she didn't want to intrude on that, but she still thought about after the fact. Of course, she didn't take into account the fact that they may never call it off. She didn't want to think about that.

Her phone buzzed, a text from the very friend she thought about. She grabbed it from the round, wooden end table at the end of the couch. She quickly unlocked the device, and read the message.

"Hey, Spring," it read.

"Howdy!" Spring replied.

"So, are you going to the end-of-year party at Tony and Bonnie's place?"

"I'm not sure yet. I'm not too good in social situations. You know that."

"Right, right. Sorry, it's just been awhile since that was brought up. It's easy to forget."

"That's alright. But, end of the year, huh?"

"Yeah. Graduation is soon. Are you ready?"

"No, but, I guess I have to be..."

"Haha, yeah. I suppose so."

"What do you have planned for the summer?" Spring asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Nothing much. Probably just hanging out a bit with Maggie," he replied.

 _ _Oh, no….__ Spring thought. She didn't want him to hang out with her. She felt as if Maggie was taking him away from her.

"That's cool. I wish I could find someone like you did..."

"I believe you will, someday!"

"Thanks. Um, I gotta go..."

"Alright."

And the conversation ended there. In truth, Spring had nowhere to be. She just lazed about on the couch, unable to really think of anything. She probably wouldn't hear from him for another year or so. That's what she figured, at least.

In according to the laws of irony, she didn't see any form of conversation from him for the next year or so. He didn't say 'hi,' in the hallways. He didn't text her. Nothing.

* * *

She didn't think much of it until as of late. She'd lay awake late into the night, sometimes early morning, just thinking. Thinking about how much he could've changed. Thinking about the fact he hadn't said anything to her in over a year. It cut deeper the longer she thought.

Could they even be called 'best friends,' anymore? They hardly talked, and each had changed so much that they knew little about each other anymore. The core things stayed the same. Spring still had depression and social anxiety, except now on a deeper level. Her mind would recede to dark thoughts and not return for days.

He was still visibly the same. Optimistic, but still easily disheartened or upset. Just not on as much of an extreme as he once wrought on.

She wanted him back in her life. To help her dark thoughts always took over her, and she couldn't think clearly. She wanted him to be there so she didn't have to think about all of it. To tell her that everything would be fine, and she was just being irrational. She couldn't do it herself.

Not a day went by where she didn't contemplate suicide.

He finally texted her.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she texted back, simply.

"Sorry for being incommunicado for over a year, heh," he apologised.

"It's fine," she lied.

"How've you been holding up?" he asked.

"I've been okay," she lied again. She was far from okay.

"Well, that's okay. Don't forget, you can pester me if you get to feeling depressed. :)"

"Thanks."

"So, what've you been doing?"

"Nothing, honestly. I've been doing homework. Does that count?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

"Alfred," Spring began. She didn't want to finish. She began to think of something different to say.

"Yes?"

"Why don't we talk anymore?"

"I guess," he replied, before beginning a longer text. "I guess it's just gotten away from me. I forget minor things easily, you know?"

"Are you saying that I'm a minor thing?"

"No no no no no," he replied. "Not at all."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Why would you think I'd be calling you minor, Spring?"

"Because you just said 'I forget minor things easily.' You keep forgetting I exist. So, am I not your best friend anymore?"

"NO! That's not what I meant at all! I'm so sorry, Spring. That was extremely poor wording! Honestly, you're one of the best friends I could ever have."

"Prove it to me, Alfred. Have more than one conversation with me per year."

"Spring, you know it's difficult to find that time..."

"My God, Alfred," Spring said. As a finality, she finished with, "I don't fucking care. I'm lonely, and you're my only friend. And I lied earlier, I'm not okay. I've been cutting myself, again. I want to kill myself, y'know? But, I guess I'm just minor, so you don't care. See you in a year."

Spring dropped her phone before tears began to run down her face.

Her phone began to ring. She didn't want to pick up, but she forced herself to do so, anyways.

"Spring, talk to me. I don't think your minor, it's just- things are complicated right now," Alfred tried to console her.

"Why would you want to talk to me?" Spring asked coldly. "After you started dating, you never say anything to me. I feel abandoned, Alfred. I have to take depression medication, now. It's gotten so bad. And it's all because of that."

"Spring, don't try to pin this on anything in particular. Depression takes it's course. Believe me, I know."

"I'm not sure you do. I can't count the number of times I've thought about killing myself. I've even tried to go through with it a couple of times. And, I never felt too bad until after this started. I could always control those urges. But now, I feel neglected, and more unwanted than ever before."

"Spring, I promise, everything will be alright."

"How do you know? I could always wind up dead, just because I know exactly what people think of me. They want me dead, they don't care if I'm there. So I might as well not be."

"Spring, don't think like that. I want you, I care."

"Then why haven't you said much of anything for a whole fucking year?!" Spring was starting to get agitated.

"Because, well- I- I've been trying to spend more time with Maggie."

"And why her? Why wasn't it ever me? Why were you just kinda there? Whenever you were there, all it was was me venting about my problems. Did you ever even pay attention? Did you ever actually care?"

"Of course I did."

"Then you'd understand why I need you there. Do remember how this all started? How I got my depression in the first place? How long it's been going on?"

"I- I- I don't remember. I'm sorry."

"Fucking brilliant. You never paid attention. You never cared. That's all I ever talked about. Or did you forget because it was 'minor?'"

"Spring, look. I would like to talk with you more, it's just- things have been really shitty lately. I'm having relationship problems, and I feel abused-"

"Oh you think you're having a shitty time?! I've been called worthless and unwanted my entire fucking life! I've been bullied to no end! In my entire eighteen years of existence, I've made literally two friends! So you think you've got problems? Alright. Deal with those problems. Once there dealt with, you won't have to worry with me anymore..."

Spring hung up, willing away the conversation. She couldn't believe him. He didn't even care about her.

A full year later, on Spring's nineteenth birthday, she was in her room, cutting herself.

"Nineteen cuts for worthlessness," she said, slitting up her left arm. "Nineteen cuts for being unwanted," she continued, cutting up her right arm. "And one, in attempt to achieve happiness," she said shakily, holding the knife to her throat. She took a deep breath, but before she even pierced the skin, her phone went off. She debated answering.

She supposed she wouldn't be around tomorrow to live the consequences, so she could be as rude as she wished to Alfred right now.

"Hey..." He'd texted her.

"What do you want? I'm in the middle of trying to kill myself," she replied.

"Please, Spring, don't."

"Why shouldn't I? It's not like anyone would care."

"I care. I need you, right now."

"Oh really?! Finally, after two fucking years, you finally decide that you need me?! Too little, too late. I'm going through with this, and you can't stop me."

Just then, her phone began to ring. Spring answered the phone, Alfred's number displayed on the caller ID.

"Please don't do it..." Alfred said on the other line, audibly crying.

"Alfred, what's wrong?" Spring asked, indifferent.

"I- I'm losing you... And, it's all my fault..."

"Yes, it is. What the fuck do you plan to do about it?" Spring was beginning to tear up, realising what she as saying. "I- I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said that."

Alfred sighed. "I forgive you, just stay where you are and _do not_ move. Don't grab a knife, anything. I'll be over soon."

"What's the point, anyways?"

He hung up before answering her question. She sighed and set her phone down. She closed her eyes slowly, tears rolling down her face. She didn't want to live anymore, knowing her existence was pointless and a mistake. She wished for the sweet release from this torture into death, no matter what happened. Eternal darkness? She was fine with that. The tortures of hell? That was okay. She just wanted to be away from this world.

She heard a knock at her door. She didn't get up and answer it. He knew it was unlocked.

He opened the door, and looked at her on the bed. He ran over to her quickly, a worried expression on his face.

"Why are you here?" She asked depressingly.

"I'm here to help you," he replied. "I figured you just needed a friend. Someone to tell you everything will turn out fine, in the end."

"But it won't, Alfred. That's the thing," she said with urgency. "I will live my life in agony, and in two years' of my passing, I'll be forgotten. No one will care. I'll just be a thing of the past."

"Spring, I will always remember you. You're my best friend."

"Ha," Spring scoffed. "You think you won't forget? You already did."

"Wh-what?" Alfred stuttered, confused at what she said.

"You forgot about me. When you and Maggie were dating. I was still there. I saw everything," Spring stated, with a hint of sadness.

"Spring, I didn't forget, I just got busy."

"Yeah, busy trying to get in her pants."

"How wrong you are," Alfred defended.

"Sure. If you weren't so busy, why hadn't you even thought to drop by with a quick 'hello?' Or invite me to sit with you?" She questioned him.

He remained silent. His eyes wandered to the hardwoods.

"Exactly. You don't have anymore fucking excuses. You forgot about me, just admit it."

His expression wavered. "Fine! I did! Happy, now?!" He burst out.

"Not really," she said. "I just wanted to feel right for once. It's not as good a feeling as I thought. I suppose that's the depression at work."

"Spring, we need to get you to see a doctor."

"Why?" She asked. "There's no point. Our existence is meaningless. In thirty years time, a new generation will be born. We will be nothing but of the past. And, in the grand scheme of things, our actions are minuscule. So why even bother trying?"

"Because, Spring. It gives you a sense of accomplishment, progression-"

"Not if you know that it won't impact anyone else."

"Spring, you can't have that mindset," he replied.

"Why?"

"You need to come in from an optimistic angle, otherwise you'll have a sour outlook on life."

"But the thing is, I shouldn't be here. I was a mistake, and, I've known that for so long. You can't deny the truth."

"What makes you think you were a mistake?"

"You know a couple years ago when I asked if we could talk, and we talked about safe sex and the like?"

"Vaguely, but yes."

"Well, I was a result of a failure in trying that," Spring sighed. "To put it bluntly, I was the result of a broken condom."

"Spring, I don't see how you would think that-"

"Because I heard my parents say it!" Spring practically yelled. She sniffed, "One day, when they were still alive, they were arguing. I was fourteen at the time, and they got onto the subject of me. That's when I started paying attention. They even knew I was in the room, too. I can still hear it now, what they said exactly."

"It's your fault, you know?!" Spring's mother yelled.

"What is my fault?!" her dad replied.

"That she's even here," her mother shot back, pointing to Spring.

"How could I have controlled that?!"

"I don't know, I just have the feeling you did it on purpose!"

"It still doesn't matter! She should be our top priority, even if we didn't necessarily want her!" Spring's dad said. That's when she snapped.

Tears filled her eyes, and she ran upstairs to her room, slamming the door and locking it behind her. She slid down the door, pulling her knees to her chin and sobbing. They didn't want her? How could they say that? She felt unloved, like a piece of garbage.

She wanted nothing more than to die. After all, it wouldn't matter. She had no friends, her parents didn't want her, what was stopping her? Her parents eventually realised what they'd said, and came up to her room to try and console her.

They offered her gifts, anything so she'd just forgive and forget.

"Sweetie, please come out," her mother pleaded. "We'll get you anything you want!"

"Will you give me a family that wants me?!" she yelled from the inside, before continuing to sob.

"C'mon, Spring. We didn't mean what we said," her dad told her.

"Then why would you say it?!" She asked. "Why would you even go there?!"

Her parents eventually gave up, and she didn't come out of her room until dinner. And even then, she just got her food, and returned to her room.

The next day, they tried to convince her to come out so she'd go to school.

"Spring, you'll be late for school," her mother said.

"Why should I care?" She asked coldly. "All that ever happens is that I get bullied for being awkward, useless, and stupid. And they're right."

"Spring, you know they aren't, right? They're just do it to get under your skin," her mother replied, trying to soothe her.

"Oh yeah, well _clearly_ you wanted me, as do they," Spring replied sarcastically. "If anything, they're right. I'm useless, awkward, stupid, and unwanted. Why don't I just kill myself?"

"Spring-"

"Shut up," Spring interrupted.

When Spring finished her story, Alfred was holding her tighter than before.

"Spring, I love you. I want you. I don't think you're stupid, I don't think you're useless," he said lovingly.

Spring's point of view still hadn't changed.

"I still don't want to be here. But I appreciate the thought," Spring said.

"But, Spring, if you were truly gone, I wouldn't know what to do with myself," Alfred replied.

"You've said that before, and it holds just as much meaning now as it did then: none whatsoever."

"Why would you say that?"

"You say it all the damn time. It's become a catchphrase by this point."

"I only say it because if the truth it holds. I- I love you, Spring. I can't believe I'm only realising this now."

"Like I said earlier, too little, too late. I'm already in the mindset that I'm unloved."

Alfred kissed Spring.

"Don't do it," he pleaded through his crying. "I- I love you..."

"Bullshit."

"Please..." Alfred's voice was giving out. "If you kill yourself, then I will, too..." He threatened through his rasps.

"No... You have things to live for. You have Maggie, and Fredrick. People who love you. I'm just a sad, pointless, unloved waste."

"No, Spring... I love you. I want you around. Maggie dumped me, Fredrick's never around anymore. I only have you... If you die, I might as well be dead."

"I guess I won't, at least, for now. But, when Fredrick comes back, I'm doing it."

"I'm sure you'll change your mind by then."

"I'm not so sure."

"Trust me, trust me."

 **2,823 words (edited version, not including author's note)**


	5. Not What I Wanted

****Sooooooooo sorry for not having a Halloween story. Honestly, I had one, but lost motivation and inspiration for it. Also, you probably don't wanna hear it, but ALBTU Remastered will**** ** _ _ **hopefully**__** ** **receive an update soon, given I can commit myself to it. Honestly, I've come to really dread writing it. But, I'll tack on a note about my other stuff.****

* * *

Spring sat up in a sweat, the events of the past two weeks just now setting in. She'd been abusing the privilege Alfred had allowed her to have just to spend time with him. What was she doing? Why didn't she just tell him that she just wanted to spend time?

It was fun the first time. Spring had enjoyed every second of it. However, the pleasure slowly faded with every visit. By a week, she'd slept with him every night. She gave him a break for the weekend, but ended up back in his bed the following Monday. She knew he was getting tired of it, but she had no better excuse just to spend time with him.

The Saturday of that week, she came over again. That's when Alfred took matters into his own hands.

He opened the door, sighing when he saw Spring on the other side.

"Hey," she said depressingly.

"Look, Spring, we need to talk," Alfred stated firmly.

"Wh-what about?" Spring stammered, knowing what was coming.

"About these little escapades. Come in, sit down."

"O-okay..."

Spring did as she was instructed, but somewhat hesitantly. As Alfred sat down in the chair across from her, she felt herself shiver. She knew what he was gonna say. She'd have to be ready to defend herself.

"Alright... This isn't easy for me to say," Alfred said calmly. "Spring, this gig with us has to end. I get it, you need someone around to indulge you now and again, but this is is getting ridiculous. In these past two weeks, I have to cancel three dates to keep you satisfied. I can tell my relationship is on the decline, and Maggie is figuring us out quick."

Spring sighed. "The whole reason I've been coming over like is because you wouldn't spend time with me otherwise," Spring managed, wanting to cry. "If I didn't make the excuse that I was horny, you'd just send me home. At least when I say I need sex, you pay attention."

Alfred sighed. "But that gave you no right to take advantage of the privilege. As consequence, you're losing this ability entirely. I can't keep doing this for you. You have to understand my needs, too. That's how any relationship works."

"Like I would know. I don't have any sort of relationship with anyone. Everyone always ignores me, never saying a damn thing. Not even you give me the time of day," Spring stated coldly.

"I do understand that, and I will strive to make it a point to talk more often, but it's not the easiest thing. Juggling school, homework, a part-time job, and relationship is hard enough."

"Then just give me a schedule that works for you. I can manage around it, so long as you just try to say something every now and then. It doesn't have to be every day, just _something_ , at the very least."

"I will try. But this negotiation has no effect whatsoever on my thoughts on this current gig we have going."

"B-but I thought we hashed this out!"

"No, Spring. You abuse a privilege, you get it taken away. I may consider allowing it again at some point, but in the current state of relation I'm in with Maggie, I don't think we can take much more fire. So, until at least that's sussed out, I can't let this continue."

"O-okay..."

Spring tried to keep her composure, but was failing. She had tears fill her eyes, but she dare not let Alfred catch her. Thankfully, he got up and walked away.

* * *

The next day at school, she sat alone. That is, until Fredrick came along and sat at her table, an unusual occurrence. He just sat there emotionlessly, picking at his food. This was strange behaviour for the guy, seeing as he was usually happy and upbeat, and creepily in love with his boyfriend, Bonnie.

Spring cleared her throat, and Fredrick looked up at her.

"Sorry, didn't realise this was your spot. I'll move..." he said depressingly.

"No, wait, that's not what I was gonna say, Fredrick," she stated. "I was going to ask if you wanted to talk about it. If you don't, that's–"

"I hate Bonnie," Fredrick interrupted.

"I-I thought you guys were–"

"Were. We __were__ dating. But, he goes along and decides he wants a girlfriend. He says 'a boyfriend just doesn't satisfy me the same way.' He's so damn inconsiderate."

"You miss him, don't you?"

"More than anything," Fredrick admitted, sombrely.

"I can't say I know the __exact__ feeling, but I know similar ones," Spring said, trying to empathise with Fredrick. "I always feel rejected, and I miss you and Alfred. You guys are my only friends."

"I guess I feel good knowing I've made a little bit of a difference in your life."

Spring scooted next to him. "It's time for me to return the favour," she stated, before wrapping her arms around him. He blushed, having never thought about Spring as the loving, caring type. He figured she was the one who needed the most care and attention. He knew everyone had problems, but Spring seemed to be in an endless loop of problems.

He knew what transpired last night between her and Alfred, and he could sympathise with her. He figured that they were both kind of in need, so he made a bold decision.

"I know this is a bit sudden, but, d-do you wanna, maybe–"

"Go out?" Spring interrupted. "I mean, I'm not opposed to it, but I still feel as if this is a bit too soon. I mean, you've only just recently been in a breakup-"

"I've been stuck on it for two months."

"O-oh..."

"Yeah. I figure, this could take both our minds off things."

"I suppose. C-could we just hang at my place, though? I- I wouldn't wanna feel intrusive on Alfred and Maggie, like I've been doing for the past two weeks."

"Hey, I know jealousy all too well. I guess it doesn't matter. Wherever you're most comfortable, I'll adjust."

"Th-thanks…"

* * *

That night, Fredrick spent his time at Spring's house. They began by talking about what had happened to bring them into this situation, and the conversation went from there.

"I mean, I guess it is my fault, but it still cuts deep," Fredrick finished.

"I don't really know what to say," Spring admitted.

"You don't have to say anything, Spring. Thanks for letting me vent to you."

"Of course."

"So, what do you wanna do, now?"

"I-I'm not really sure. I've never properly dated someone before, so I don't know what to do," Spring said. Though, a million and one thoughts ran through her head. __That was stupid. He knows that. Stop being so stupid. You don't like him like that, and neither does he. You're just making things worse.__

"Oh, I figured you might be saving that sort of description for someone who you actually __do__ like like that. I mean, I'm not __opposed__ to that, but I figured you might would like to describe Alfred as your first boyfriend," Fredrick said.

"I mean, I never did date him. Dear God, I wish he'd noticed me like that, but, unfortunately not."

"Hey, at least you got me, right?"

"Heh, yeah, I guess. Hey... um..."

"Um...?"

"There's no easy way to say this, but I know you're just using me. Using me as a means to 'move on,' in a sense."

"Spring, that's not true. Admittedly, that was the original intention, but I realise that you don't deserve that. You deserve someone who will treat you right. And I intend to do that to the best of my ability."

"Th-thanks," Spring said, blushing.

She felt Fredrick's soft lips press against her forehead, only making her face redder.

"Please, don't. I don't deserve someone like you," Spring said. "Even if your original intentions weren't very polite, you're still a great person. I'm trash."

"Spring, stop putting yourself down," Fredrick said assuringly. "It only makes things worse."

He began to crawl on top of her as she lied back on the couch. He ran a finger through a strand of her hair, moving it out of her face. He smiled lovingly.

"Plus, you're lovely," he complimented.

Her face was as red as it could be. It was all she'd ever dreamt of with Alfred. Fredrick made her feel good about herself, and that was admirable.

He began to lean in slowly, and Spring knew what was coming. Though, she didn't know if she was that ready. She shifted uncomfortably, and held her hands against Fredrick's chest.

"I- I dunno about that just yet..." she admitted.

"Hmm?" Fredrick said, sitting up.

She sat up, as well. "This just feels forced. Like, we both have something to get over, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, why do we choose to date each other? I just don't think things are gonna work out well."

"How so?"

"I have a lot of… __Questionable__ habits."

Fredrick rolled up her sleeve, revealing scars, fresh and faded alike.

"I can help you," he said. "Please, don't let me go back to being alone. I know you know how it feels to be alone."

"You won't be completely alone. We can still talk. That's the difference between me and you. I've been alone, no one talking to me, and getting outright ignored," Spring admitted. "Those memories won't ever stop haunting me, so I can't break my habits. The habits let me forget for awhile."

"But, Spring, you still need __someone__ to help you break it."

"That's what the 'sessions,' with Alfred were supposed to be... A sort of, substitute. I know it's even unhealthier habit, but at least I felt loved. When I was just cutting myself, it didn't change anything. It finally showed me that someone cared."

"But, wouldn't dating have the same effect?"

"Not if I feel like we're forcing ourselves onto each other... That's what this feels like. I want to just chat like this with you. _This_ feels genuine."

"But, I really don't have much of anything to open up to you about."

"Then, I suppose I can just pour my heart out to you like I did Alfred… __before__ he started hanging out with Maggie."

"You hesitated. Tell."

"It's a __looooong__ story. But, I'll go anyways... It was like any normal day, right? I was sitting alone at lunch, expecting Alfred to at least drop by and say 'hi,' as he usually does. But, he didn't. I watched as he sat down with Maggie. At first, I was fine. In fact, it was like that for a long while. But, around his eighteenth birthday, all forms of communication had ceased, no? So, I text him, wishing him a happy birthday, and," Spring pulled out her phone. "He still hasn't read it... it's been almost a year..." Spring sighed. "You know what? Just, fuck it. I'm getting too into it, too emotional... And over nothing," she said depressingly.

"No, please continue. That's what I'm here for," Fredrick assured her.

"Have you ever felt unloved? Like, no matter what you say or do, no one will ever look at you as someone who's enjoyable to be around? As if you walk into a room, and everyone grows silent, and you know they're all talking about how they hate you?"

"I can't say I have."

"That was an everyday thing for me. I got to pour my heart out to Alfred. He'd sit there and listen to me ramble on for half an hour. Sometimes, we'd call after school, and it'd be longer. I felt a connection with him, as someone who could understand every last word out of my mouth... When I knew that was gone, everything just fell apart. It didn't help the things I started to learn about Maggie."

"Such as...?"

"A year ago, she and Alfred were a pretty strong duo. She started pestering him for sex, and he refused, no?"

"I do remember."

"Well, I eventually learned she went behind Alfred's back and had an affair with another guy. The thing was, he never found out…. I've tried saying things to him about it, but he won't return my calls..."

"Ah. So, this is why you hate Maggie?"

"Yes! She took away my best friend, lied, and cheated on him! It frustrates me so damn much."

"There's not much I can do..."

"He's __your__ brother, Fredrick. At least tell him that I miss him, even though he knows. Tell him that I want him just to talk to me, text me, anything. Any form of long-term communication."

"Spring, I can't force him into anything."

"I know, just let him know... I'd kill for just a conversation where he would listen to my whole side... He says his relationship is failing because of me, but he doesn't understand my will to live is failing because of him..."

"Spring, don't think like that."

"But it's true…. Ever since, I've considered suicide countless times, and tried to go through with it, once."

"Spring, have you considered medication?"

"I forget, you're not Alfred. You're not filled in on everything. Yes, I have tried meds. But, they don't work. They've only made things worse. I've seen doctors, psychologists, therapists. Nothing works."

Spring sounded close to tears.

"Spring it's okay to cry," Fredrick told her.

"No! It's not okay! I promised myself I'd try to make it through tonight without any tears! From me you, or anyone else! And even if I'm not crying yet, I know I will fail. I know I'm too much of a depressed shit to pull through anything," she outburst.

She stood, and walked up to her room, Fredrick trying to stop her. He grabbed her arm, but she yanked it away. She continued to her room, and slammed the door behind her. He heard the lock click.

"Spring, please... Tonight wasn't supposed to go like this... I was supposed to make you happier!"

" _Supposed to?!_ " Spring questioned from the other side. "You make it sound like it was a job!"

"It wasn't. I just wanted to make you feel better in some capacity, and by being here, I've only made things worse! I'm a terrible person..." Fredrick said, turning around and sliding down the door. He put his forehead to his knees, and held his knees in his arms, as tears slowly ran down his face. "All I seem to do is make everything worse. My cousin's depression, Alfred's self-hatred, and now, your depression. Everyone was right. I should just stop trying to make things better," Fredrick stated. "Heh, and here I was thinking I could be someone good. Thinking I could make a difference in lives. A good difference."

"Fredrick, you're a great person, and you've made significant positive difference in my life. More than Alfred did. Tonight, it was me. I promised myself something I knew was impossible."

"Spring, I'm glad to hear that... But it doesn't change the fact I'm a terrible friend, boyfriend, and brother. Bonnie left me because he wasn't satisfied, no? I could've stayed in a relationship if I would've just listened. Alfred hated himself that night of the party, correct? I couldn't cheer him up, and only switched on the sociopath within."

"What of your cousin?"

"That doesn't matter. What matters is, I'm terrible. And, I know the whole 'everyone makes mistakes,' line, but I never learn."

Spring opened the door, and helped Fredrick to his feet. She wrapped his arms, and rubbed her cheek against his chest.

"Tonight wasn't supposed to go like this. We were supposed to vent to each other, be there for one another. But, our own incompetence was our downfall," she said.

"Well, said, Spring," Fredrick replied, running his hand down her back.

Spring pulled away, and brought Fredrick down to her height. She kissed him. She felt his lips against her own. Her very first meaningful kiss.

She held him there for a moment, but pulled away just to breathe. When they caught their breath, they kissed again, eventually ending up asleep together.

* * *

 **2,683 words (edited version, not including author's notes)**


	6. The World in Pages

****I tried to get this out December 3rd, (because of the whole '**** ** **a**** ** **rtistic' thing in there) but you see how that turned out. Either way, massive thanks to DAGames for another fucking amazing song.****

* * *

I never wanted to remember any of this. I never wanted to write this down. I didn't want to have recollection of my traumatic past. But, here it is, anyways. Not like anyone will ever fucking care. I guess I'm just delaying the inevitable bullet through my skull.

This isn't what I wanted, yet I'm taking the time to write this, anyways. Even if anyone did read this, I'd be dead. It doesn't matter. Oh, well.

It all started, truthfully, in second grade. I made the realisation that, I'd never really make a friend. I had no idea if it was because of my unnatural hair colour, or my odd "fashion sense."

At recess one day, I'd tried to speak to a brown-headed girl with blue eyes, much resembling that of my current friend, Fredrick. However, she was hanging around a jet-black haired girl with odd, red eyes. She had short hair, and was slightly taller then the brunette. They both looked at me as if I was a freak. I couldn't shake that feeling.

So, instead, I tried to approach a dirty-blonde boy, but when he laid his brown eyes on me, I knew I shouldn't speak. I just went to sit on the bench and watch the other kids have fun with their friends. I had my knees tucked to my chest, resting my chin on them. I stared at the ground, blankly. It was hard to make friends, I understood, but I didn't think it was impossible. Soon enough, a blonde girl – a little older than me – came up, and looked at me with a smirk.

She sat next to me, but ignored her. I don't remember exactly what she said to me, but we eventually became friends. For awhile. When I moved schools, I never saw or talked to her again.

By that point, I was in the fifth grade. The idea of a new school __petrified__ me. I couldn't stand the idea of the familiar people I knew just not being there anymore.

I sat down in my homeroom, and sunk into my jacket. I didn't want the teacher to call on me. I just wanted to be at home, alone. The way things the world saw best, apparently. But, he called on me, anyways. He asked me to stand up and say my name, and where I'd moved from.

I said my name just fine, but my throat caught as I started to remember the old school. That one friend I had made. The one I'd never see again. I sat down before I made a fool of myself, and started to cry. I pulled my knees up to my chest like I used to, and cried to myself.

From that day forward, everyone always referred to me as 'Spring Rain,' because of the __one__ time I cried.

I remember one day, in PE, I was standing around, just in the grass, ignoring everyone else, when I was pushed to the ground. The other girls laughed as I fell on my ass.

"Why are you such a pushover?" the girl who pushed me asked, and the other girls erupted in laughter again.

I just pulled my jacket neck over my head, and prayed that my mom came to pick me up early. Unfortunately, she didn't, and the PE teacher had me come sit with her for the rest of the class.

As the year progressed, my grades suffered because of my social anxieties, and I failed multiple tests in a row. It was getting ridiculous how much I was bullied.

I was constantly called names, pushed around, and even hit. I never really got into any fights, but I was hit in the face on multiple occasions.

Nothing real happened for the next three or so years.

* * *

Sure, I might've been called old names, and pushed around a lot, but I was on my last year of junior high.

One day, I was sitting in the living room, or the main room of the house. My parents eventually got into it for unknown reasons, but somehow got on the subject of me.

"It's your fault, you know?!" my mother yelled.

"What is my fault?!" my dad replied.

"That she's even here," my mother shot back, pointing to me.

"How could I have controlled that?!"

"I don't know, I just have the feeling you did it on purpose!"

"It still doesn't matter! She should be our top priority, even if we didn't necessarily want her!" my dad said.

Hearing their words, I was put into an utter state of blinded rage, and ran upstairs to my room, locking the door behind me.

I crashed into the pillow, beginning to bawl my eyes out. I remember what I was thinking in that moment.

 _They never wanted me?! No wonder I'm an awkward mess! I was never meant to be a real human being!_

I hit the pillow, screaming. When I eventually calmed down, I cried silently. I let the tears stream down my face, and I was devoid of all emotion, save for feeling like actual trash. I remembered all the movies I had seen in past years. _I_ was the lone toy on the shelf no one wanted to play with, _I_ was the one collecting dust on the top shelf. Forgotten; unwanted; but there was one, main difference: instead of being optimistic in a time of despair uselessness, I was ready to end it all.

I wanted to hang myself, and suffocate to death. Become more like the toy on the top shelf: lifeless. I wanted to dangle there with a purple face. It's not like anyone would miss me. I was unwanted, useless, and stupid.

My parents eventually realised what they said. My mom knocked on my door.

"Spring, honey?" she called from the other side. I refused to answer her, out of spite. "Please come out," she pleaded. "We didn't mean what we said."

"Yeah, sweetie," my dad attempted. "It was just blinded rage at each other, but we've worked things out."

"I don't care if you worked things out!" I yelled. "It wasn't even the fighting that upset me! It's the fact that you didn't think about what you were saying!"

"Please, Spring, we have you now, and we love you!" my mom told me.

"You didn't even want me," I argued. "How could you love something you don't want?"

My mom was silent for a moment, as was my dad.

"What we meant was, we didn't know we wanted you," he attempted.

"You can't take back what was said," I told him. "You didn't want me, I get it. You don't have to keep this argument up. I understand."

"Spring, please," my mom begged. "Just come out, we'll give you anything!"

"I'll take a family that wants me," I said coldly.

Tears still filled my eyes, but I knew I was winning the argument. But, we shouldn't have been having the argument in the first place. I was never meant to exist, so the argument wouldn't have been necessary.

If I hadn't existed, my family wouldn't have a financial crisis a year later.

* * *

I sat in my freshman homeroom, a piece of paper in front of me, and a pencil in hand. I began to doodle many things, that I can no longer recall. I tried my best to forget what my parents had said, but it stuck like a tack in the back of my mind. It hurt deeply whenever I thought about it at all, but when I thought too much about it, I began considering suicide again.

The day went by uneventfully, and I got out of school. I sat on the bus, staring out the window. I began to think about artistic ability. I mean, I decided to take art that year as an elective, so I guess I could end up improving in some way. I took out the sheet of paper I had doodled on in homeroom, and looked it over again.

No one sat near me on the bus, as per usual, so no one bothered me about it. I'd rather it have been kept that way.

By this point, everyone knew who I was, and I was well aware of what rumours were spreading about me. I was beginning to lose hope, but the idea that I may one day get to attend an art school filled me with a sense of hope. Admittedly, it wasn't much, but I still had something to hold to.

When I returned home, my parents were in the kitchen, discussing something. I leaned in, eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Do think we could afford groceries this week, until you can find a new job?" I heard my mom asked.

"I don't know..." my dad replied. "This laying off is really going to affect our income in a bad way. I may have to take from Spring's college fund."

My heart sank, hearing those words. Tears stung my eyes, unsure if what I was hearing was real. But, nonetheless, I continued to listen.

"Do you really think that's a good idea? She dreams of going to a good school," my mom argued. For once in the past year, I was finally rooting for my mom. She had my best interests at heart.

"We may not have a choice," my dad rebelled. "We may also have to stop making car payments, and return the vehicle."

I heard my mom sigh. She was defeated, and my art school dreams were crushed.

Went quietly to my bedroom, closing the door silently. Once inside, I leaned against the door, sliding to the floor.

 _Why me? Why now? It's not fair. Everyone else at school lives the fucking high life, and I get the short end of the stick. Say good-bye to college,_ _I guess. Maybe, maybe not, but I began to not even care. I didn't know at the time, even that probably wouldn't have affected it too much._

I was crying by this point, all of my plans for the future were up in the air, and I had no hope of them ever coming into play. I began to shiver. If we weren't able to afford food for the week, I'd have to live off the school meals, and starve myself on the weekends. The idea of not being able to properly provide for myself in the future was frightening.

I sat quietly, crying, and wallowing in silence, for who knows how long? I can't remember exactly. The next morning, I had to rush, being nearly late for the bus to school. The rest of the day went by as any high school freshman's day went by; but when I returned home, my parents were nowhere to be found. They usually had something laid out for me to snack on when I got home, and remembering now reminds me of thoughtful there were. I miss them.

Later that day, around 5:00pm, someone knocked on the door. My parents had yet to return home, and I was beginning to worry. I looked through the peephole in the door, and saw two businessmen on the other side. I took a chance, and opened it. The businessmen parted, and through them came a woman around my height, at the time.

Her hair was tied in a bun, and she held a black clipboard.

"You are Spring Tracy, I presume?"she asked me.

"I don't feel comfortable giving out that information," I replied back to her. "Especially to a complete stranger."

"Right, well then. I am Amanda Cage, of the Department of Human Resources. I regret to inform you, that both of your parents have been pronounced dead."

"What?" I questioned, the idea that they just dropped dead somewhere was unfathomable.

"Ah, I see you were not properly informed," she said, shooting a look at the man on her left. "Your parents were in a fatal car crash earlier this morning. They were driven to the hospital as quickly as possible, but were unable to recover. They have been officially pronounced dead."

"How can I trust you?" I asked.

"Your parents raised you well, I see," she replied, raising an eyebrow. "However, you are required by law to come with us. Please pack you things."

At this point, I was more than a little skeptical of this woman, as she'd about come into my house, claiming my parents were dead. But, I did as I was told. There was no point in fighting it, and I didn't want to look like a whiny ass for calling the police. I hid the knife I was given for self-defence amongst my things, and followed them out to the car parked in front of my house.

One of the businessmen withdrew, and pulled out a key. He locked the door to my house, and returned to the car. We then all drove off, away from the home I'd always known.

* * *

The car trip was so silent, you could hear a pin drop a mile away. I knew exactly where we were going, but I decided to break the tension, anyways.

"Where are we going?" I asked, trying to sound worried. I knew it'd eventually happen, whether my parents died or not. That's probably where they were headed, at the time. To get the papers to disown me filled.

But, I knew they still loved me, and they'd be doing it for my own good. Right?

"We're going to drop you off at your 'new home,'" she said, as if the word "orphanage," was a foreign concept.

"And that would be...?" I pushed further.

"The nearest orphanage," she replied, reluctantly.

Those were the words of confirmation I was waiting to hear. I was waiting to hear the fact that'd I'd be isolated even further because of all the younger children getting more attention. I was beginning to want my parents back. At least they cared about me.

In all honesty, I don't really think they were going to disown me, but the truth is still up in the air.

With my parents dead, it felt like I was being arrested. Hell, I think being arrested would've been a step up from what was happening. At least then, I'd have someone to talk to, that being my cell mate. Either way, I didn't want to go. I didn't understand why they couldn't just have a supervisor move into my house. I probably wouldn't even have my own room, and that's something I needed.

Being alone was my escape from reality. My safe haven from everything that I hated, and everything that hated me.

When I arrived, I realised all hopes of any higher education were gone, as I had no access to the college fund account. I walked in the front door, my bag slung over my shoulder. Once inside, I looked around a bit. There were very considerably younger kids in the orphanage, and I felt as if that was wrong. I was so much older than over seventy percent of the kids in the orphanage. I probably had to share a room with three of these brats, just to accommodate the small space in the orphanage.

As Amanda was getting the papers filled out, the desk attendant and I met eyes. The way she looked at me, she knew something inside was going on. Not only that, the fact that I was here in the first place meant that something was transpiring in me, but I felt much more crushed than any kid who'd ever come through the doors behind me. Of course, they were there because their parents didn't want, or couldn't take care of them anymore, but both my parents were dead. On top of it all, I had to be removed from my home, and at the same time, battle through puberty. It was an absolute mess. I hoped and prayed she did something about it.

And, to my surprise, she did.

"Ma'am, is that who you're dropping off?" she asked Amanda, pointing to me.

"Indeed, she is," Amanda replied. "Is there a problem?"

"Yes, actually. Two things. For one, we've run out of space for her, and secondly, she's too old for the main age group of this orphanage. We mainly deal with kids starting around age three or four, and support them until they have a family. But, there is a bigger one across town. They could maybe find some room for her."

I was mentally praising this woman. She knew what I was going through, and that I needed a room of my own. However, I should've understood Amanda's power within the Department of Human Resources.

"I'm afraid that you might just have to squeeze her in," Amanda said sarcastically.

I sighed, defeated. I knew Amanda was determined to get rid of me as fast as possible. I understood why, but someone who really cared about my needs would've made the trip across town.

"Because, right now, she just needs a home," Amanda insisted. "I'm sure she'll fit right in."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?!" I asked, making it purposeful to swear.

Amanda stood straight from her position. I could tell she was frustrated, and I was determined to push that to the farthest extent I could.

She pivoted on her heel, facing me. She walked over slowly towards me. She leaned over me, and asked "Do you really wish to try me at this moment in time, little girl."

I looked he straight in the face. "Yes, actually. I believe you should be fired from your position, as any human resource would have my best interest at heart. And, seeing as I'm going through puberty, I need an alone space, when possible."

Her face seemed to grow more and more scrunched with every word. I returned it with a stern look of my own, the bitch not understanding what a pubescent girl needed.

"I don't care what you think, I only care what you __need__. And, you need a home."

"A home with alone space, seeing as I am currently pubescent."

She took a sharp breath. "You clearly don't understand, do you? I am not here to attend to your personal needs, only your legal ones. And legally, you need supervision, and a home. This fills both of those requirements, so I am doing my job."

"'Do your job,' well, and then we'll talk," I shot back sassily. "I am in a very unstable stage of my life, and if I'm set off on a bad day, one or more of these children could be hurt. Do you really want that?"

"I do not care for the wellbeing of children, other than the homes they need. Now, you're gonna take your room here, or you'll answer to me."

"You're gonna drive across town, or I will teach these kids all of the swear words before they're fucking five. It will be your fault that the next generation is corrupted that much more, and you will be held responsible."

"Kid, you're staying here, end of discussion."

The desk attendant gave me a silent 'good try,' type of look, and I shot back, 'I'm far from done.' I withdrew my Swiss Army knife. I began to mess around with it, visibly, and the desk woman smirked before changing to a shocked expression. I opened the knife blade, and when Amanda turned around, she saw me with a weapon.

She walked over to me, holding out here hand.

"Give me the knife," she commanded.

"Pry it from my cold, dead hands, bitch," I swore.

"Give it to me," she repeated.

"I'll give it to you when it's not a sentimental gift from my father."

"I will not have you stabbing anyone, give me the knife."

"Over. My. Dead. Fucking. Body."

As to say, the fight to have more space and freedom went on, but to no avail. I eventually gave up, and accepted that I had to live with three little, bratty, spoiled girls.

I set my bag down in the room, and flopped on the bed. I pulled out the Swiss Army knife again, and began to mess with even more of it's functions. I began to think of all the different uses, and I never stopped thinking of any. I wanted so badly to just run away, but I knew if that happened, they'd just come after me. So, I just had to bide my time until someone adopted me.

So it was no surprise, a year passed by.

* * *

A year passed by, and no one even looked at me.

I always slept on the top bunk, witch I was thankful for. I was the only one willing to climb to the top, meaning I could somewhat be alone. Most of the time, I used the other knife I had to slit my wrists. No one knew about it, and I was once again, thankful.

I could peacefully hurt myself over what I'd done to deserve this torture.

The next day at school, something eventful actually happened.

A new student had moved in. He was in not only my homeroom, but most of my classes along the way. Maybe I could finally make a new friend. The teacher called on him to stand, state his name, and where he was from.

He had beautiful blonde hair, and indescribable blue eyes. His jawline was nice, fitting how skinny he was. He wore a bright, yellow t-shirt under a black, unbuttoned vest. His long sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and his hair was long enough that it pretty much covered his left eye, because of the way it was styled. He was overall, very attractive.

He wore a smirk, as he spoke. His voice was the perfect balance of masculine, and gentle.

"My name is Alfred Fazbear. I moved here from Minnesota, along with my two brothers, Fredrick, and Theodore. Fredrick is a year older than I, and I am a year older than Theodore. We moved here with our dad, Henry Fazbear, co-owner of the Fazbear Entertainment Company," he explained.

I listened to every word, pretty much gawking at the boy next to me as he spoke. He spoke with such confidence, and resolve. That was admirable, in and of itself. He gave the teacher extra information, no less.

"Thank you, Alfred. You may be seated," the teacher said. "Now, kids. Please treat Alfred, along with his brothers, with respect as he settles into his new school..."

The teacher eventually faded out in my mind, as I stared at Alfred. He eventually turned his head, looking at me. The look he gave me told me I was daydreaming, and I eventually turned my head forward, blushing with embarrassment over what had happened. I hid my face in my hands, and mentally slapped myself for being such a dolt.

But I couldn't help but stare. It was a new kid, and he was at least _mildly_ attractive. I hoped I didn't screw up any chance of being friends.

"Alright, so who volunteers to show Alfred around the school?" the teacher asked.

No one raised their hand, including myself. I was too bashful to raise my hand. He caught me staring at him, and I couldn't imagine myself volunteering to do it afterwards.

"No one? Well then, I'll just choose myself," the teacher said, scanning the class. "Ennie, meenie, miney... Spring."

He pointed to me, and my eyes widened. I looked over at Alfred, and he was indifferent.

"After announcements, show Alfred around the school."

The teacher sat back down, and Alfred tapped my shoulder.

"Why didn't you volunteer?" he asked. "You seemed pretty interested."

His confident smirk caught me off guard.

"I, uh– um, well..." I stammered. "I d-didn't want things to be awkward..."

"Quick tip: I really don't care. You can stare at me all you want."

I blushed, realising what he meant. He was comfortable with my presence, which alone was an odd occurrence. I had never really gotten that from anyone else before. Hopefully, I wouldn't fuck it up and say something stupid.

I helped him through his classes, until lunch. I sat at my usual table, the one in the corner that no one else visited, most likely because I sat there. I expected for Alfred to go off and sit with his brothers, or something. I least expected him to sit with me. But, he did.

"So, what've you been up to?" he asked. "I mean, just, in a general sense. You don't have to fill me in on everything that's going on at home."

"What home?" I asked him. "I live in a fucking orphanage, with seven-year-olds as my roommates."

"Oh, man. You don't even have a foster family?"

"I _did_ have one, but they were just a placeholder until I got adopted, which I never did. They eventually had to send me back, and they're working on finding a new foster family for me."

"Oh, my. I feel really sorry for you. I might ask my dad to consider it," Alfred mentioned.

My eyes widened, and I smiled at him. The fact alone that he'd mention my predicament to his father was, alone, the best present I'd ever received.

"That would mean a lot," I told him. "You'd be my fucking saviour."

"Hey, it's what friends do."

 _ _Friends?__ I mentally questioned. __He considers me a friend? Why?__

"I've been through some shit, so it really means the world to me."

"Would you mind elaborating a bit?" Alfred asked.

"It's such a long story," I told him. "Maybe I _could_ tell you one day, but there's not nearly enough time at lunch, or even really in a day, to explain the shitstorm I've been through for the past sixteen years."

"Maybe you can rant over the phone on Saturday?" he suggested. "Can you write down your phone number, and give it to me?"

"Sure, I guess," I complied, taking out a scrap sheet of paper. I scribbled the series of numbers that was my cell phone number, and handed it over. "There. I'm not sure if the orphanage is paying my phone provider or not, but you can try that number."

"Thanks. Y'know, even for the fact that you've been through rough times, you really don't share it a lot, do you?" he asked.

"No, not really. No one ever wants to talk to a dolt like me, anyways," I told him. "I never really had that many, if any, friends. I was constantly bullied for, what I can only guess was my odd hair colour."

"That's your natural colour?" Alfred asked, surprised. ""I thought you dyed it!"

"No, it's natural. There's a lot odd things about me," I replied.

"I think that just makes you more interesting to be around."

I blushed, the compliment had been one I'd never received before.

"Thanks, but I'm boring," I retaliated. "I ramble and rant about the stupidest shit on planet Earth, I have the most bland taste, and I'm the very definition of stereotypical depressed personality type."

"Nah. You don't slit your wrists, I'd imagine. I just couldn't see you doing it."

 _ _Then, you couldn't see reality__ , I wanted to argue. But, I refrained. I didn't want to ruin things in such a blooming friendship, and I felt as if mentioning my self-harm would degrade things pretty quickly.

I saw him glance at my sleeve cuffs, as if to try and see if I _did_ cut myself. He couldn't see it, because I cut too far down my arms. I gave him a helpless look, before resting my head on my hands.

"You really don't have to talk to your father about adopting me, y'know? It's not really a big deal. I can live in the orphanage, or with a foster family that doesn't want me until I can get my own place."

"Nonsense! Everyone deserves a loving home and family. And, I plan on giving that to you. It'll pretty much be me, you, and my two brothers. My father's always on business, so you'll seldom hear from him, but no less, I will try to convince him," Alfred told me. "Spring, I want you to be happy. That's why I'm your friend."

"Thanks. But, I doubt you'll be able to win him over. I'm a whiny shit who can't take care of herself, and I flaunt the fact that I could support myself on a minimum wage job."

"Spring, just trust me. He's an understanding man. And hell, we can foster you beforehand, just to get a premise on what you're like."

The next week, I was fostered to them. The week proceeding, I returned to the orphanage.

They'd soon realised I was right, and Alfred's father would not be won over. I got discouraged by such, and the knife dug a little deeper into my skin on the night of my return. I caused myself more than a _little_ pain, so to speak. The blood spewed from my arm to bed, and the sheets were stained. I didn't bother cleaning it up.

I'd missed the cuts, oddly. I'd stopped the week I was being fostered by the Fazbears, in order to make a good impression. But no less, I was booted from their home, and returned to the orphanage. The next day at lunch, Alfred apologised for it, and I told him it was okay. In all reality, it wasn't. It just proved to me further that I will never find a new family, and I was a face only a genetic mother could love. That broke my heart, and put an enormous strain on me. The strain to push forward.

However, I did push forward. And two years later, everything changed again.

* * *

I had heard about the events that had gone down at the party around two nights ago, and expected Alfred to come and explain, but he never did. He'd sat with Fredrick, Bonnie, Tony, Chica, and another, white-haired girl. I didn't know her, as Alfred had never introduced me like the others, so I had no idea what to think. But, it was no big deal. I was eighteen, and I could handle myself. Or so I thought.

As the weeks progressed, I began to wallow in self-pity during the silence. I lost my appetite, and stopped eating. Even outside of school, I'd only eat something small on rare occasion. The orphanage counsellors were obviously starting to worry, but I ignored their invites to their offices.

I didn't wanna talk about it, I just wanted my friend back. It's not as if they could force him to sit with me, and talk to me, and acknowledge my existence. I felt neglected, again; unwanted and useless. The months went on as I watched Alfred and the white-haired girl (whom I eventually learned was named Maggie) hit it off. I'd dreamed of the days when Alfred would wrap his arm around me, and kiss my forehead far before she'd ever come into his eyes. Why wasn't I receiving similar treatment?

From what I'd heard, Maggie had cause Alfred some trauma before they started dating, but no less did he take her as arm candy! I was internally __furious__.

He'd pushed me aside for a girl who'd broken his heart on multiple occasions, whilst __I__ always had him at heart, above myself. I admired him more than anyone, and I felt betrayed because of it.

He never talked to me anymore. I enjoyed the long chats late into the night we used to have. I remembered the time he'd accidentally kissed me. We were both embarrassed, but I hoped he'd do it again. His scent was intoxicating, and his lips were softer than clouds.

I always rested my head on the table after remembering that. I couldn't stand to look at him kiss another girl. However, there was to be a silver lining for me. Not so much for Alfred.

Only a few months later, on Alfred's nineteenth birthday, Maggie dumped him on what was supposed to be the most expensive date they'd been on. I overheard Fredrick talking to Bonnie about how much Alfred had been preparing for this date. It only made me think worse of Maggie.

I'd already been asleep when Alfred rang the doorbell to my apartment that I'd recently moved into. I dressed myself quickly, and was met with his face.

His hair was an absolute mess, his shirt was slightly unbuttoned, his bow tie was untied and hanging around his neck, and there was a look of defeat plastered to his face.

"I need a friend right now," he said. "Maggie just dumped me."

I knew he'd been ignoring me for months, but I couldn't stay mad at him. I knew the pain he was going through, and I admitted him entrance. I sat down on the couch, and he rested his head on my lap, much like a dog.

Continuing on the dog simile, I began to run my hand through his hair, as he admitted everything to me.

"Spring, I'm sorry for not speaking to you in so long," he apologised. "I just got too caught up with Maggie, that I forgot who was really important. I hope you can forgive me," Alfred apologised. "I know I caused a lot of pain."

"Don't worry, Alfie," I soothed. "It's over, now. Nothing to worry about."

"I just- I can't believe she would do this. I spent so much time, money, and effort into a relationship with her for __nothing__. No less would she dump me on my fucking __birthday__. I realise now how much of a bitch she was."

"Alfred, I'm really sorry for what happened," I told him. "But, I got you a birthday present, anyways. I didn't think you'd ever receive it, but, you're here, now. Do you want me to go get it?"

"No... Just, stay here. I'll get it in the morning. I just wanna talk, right now. What've you been up to, lately?"

I sighed, and asked; "Do you want the truth, or something that may cheer you up?"

"I want the truth, Spring," he answered. "No more lies or secrets. We're going to be fully transparent with each other, okay?"

"Alright," I took a deep breath, mentally preparing for what I had to explain. "Last night, I tried to overdose myself."

Alfred sat straight up, and looked me straight in the face. "Why the hell would you ever consider that?!"

"I've also been cutting myself, causing myself many scars, working excess hours just to keep up with payments, my grades have been suffering, I've been starving myself, and crying... a lot."

"Damn, Spring... What ensued all of this?"

"When you started dating Maggie," I began, "I got to thinking you didn't like me. I'd always been there to break your fall when you crashed, the one who held you in higher regards than even my own wellbeing, the one who cared about you. She'd always been the one to break your heart, the one who couldn't care less about you, and the one who had no respect for you. Yet, you chose her over me, and I just kinda snapped. I began to lose my appetite, and slowly stopped eating. I cut myself, knowing I'd never be worth anything to anyone. I took the extra hours because bills went up, and my grades suffered because I didn't getting enough sleep and study time. I cried in what little time I did have, because I thought I'd never see you again. The overdose was caused by everything being too much for me to handle."

"My God, Spring... I'm so sorry..." Alfred apologised. "If I knew I was having such an impact on you, I would've dumped Maggie a long time ago... Damn, there's gotta be some way I can make it up to you... Oh!"

I could tell what he was thinking. He grabbed my hand.

"Come with me," he said. "I think you'll enjoy this."

I complied, knowing where this was going. At first, I was accepting of it. I was about to have sex for the first time with the guy I'd always dreamed about. But, when we got in the bedroom, my mind turned more. By the time Alfred was about to pull down his boxers, I stopped him.

"This feels wrong," I told him. "You've just come out of a relationship, and I feel like I'm taking advantage of your vulnerable state. Let's just go to bed, okay?"

"Spring, I just want to make you happy," he told me, holding my cheek. "I've been such a shit friend, and I can't be cutting ties with people willy-nilly. Promise me that you won't leave me, ever, okay?"

"I-I promise."

* * *

The next morning, I got up, and Alfred was sitting on the couch in the living room. I knew he wanted to leave. Last night was just me comforting him, and because of it, I knew I'd lose him again. I dragged myself out of bed, and went to greet him.

"Hey," I said half-heartedly. "You could've left whenever you wanted."

"I know, but I figured it would be at least thoughtful to say goodbye, for now," Alfred said, smiling. I could see the hurt in his eyes, however. "Thank you for being there, last night. I'm sorry I haven't been around very much. I'll try to be there for you, more. I hope this hasn't damaged our friendship too much."

I heard the word 'friendship,' and I lost it. I held back my tears, but I lost all emotion.

"No," I told him. "We're still friends, as always. See you around."

He stepped forward, and enveloped me in a hug. I hugged back, but without much feeling. I was about to break down again, and I couldn't let him know. If he found out how much I really loved him, I'd be ruined. We wouldn't be friends anymore. Conversations would be awkward, and the reminder of what could've been would nag at the back of my mind.

He pulled away, and I already missed his warmth. I wanted him to hug me again, pull me closer. I wanted it to last for an eternity, but I knew we'd never be. The thought sickened me, however, to never even speak again. I was torn between my choice, and I never told him.

He left, and once the door was shut, I crashed. I fell to the ground, tears streaming heavily from my face, and staining the floor. I sobbed loudly, not caring if he came back. I just needed to cry. My heart twinged as I thought about him. Soon, he'd find some other girl to be with, and I'd be all alone, again. If that happened, I'd be done. The emotional roller coaster I'd been through the first time was more than enough trauma to last a lifetime.

I went through the day on autopilot. In all reality, I couldn't help but think of all the ways it could've been different for me and him. They say not to dwell on the past, but I couldn't help it. I didn't eat that day, either.

I went to bed that night, and dreamt of him. I couldn't help it, he took my breath away when he spoke. I couldn't help but love him, because of the person he'd been to me. So good, yet so torturous. He never had any intentions of hurting me, and I admired him for that. He was the only person I'd trust with my life.

To think he didn't love me was a burden I couldn't carry. I'm glad the overdose didn't work, but it still nagged me that we'd never be together.

In the morning, I actually began to write this. I finished the same day, and I can't wait to leave this thing on my desk to be forgotten. Hopefully that helps me a little more, just getting all these negative feelings on paper, and out of my head.

* * *

Alfred shut the journal he'd picked up from Spring's desk. He set it back down on the wooden decoration, and looked at Spring, who was sitting on the bed. She was shivering, knowing he'd just read the most personal things she'd ever thought. She hid her face in her hands, wanting to hide from his wrath. She knew he'd condemn her for what she'd written, and she wasn't ready to face that.

However, instead, she felt another body's warmth press against her. She felt hands run through her unkempt hair was she cried. She felt a chin rest against her, comforting her.

"Wh-why are you hugging me?" she asked. "I'm such a terrible friend, ever thinking about you that way. You were there to be my friend, and only my friend, and I put you on such a high pedestal. Why are doing this?"

"Because, Spring," Alfred began, "you weren't wrong to think of me so highly. Admittedly, I don't see why you would, I'm a terrible person, but that doesn't make you wrong. In truth, I love you, too. I couldn't imagine life without you here, being supportive of me."

"S-so you're saying that y-you'd date me?" Spring asked, an obviously wondrous look on her face. She knew the answer, but she had to hear it from him.

She felt his chin leave the top of her head, and felt his familiar, soft lips press against her cheek. He was only there for a few moments, before pulling away. The two met eyes, and Alfred replied, "Absolutely."

* * *

 ** **Well, I think this will be the last (and longest single-chapter) piece of finished literature for 2016. I hope to see you all next year, and I really hope you're all enjoying. Those 'secret projects,' I'm working on are nowhere near finished, so I'd give an estimate of late 2017 to early 2018. You have all been an amazing audience, so I'd like to thank you.****

 ** **This is my first attempt at a full first-person recollection of the past, and yes, there are a LOT of missing details, I understand. But I don't think I'd have released this when I wanted to, had I added them in. This is a oneshot, so I doubt there will be much of a continuation, but I dunno. I may make this an origin story compilation for each of my AU characters.****

 ** **Also, for those who read this, I've been working on a Zelda project for about the past six months, and I hope you enjoy. Shhhhhhhhh…****

 ** **6,945 words (edited version, not including author's notes)****


	7. What I Think

****So, I actually got the idea for this in music class one day. I felt as if it'd be a good thing to write, and I had a free week, so I wrote while in class. Hope you enjoy.****

* * *

Alfred held Spring closely, and she hugged back. However, they had little time. At least, in Spring's eyes. She couldn't live with herself being a shackle towards the guy she loved. She'd seen the way he looked at other girls. It was a look of wonder, the shine in his eyes when the idea of someone new saying he needed freedom. Freedom to date whomever he chose.

Instead, Spring was incessant on keeping him in her arms, much like a mother would a child. It was a feeling she couldn't shake, and she couldn't live with the fact that the one she loved was in pain. Though, not necessarily pain, more like controlled. An angel shackled to the ground, unable to fly away.

He was no longer pleasured by her, no longer drawn in by her touch, no longer interested. She could respect that. But, she didn't wanna let go. She knew if she let go, she would never see him again. She was jealous of those around her who Alfred was drawn to.

It'd been one girl in particular that Spring had no clue about. When they sat together at lunch, she'd always pass by. And Alfred would gawk at her for a bit, before looking down at the table in defeat.

But Spring wasn't ready.

The young face; the beautiful, blonde hair; the rosy cheeks; the perfect, sky blue eyes; but, most of all, the affection. The kiss of passion, care, and love; the breath of lust itself; the immense truth behind each others words. However, the latter most of which was lost. The small whispers of, 'I love you,' in the dark no longer held meaning. It was a pity on her, and she couldn't have that held over her head.

She pulled away slowly, tears catching her throat. However, she couldn't fuck this up. She had to tell him she knew.

She looked to the ground, as if it held wisdom and guidance.

"Alfred, I–" the words caught in her throat, and the feeling of suffocation hit her. She felt smothered, pressured, forced. "I know you can't do this anymore..." she managed. "I see the way you look at other girls, you need someone else. I know I can't make you happy, so I think it's best we just stay friends."

Alfred looked at her with worry. She held her chest, tears of hurt glistening in her glassy eyes. He stepped forward, but she stepped back in defence. He held his hands up, as if to offer her a hug. However, she refused, shaking her head.

"Just go," she said in a raspy voice, the fact that she wanted to cry an obvious factor. "It's better this way..."

Alfred looked at her, but she refused to meet his eyes. She couldn't look at him. It hurt too much. However, Alfred left slowly. He looked back at Spring, who was leaning against the wall to support herself, before taking his leave.

Once Spring heard the front door shut, she crashed. For what seemed like the millionth time, she broke down in tears, falling to her hands and knees. "What have I done? What have I done?" her mind repeated. She regretted the words as soon as they hit her tongue, but she knew it had to be done.

She couldn't live with herself if Alfred ended up in a long-term relationship with someone he didn't want. She compelled him, forced him to stay with her, the bullet through her skull a common threat to keep him to herself. And, even if she had been the one to break it off, she still wanted that to happen. She wanted so badly to drag a knife across her throat, making sure this never happened again, but she carried on.

Though, she couldn't take much more emotional trauma before it did happen.

Before long, she fell asleep in the floor, not caring that she had school tomorrow. She refused to go. She wasn't ready, yet.

* * *

She awoke on the floor, where she'd begun the previous night. She felt cold, heartbroken, and depressed. She didn't imagine Alfred was hurt at all, just more so worried about her. She checked her phone, seeing multiple missed calls and texts from that all-too-familiar number. She couldn't bear to answer them, however. The texts said things like "Are you okay?" or "Why aren't you here?"

Though, one stuck out to her, "Spring, please, answer. I'm scared, I didn't think you were that upset, given how sure you were about it. Please, answer."

"I'm fine," she texted back. "I just didn't want to come to school today. I couldn't bear it. I'll probably be out for awhile."

"Spring, come back. Please. Things can go back to the way they were. We'll pretend last night didn't happen."

"No, it can't, Alfred. I'm too much of a pissy bitch for you to have to deal with on a daily basis. I couldn't live with myself keeping you from dating who you want."

"I want you to be happy above all else. Is that not the definition of love? Putting others before yourself?"

"Alfred, that's kindness. Love is much different, and I just can't keep it at kind. I want you to be happy, I want you to find the right person. Even if that means I'll be alone for eternity."

"Spring, forget that. I want you to be happy, to not always feel on the edge of death. Please, let's just pretend yesterday didn't happen, and go back to the way things were. You were happy, then."

"We'll talk about this later. I just don't have the strength for this."

Spring out her phone down, sprawling out on the floor. She didn't understand how he did it. He was kind, strong, and brave, even when things were looking bleak. He was able to go to class, hold a conversation, and more, even after last night. Even given he wanted it forgotten, he could still face adversity with a smile.

But Spring felt cold; lonely; like a dusty rag-doll. She figured it was the idea that she had to let go of the guy she longed for oh-so long. Let go of what kept her sane, happy, and loved. What kept her from hanging herself.

* * *

She wasn't back in school until a month later, and it was still a hard decision to come back. She never answered the teacher's questions in class, anymore. She never even payed attention to what was said. She sat in the back, quietly drawing in her notebook. She drew pictures of the one she longed for, the one she needed in her life.

She observed as he sat in the front, being a diligent student, as always. She despised him, now. A love-hate for him. She loved him, because he'd been her friend. She hated him, because it pissed her off she could never have what she desired. He seemed so indirectly smug about the latter fact, as well, which pissed Spring off even more.

Her eyes glossed over, and tears stung her eyes again. They hadn't spoken since the night after the break up, and she knew she was losing him, again. She let him go, but she didn't expect him to leave her again. She wasn't ready for that.

The bell rang, and Spring packed her things. She went to her locker, and stepped inside, shutting herself in. She sank to the bottom, curling up. Tears stung her eyes, again. She thought she was done. She wasn't able to resist the urges to harm herself, having cut the name of whom she desired into her arm the previous night.

But, no one would ever know. She'd never tell anyone. She wanted him back. She regretted letting him go.

She longed for his touch, his lips, just him. Not even two months, and she was already having withdrawals. She couldn't believe how pitiful she'd become.

She took her phone out, and texted him.

"I want to take you up on that offer," she said.

"What offer?" he asked in reply.

"The one you said a month ago. Forget that night, go back to the way things were. I miss you."

"Spring, I would like to, but I have someone else, now."

"I figured. It was fun while it lasted..."

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"Why don't you ever talk to me, anymore?"

"I just figured it'd be kinda awkward, y'know? To continue to speak to someone who you've been in a serious fight with in a friendly way."

"That doesn't excuse the fact that we talked before you got a new girlfriend. Is it just because she replaced me?"

"Spring, no one could ever replace you."

"Alfred, I want you to know, when I'm in the hospital, taking my last few breaths, you'll be on my mind. You're all I think about, day and night. I didn't want you to feel compelled. Compelled to make me your top priority. I had your best interest at heart."

"Spring, I don't doubt that for a second. I just want you to know that if I could change that night, I would. But, I have to stop texting you, or I'll get in trouble."

"Okay... Bye..."

Spring put her phone away, and fell asleep in her locker. She didn't wake up until school was almost out. She picked the lock from the inside, something she'd gotten good at from wanting to constantly hide away from the world. She was ready to be home, where she'd drag the knife across her throat. She couldn't stand this, anymore.

The bell rang, and she walked out of the door, on her way home. She was joined by – oddly enough – Alfred.

"Spring, I'm sorry for not being there for you. I just forget everything easily," Alfred apologised. "I get caught up in stupid shit, and abandon the people who have shaped me as the person I am today."

"It's okay, I just need support. You know that I can't do this on my own," Spring forgave. "I need you there, and that's why I kept you for so long. I knew, if I let go, you'd leave me again, and–" the tears caught Springs throat. She choked, allowing the tears to stream down her face. She felt strong arms come to her aid, but it wasn't enough to take away her thoughts.

She sobbed into his chest, while he rubbed her back. He knew she was in pain, and he couldn't do much of anything.

"Alfred," Spring said, forcing back the tears.

"Yes, Spring?" Alfred replied.

"I- I was going to k-kill myself, b-before y-you showed up t-today..."

"Spring, I'm glad I can be the thing that makes you rethink."

"I– I feel l-like an ob-obsessive, attached, b-bitch... I– I–" she rolled up her sleeve. "I cut your name into my fucking arm..."

Alfred's eyes widened, examining Spring's untreated scars. They were, indeed, in the shape of his name. He couldn't believe what she was doing.

She stood there, sobbing over him. She cut herself in the shape of his name. She was broken-hearted over him.

"Spring, this has to stop," he told her. "You're risking your own health, and I won't have you dying on me."

"Alfred, just let me die," Spring rebelled, weakly. "It's better you just forget I ever existed, ever plagued your life, ever dated you. I'm such a shit person, just, please, forget me. I can't take anymore."

"Spring, let's forget that night a month ago never happened. Go back to the way things were-"

"NO! Nonononono... T-the same th-thing will just happen, again! You'll find another girl you like, and I'll end up dead over the fact that I can't let go..."

"Spring, I can suppress my desires for another girl. Hence why I broke up with the quote-unquote new girlfriend I had."

"No, Alfred, why would you do that? If it was the same girl I saw you gawking over constantly at lunch, why would you? You clearly liked her more than me, so why would you pass up that opportunity?"

"Because, friends come first."

"N-now, I feel like shit... Literally anyone would be better than me. Why?"

Alfred stepped forward, kissing Spring.

"Because, I want you to be happy. That's what makes me happy. And, if I have to give up other girls to keep you happy, I will. You loved me, you set me free. And I decided, I'd come back."

"I– I don't know what to say... We're back to where we started..."

"There's no need to say a thing, Spring. Just, please, don't ever hurt yourself on purpose again. Can you promise me that?"

"N-no, but I'll try."

"I guess that's good enough for me."

* * *

 **2,128 words (edited version, not including author's notes)**


	8. No Control

****I have so many other projects I need to finish as I write this, but this just came to mind. My shit WILL get done. Just, maybe not the way I planned it. I hoped I could get everyone on a release date schedule for 2017, but, guess not. Enjoy!****

* * *

He'd never had great control over his emotions, and everyone knew that. But, it didn't stop terrible things from happening that spent him emotionally. No less, it was his birthday, and a date he'd been planning forever that she'd decided to end it on. He felt used. Used just for his money, to receive gifts from. They'd shared a year together, and he'd put so much thought into her birthday and Christmas presents, and got just what he expected in return; nothing.

He was ready to throw it all down and be done. But, he knew he had to keep going, because he'd look like a whiny ass if he was just done then and there. He could take the cliché route, and say, 'Oh, there's no me without us,' but he was better than that. He could move on, and he'd prove it.

He went to his best friend, Spring, that night. He regretted having not spoken to her in that year's time, but it just got away from him. He stood at the door, looking just the way he was feeling – shitty. He was hesitant to knock on the door, but he did, anyways. He fiddled with his fingers, waiting for the door to open, and thought about how much of a hypocrite he was. He was here, on his birthday, expecting her to open her door to him, just because it was his birthday. Yet, he hadn't remembered her birthday.

His heart twinged at the remembrance of that fact. At the remembrance that he was the world's worst friend; the world's shittiest person; and the world's most pitiful twat.

Yet, he was greeted with her face. A face that, even with the events of the past year, was forgiving and comforting. She invited him in with a warm smile, but her eyes were red. She'd been crying before he'd shown up. He had no earthly idea why, other than the year of silence, but he doubted Spring would hang on to something so trivial. Yet, it ate at the back of his mind that that was exactly what she was upset about.

He walked in, and she closed the door behind him. She sat on the couch, and he sat next to her, his head falling into her lap. She began to run her hand through his hair, much like someone would pet a dog. But, he knew it was supposed to be comforting.

"Tell me what's wrong," her sweet voice rang. "You can talk to me, no matter what happens."

He couldn't bring himself to say it. He remembered the way she looked at him at the doorstep with those beautiful, violet eyes. He couldn't force her to listen to his relationship trauma, knowing what he'd put her through. But, he persevered.

"Maggie broke up with me," he said shakily, his usual smooth and confident voice replaced by that of a broken man. "And- and I had the date planned out perfectly. I gave everything I had to her, proving that she was all I needed, and yet she went as far as to dump my sorry ass in the most horrible way I thought possible."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Alfred..." she comforted. He could hear the sadness in her voice, and was proud of her for pushing on through.

"Look, I'm sorry for not communicating," Alfred apologised.

"It's okay."

"Spring, I know it's not okay," he said, addressing the issue. He sat up, and said, "I can see how red your eyes are, I can hear the pain in your voice. You're the one who needs someone to talk to."

"Alfred, I'm fine, really!" she lied. She didn't want to confront her feelings for him, again. Sure, he was no longer in a relationship, but she knew she had no chance. "I'm always the one discussing my problems. I think you should take centre stage for once."

"Thank you for the thought," he said. "But, I want to hear from you. You know what's been going on with me, and I don't know what you've been up to. So go ahead, and feel free to call me any rude names, because I deserve all of them."

"Alfred, it's not important what I've been doing. You're going through a breakup, your feelings are more important than any part of me."

"Nonsense, Spring. I insist."

"You really wanna know?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered with certainty.

"Fine," Spring said at last. "I've been crying, Alfred. A lot. And- and I don't think it was really that worth it. I mean, you didn't want to talk to me, and that's fine... I can live with that... It's just- I don't know... I guess I was... jealous? But, I just felt hurt for no reason. No big deal."

Spring brushed it off too lightly for Alfred's taste. He looked at her with keen eyes, and took hold of her arm. She began attempting to pull away, a flustered look on her face.

"Wh-what are you doing?!" she asked frantically. "L-let go!"

Alfred took his other hand, and rolled up Spring's sleeve. What he saw shocked him, and he looked at Spring with a worried face. There were cuts, fresh and faded, all up and down her arm. She looked at her own arm, and began to cry.

"I-I swear, th-this isn't what y-you think it is!" she stated, trying to save the situation. "It was an accident–"

"Spring, don't lie to me," Alfred stated. "I know this is you cutting yourself. But, why? Why would you cut yourself over an idiot like me? I would understand if it was someone that was admirable, like one of my brothers, but all I am is a dick. I've achieved nothing, and I'm a terrible friend."

"You'd always listen, Alfred. And, when that listening ear was gone, I lost my shit. I'm too fragile, and I need to be stronger than to just hurt myself when things get bad... But, I thought I drove you away. I thought you stopped talking to me because you didn't like me anymore. I felt as if I talked too much, or said the wrong thing, and I lost my best friend. And I went so far as to hurt myself for being such a worthless idiot. I knew you wouldn't bite my head off for it, because you're always so nice, so understanding. But, I thought you didn't want to listen to my bullshit anymore."

"Spring, you could never talk too much. I could never hate you," Alfred said, holding her closely.

"It's hard for me to believe that. Everyone in my life has always not liked or hated me at one point," Spring stated. "I was afraid I lost you to inevitability."

"Don't worry, Spring. You're my best friend, and it'll stay that way for a long time, hopefully."

Spring heard the last sentence, and remembered what was going to happen before he showed up, and what was going to happen after he left. She pulled Alfred closer, and buried her face in his chest. She didn't want to admit that it wasn't because of her fear of hatred, but because she loved him. She felt him fall around her, as if he were protecting her. She didn't want this.

She knew when he walked out that door, he'd find someone else, and she'd be alone again. All because she was too scared to admit that she loved him. She had a choice, right now, to say something. Yet, she chose not to. She remained silent, hanging on to Alfred like a child. She didn't want him to leave.

"C-can you s-stay for t-the night?" she asked hesitantly.

"Sure," he replied, "if it'll reassure you."

Eventually, Spring fell asleep in his arms, and he took her to her bed, laying her down. When he stood up straight, again, he scanned the room. Something in particular caught his eye, and he walked over to her desk. On the desk was a black desk lamp; a blank journal; a collection of pens and pencils; and a handgun. He wondered why she'd leave something so trivial out for everyone to see.

He picked it up, and examined it. He opened the barrel, taking note that it was loaded. He noticed the safety was off, and he began to wonder what she was planning to do. He looked over to her while she slept peacefully. He took the bullets out, and hid them. He grabbed a piece of paper from the journal, and crumpled it up to fit in the barrel. He jammed the gun with the paper, a very dangerous idea. If Spring was planning to do what he thought she'd do, he knew he was saving a life.

He sat down on the bed, next to her. He watched her sleep as he ran his hands through her hair. He remained silent, afraid to wake her up and confront her about the weapon.

After awhile, he got back up, and wandered into the main room, again. He felt bad for Spring, having to live in this small, lonely apartment. He wished he could've convinced his father to take her in three years ago.

Brushing off the thought, he laid down on the couch, and began to drift to sleep, waking up early the next morning. He played the thought of leaving before Spring woke up, but he knew it was wrong. She'd been so upset last night that he'd been gone for so long.

But, he didn't have to wait long. Spring came in a short while later.

"Hey," she greeted sombrely. "I didn't want to wake you up. You can go whenever you feel like."

"That can wait, Spring," he replied. "I just wanna say, thank you for being there last night."

"You're welcome."

"What time did you wake up?"

"Midnight."

"Spring, you fell asleep at ten. You mean to tell me you only got two hours of sleep?"

"You don't seem very concerned. And if you are, you shouldn't be. It's been normal for about a year, now. Waking up in the middle of the night in a fit, and not being able to go back to sleep."

"Have you been to a doctor at all?"

Spring shook her head. "Not once. I know it won't help," she stated. "I've been to a doctor before to help with my depression. It didn't help one bit."

"Spring, you should've reached out to someone," Alfred said worriedly.

"It's okay, I've learned to live with it," Spring replied dismissively.

"It's not okay to only get two hours of sleep," Alfred said. "It has so many negative effects."

"It's okay. I sleep during class, usually."

"It's not okay, but I understand I'm not gonna convince you. I'll see you around."

"See ya," Spring replied, wanting him to be gone so she could finally end it all. She knew she could never have him, he just wasn't interested. She'd lose him to another girl, and she would either have to comfort him again, or lose him forever.

She couldn't take the emotional trauma again, so she'd make sure she didn't have to. Little did she know, Alfred was still standing outside the door, listening in.

She stood, heading back into her bedroom. She took the gun from her desk, and examined it. She could've sworn to leaving the safety off, but she turned it back off, anyways. She took the barrel to her head, and pulled the trigger, and nothing happened. She examined the handgun, again, and realised that it'd been jammed. She tossed the thing on the bed.

"Dammit!" she shouted.

She felt arms embrace her, as tears streamed her face. She elbowed the body behind her in the stomach. She heard Alfred's voice grunt as he reeled back, holding his stomach.

"Damn you, Alfred!" she yelled. "All I wanted to do was end this cycle of trauma that I've been through for the past nineteen years! And you decide to take that power away!"

"Spring," he sputtered, "i-it's not w-worth it!"

"Of course it is, Alfred! I don't see a reason to continue, so why even try?!"

"What is this about, Spring?" Alfred asked, using Spring's dresser to support himself. "Why do you want to end yourself so badly?"

"B-because," Spring stuttered, "I-I know we can't be together. I know y-you don't l-love me l-like that... I know- I know-"

Spring broke down, falling to her knees as she cried. "I know you don't care!" she yelled. "I know you don't care that I'm hurting myself over you! That I cry myself to sleep every night, because of you! Because if you did, you'd ask more often!"

"Spring, I care more than anything," he replied, kneeling down. He held his hand under her chin. "You're my best friend, and-"

"That's the problem!" Spring cried. "I'm your 'best friend,' and I want to be more than that! But I know you don't think of me that way!"

"Spring, please don't cry..." Alfred pleaded. "I'm sorry, I just- I don't know... I wouldn't think it'd be right to date you... I get that I shouldn't judge on you on this, but you're so unstable. You refuse to accept the help I try to offer. I promise you, a doctor can help you more than you think, you just have to let them."

"I don't want a doctor's help. I want __your__ help. I want you to tell me why I feel this way, tell me why you don't love me..."

"I do love you, Spring-"

"Then why don't you say it? Why don't you show it? Why did you choose her over me? Why, Alfred, why?!"

"Spring, please, listen to me. I love you, but it just feels wrong. I don't know what to tell you, because it's not something that you did. I just don't see it happening."

"Then, I guess I'm just hopeless. I'm a hopeless piece of shit that no one loves. Just let me kill myself in peace, Alfred. Stop trying to convince me that I have a reason to live, when you know I have nothing."

"Just, please... I don't know what I would do if I lost you. This is spinning out of control, and we're just repeating ourselves. This needs to stop, Spring."

Alfred went to hug Spring again, but she backed away.

"I don't want to get attached again," she said coldly. "Just go."

"No, Spring, I'm not going to leave. I know you're hurt, and I'm sorry. I've been through emotional trauma before. Maybe not to the degree that you've been through, but it's something beyond anything normal," Alfred replied.

"I don't c-care! I don't want to get attached, then you find some other girl, and leave me again. I don't want this to happen, again, so just go!"

"Well, maybe if you listened for once, we wouldn't be in this situation!" Alfred snapped.

Spring's eyes widened, hearing his words. But, he was right. Even if the fact that he snapped at her was shocking, he was no less right. He was all right, in fact. She __should__ listen better.

"If... If I did listen better, would you consider me at all?" she asked him.

"I can't say, Spring. Even if I __did__ , and we did end up dating, I don't think it would last long. I don't think there's that kind of chemistry between us."

"Yet, here I am, begging you take me. The only chemistry that doesn't exist is from you, so I shouldn't have even tried. This is exactly what I knew the answer would be, and I don't feel good about being right. I wanted to be wrong, Alfred. I wanted you to take me in your arms and say "Yes, Spring, I love you," to prove me wrong. But, apparently, I was right. Heh, that just proves hope is a lost cause," Spring whispered the last part.

"Spring, that doesn't prove anything. I do love you, but I just don't see us being a long-term thing," Alfred argued.

"You have just as much hope as I do, right now. Maybe you're right. Maybe I should just give up on romance. Not like anyone would love a bitch like me, anyways. Your brother didn't want me, Bonnie didn't want me, why should I have expected that you'd want me? That just proves I'm as stupid as I thought."

"Spring, you're a brilliant girl," Alfred said in defence. "I just don't think you're my t-"

"I'm not __anyone's__ type!" Spring screeched. "And it's fucking discouraging! Your brother wasn't happy with me, Bonnie wasn't happy with me, why should you be happy with me?! Why should I be happy with me?! I'm a disgrace to society! I haven't done anything in terms of being helpful, and I've only wasted oxygen and food that could be saved for the people who actually matter!"

"Spring, please," Alfred begged, "you're scaring me. Why do you want to do this to yourself, really? Don't bullshit me by saying you don't matter, because you matter to me!"

"Then why don't you love me?!" Spring asked. "If I mattered, you'd be here, you'd say that you loved me, you'd say that you actually __did__ care about me! But, you never do, so why should I believe you?"

"Because, I'm here now, telling you this."

"But, now is a little too late. I already feel like trash. This isn't what I wanted."

"What do you mean?" Alfred asked, cocking his brow.

"I mean that, I wanted to end my life. I still do. Before you were here, that gun was about to be to my skull, and then you showed up. I knew, that after you left, you'd find some other girl to be with, eventually, and you'd be gone again. The person that I grew attached to, the person I __loved__ , ripped away once more, leaving me to feel like garbage," Spring answered. "Before you came along, I'd never had a friend. And, when I was fourteen, I was told the truth; I was a mistake. My parents didn't want me. And that was part of what fucked me up. A little less than a year later, they died, and that's how I became an orphan. I felt like no one cared about me at all, and then you came along. I finally felt loved, wanted, cared for, and happy. Of course, I was still crying on the inside, but not for long. In a little over a year, we got to know each other, and spent so much time together that I was finally happy. And, eventually I fell in love with you. But, when you were whisked away by the girl of __your__ dreams, I was left with nothing. I began to slowly realise that you didn't care enough to check up on me, you didn't want me enough to keep me around even after you started dating. I bet you, that if you were still dating Maggie, I'd be lying on this bedroom floor in a pool of my own blood."

"Spring, I never thought about it that way. How your life had been so unfortunate until I came along. I didn't think I had that much of an impact on you."

"It doesn't stop there," Spring stated. "I dated both your brother, and Bonnie for a while, but they outright told me it wasn't going to work. But at least they __tried__. They __tried__ to understand me, they __tried__ to help me, they __tried__ to bring me out of depression. And though they may have failed, they still __tried__. You're still sitting here saying there's no chance, but you're not even willing to try. You've become a different person, Alfred. Maggie changed you."

Alfred listened intently, and realised that all her words were true. He had talked briefly with Fredrick and Bonnie about their experiences with her. They'd said she was nice, but extremely sensitive and needy. He wouldn't say that to her face, but that's what they'd said. He guessed that remembering that had turned him off from her. And, after dating Maggie, he did now realise how arrogant he'd become. He guessed his brain was just in that state where he desired Maggie, but couldn't have her.

"I'm so sorry," Alfred said with the same broken voice he'd had last night. "I'm so, so sorry. I will try, I promise. I will change. I will be a better friend, I will be everything you need me to be."

"I hope so," Spring replied," because, I don't think I could take it if you weren't.

* * *

 **3,446 words (edited, not including author's notes)**


	9. Deceitful Minds

****Think of this as a spiritual successor to No Control. I hadn't thought about it, at first, but rereading it, I found that it basically is. This is by far the story I've had the most fun making. ...Happy Easter, btw.****

Alfred ran his fingers through Spring's soft, long, green hair. Her scent was intoxicating, and he could barely contain himself. His ferocity needing an outlet, as well as his frustration. This wasn't love. This was raw __need__. A sexual need. He didn't feel love for her, he only saw her as an object. And he was disgusted by it.

He wanted to love her, because she needed him to love her. But, the best he could do was fake it. He wasn't necessarily one-sided, he was just ready to finally get some action.

Maybe he was too brash. He'd only gotten out of a relationship a week before they started going out. But, Spring had held a gun to her head, and was more than ready to pull the trigger. He couldn't live with that. But, he felt empty.

Spring ran her hands up his back. He knew she could tell what he was thinking, and she pulled away. Her violet eyes pierced his sky blue ones as they met. She could see the lust in his, and he could see the fear in hers. She didn't want to lose him.

She'd admitted to loving him more than the air she breathed, and didn't want that air unless she could be with him. He knew he couldn't let his best friend die over something that silly. But, the fear in her eyes changed to hurt.

She knew what he wanted, she knew he just wanted to use her, and she wanted anything but that. She wanted him to love her. She could've moved on, had he just said things weren't working out, but he said nothing of the sort. He said he loved her. She only now realised it held no meaning, and she was being lied to.

"Just go," she whispered softly and shakily. She didn't want him to leave, as he was her anchor, but he needed to be let go.

"Why should I?" he asked quietly, pulling her closer.

"I don't want your pity," she replied against his chest. "It's clear that you think of me as an object. I don't want to be a toy, I want to be loved."

"Just give me time, Spring," Alfred pleaded. "I can change, I swear to you."

I say he pleaded, but in all seriousness, it was just him saying that. He didn't want his best friend gone in the coming days, and he knew, after what had transpired while he neglected her, she'd be gone in a few, short days. His best friend was like his heart and soul, just not in the lovey-dovey way. He didn't know how to convey to her that he cared, that he cared for her more than any other guy could.

And, shoot, when he thought about it that way, he guessed he did love her.

"Is love not caring for one another? Sharing deep passion for the other person, and them, in turn, returning that passion?" he asked her.

"I guess," she said, "but, I know you only look at me as a sex toy. As something to bring you pleasure. As-"

"I'm going to stop you right there, to say; you always bring me pleasure. Not in the sexual way, but just being there. Your smile is lovely, your scent is intoxicating, and when you're happy, you're the greatest person to be around."

Alfred couldn't see, but Spring blushed as he said that. She couldn't believe she was trying to get rid of the guy who, in all honesty, kept her happy.

"Alfred," Spring said, pulling away, "I don't want to be alone again. Knowing that I could be with someone forever would make me the happiest I'd ever be. Can you promise me that I'll never be alone?"

"Yes," Alfred replied, "I promise you that very thing. Someone to be with, until your final days. I will always be there, and you can come to me whenever. Whatever you do, you have my support. I love you, Spring."

Spring looked at him with wonder in her eyes. Though, her expression made her look like she wanted to cry.

Alfred wouldn't have that, as there had been far too many depressing moments in their three years of knowing each other. He kissed Spring's forehead, and held her close once again, this time remaining silent.

He began to run his hands through her hair again, feeling the soft, tangled strands between his fingers. He loved it, and could never deny a feeling like that. He felt her dainty hands run up his sides, and he closed his eyes.

The two eventually fell asleep in each other's arms, falling to the bed once they were out.

The next morning, Spring awoke to find Alfred missing from the bed. She didn't worry herself, assuming that he was somewhere in the apartment, but found he wasn't. Again, she didn't think too much of it, until it was almost 11pm again, and he still hadn't been back. She felt used, now. She'd let his silver tongue convince her that he loved her, when, in truth, he was just using her. They'd had sex once, and she'd loved it.

But now, he was gone. However, she questioned if he was ever there. Maybe he was still with Maggie, and it had all been a figment of her imagination. She remembered all the desperate, vivid, wet dreams she'd had involving him. What kept the last three months from being a dream? Was it because it felt too real? Was it because she wanted to hold onto the idea that maybe, just for a little bit, she was loved?

She didn't know. She wouldn't call, unless he didn't call or show up tomorrow to explain, and she went to bed again, awaking the next morning, once again, without him. And, it continued for several days, before she got the courage to call.

When she did, she heard Alfred greet her over the line.

"Hey, Spring!" he said in a cheery tone.

"Hey, where've you been? You were here a couple days ago, and we went to sleep together, and I haven't seen you since then," Spring replied monotonously.

"What're you talking about? I've been on vacation for the past couple months, and just got back a couple days ago! I haven't been anywhere, yet!"

Spring hung up, breaking down, crying. She couldn't believe her paranoid self had created a surreal lie, just to keep herself from leaping off a cliff, to keep her from going insane. But the fabrication proved her insanity.

She'd never been diagnosed with schizophrenia, or anything similar. She felt like lashing out on someone, but it was her own fault.

She should've known he'd never love her, he'd never fuck her, never kiss her, never say 'I love you,' even out of pity.

She all but crawled back to her bedroom, taking a knife from a drawer, and began to slit her wrists. It was a familiar, and satisfying habit. It didn't necessarily take away the pain, but it reduced it. She wanted him to be here. She wanted him to love her. But he never got dumped, he never dumped her, and so Spring was all alone. She'd called Alfred for confirmation, but that was the only time he'd ever answered her calls.

She knew she wasn't cut out to deal with her emotions. She should've been talking to a therapist, or a doctor, or __someone__ who had a way to help depression. Yet, she refused. She didn't want to talk to some ass on the other end of the suicide hotline that would only tell her shit that she'd heard a million times before. And she knew every one of them was true, but she still wanted that bullet through her head, that knife across her throat, or the noose around her neck.

She'd spent countless hours, obsessing over one guy, and crying about the fact she'd never have him. The fact that her phone didn't ring in a response call told her that he didn't care.

She'd called, and with the most emotionless voice, asked him where he'd gone a few days ago, and he didn't question it.

Though, she stopped cutting herself for a moment to ponder what had prompted it.

Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't going to be around, so her mind created a fake version of him to occupy her silent space, and that copy of him left when the real one returned. That night they had sex, was more than likely her getting herself off to thoughts of him. Those times where she thought they were making out, she was bawling her eyes out.

She turned out the lights, laying down to go back to sleep, and began to do so. She cried, knowing that he was never there. She cried, knowing that, even if he was, it would've never been because he loved her. She cried, because she wanted the one thing she could never have, and that was love. Ever since her parents died, she'd been shown nothing but hatred, and he was the one guy whom showed compassion.

No one at school had ever known her parents died, no one at school had asked why she'd hide in the P.E. locker room and cry everyday, no one at school cared about her. Teachers and students alike.

When her grades dropped, none of her teachers thought to ask 'What's going on?' or, 'Do you think you need tutoring?' or any concern whatsoever. She was the most depressed girl in school, and she was only ignored further because of it. Everyone thought she wanted attention, which, in all honesty, she did want, but that was never her goal. Her shitty outlook on life had been because she had no reason to keep living it, no motivation.

Then, Alfred came into her life. She finally had a friend, someone to motivate her to keep pushing. But then, just like everyone else, he left. He left, and had yet to truly come back into her life.

She cried because she knew she'd never be remembered.

No one would ever care about her, and she was the exact definition of 'a face only a mother could love.'

She took out her phone, and looked at her texts. She messaged Alfred, asking 'Why are you never here for me, anymore?'

And he replied back with 'I don't know. Things aren't the way they used to be.'

And Spring put her phone down, continuing to cry. She knew that, she didn't need to hear that.

'Alfred, I'm sobbing, I'm feeling suicidal, what do I do?'

'Spring, please, just call the suicide hotline. They're the professionals.'

'I don't need a professional, I need a reason to be motivated. I don't ever receive attention, no one worries about me, no one cares about me. Don't say you care, because you don't. If you cared, you'd dare to talk to me once in awhile.'

'Spring, things are different. I have a different job, now. I have school, a girlfriend, and soon to be, my own apartment payments to be taking care of. I have to cut certain things from my life, just to keep up.'

'So, apparently, the friend who you knew was more than suicidal was one of those things? I see how it is. Don't expect me to be at school tomorrow. Or the next day. Or ever again, for that matter.'

'Spring, please... Don't do this.'

'I don't care what you have to say. So what? You're short one friend, how does that affect you, or anyone else for that matter? I don't have any family, I barely have a home to live in, I have a job that I'm barely getting payed for, I'm unmotivated to go out and try to find someone to keep me company, what else should I do?'

'Reach out to me. If you tell me how you're feeling, I'll more than likely make time to reply, eventually.'

'What if I don't have 'eventually,' Alfred? What if I'm unstable, to the point where, if I don't get a soon enough reply, I'll kill myself. In fact, I don't care anymore, bye.'

Spring put her phone down, and thought about Alfred.

It had been a normal day, other than the new kid who had shown up at school. Alfred Fazbear, the one whom Spring had to show around the school, whoopdy-fucking-doo. But, he stuck out from everyone else.

They would spend their time in class, when the teacher wasn't lecturing, talking to each other. Learning each other's interests, building a friendship. Spring sat at lunch, knowing he was only being polite because she was forced to show him around the school, and he didn't want to discourage her from doing so. She never thought he'd talk to her after today.

He sat next to her at lunch, and she admitted to him she was an orphan. Sixteen years old, constantly bullied, and had a home in an orphanage. She admitted she'd never had a true friend, and wanted to just end it all, but he talked her out of it.

He even suggested that his family adopt her. Of course, it never ended up happening, but it was the thought that counted.

The next year, they were hanging out at the park, and someone bumped into her. She fell onto him, and their lips met accidentally. She pulled herself up quickly, blushing from embarrassment and stammering apologetically. Though, he was calm. A bit shaken up, but still calm.

She hoped secretly, since that day, that there would be another time, but the only difference being; it was purposeful.

She wanted him to slyly just kiss her one day. Hell, it didn't have to be sly, she just wanted to feel his soft lips against hers one more time. But, it never really happened.

For the first half of the next year, things continued as normal. They would catch movies together now and again, hang at the park, sometimes, and, on rare occasion, head to his house. Spring was finally old enough to be booted from the orphanage, and worked on getting her own apartment as soon as possible. Though, soon enough, he drifted away.

He'd become attracted to another girl, and slowly started spending less and less time with her, to flirt with the new girl.

She became discouraged in thinking they would ever get together, but tried to stay headstrong. When he stopped hanging out with her, and was fully dating the new girl, she lost hope in a few short days.

She eventually got her own apartment, and could move away from the orphanage counsellors that were constantly begging that she'd come talk to them. She refused, because they would never understand, and couldn't fix the problem, even if they tried.

And, the next year, all of this started.

All of this shit she was having such a hard time with. Alfred's two-month-long vacation that left her with delusions of reality. She could tell it was getting bad. But, she felt arms wrapped around her. Arms that weren't there when she went into her trance-like state. Arms that were comforting, strong, and empowering. Arms that were warm, living, and forgiving. She knew Alfred was holding her. She knew it wouldn't last.

"What're you even here for?" she asked quietly. "It's not like my decision affects you..."

"Spring, it affects me more than you think it does," Alfred whispered. "I want you around, no matter how depressed or suicidal you become."

Spring felt tears stung her eyes. "Alfred, while you were gone, I was having delusions of reality," Spring admitted.

"Such as?" Alfred said, wanting her to elaborate.

"I thought you were here all that time," Spring said. "You came in, with a disheartened look on your face, and in a black suit. You'd been dumped by Maggie, and, we just talked. That's why I called you. When you came back home, that delusion disappeared. It felt so real, I thought it was really you. You showed me kindness, compassion... love."

"What were the specifics on that?" Alfred asked, pushing further.

"I-I don't wanna say part of it, b-but, you kissed me. We made out, and you held me close, like this. You said you loved me, and I thought it was all real. I wanted it to be real. But I know it never will be..."

"I'm sorry, Spring," Alfred whispered. "I'm just not really that interested..."

"Those were the words I dreaded to hear for so long," Spring mentioned. "And now, I've heard them. What use is there in pushing any further? You're my best – and only – friend. I know, now that I've admitted that I love you, that things are going to be so awkward. I don't understand why you would want to hang out with someone who will continually obsess over you."

"Because, Spring, we're friends. A little awkwardness won't affect anything, at least, as much as you think it will. I don't think any less of you. You're human, and you're going to love who you love."

"I don't want us to be just friends... Do you remember the day we accidentally kissed?"

"Vaguely, yes," Alfred replied.

"That was my first kiss," Spring said. "Heh, I can't believe there was no feeling behind it. First kiss, and it didn't even mean anything to the other person involved."

Alfred was silent. He couldn't outright deny he felt anything between them, that would completely break her spirits. He had to change the subject.

"Hey, I promise I'll try to be there more," he offered.

"Didn't mean anything..." Spring repeated to herself. "I am worthless."

"No, Spring, you're not," Alfred pleaded, trying to console her.

"I can't find anyone who even __wants__ to kiss me... Why do I get by as a human being?"

"Spring, because you have desires, needs, wants, opinions, thoughts, emotions, and so much more."

"I'm still fucking hung up on that, and it was two years ago. What am I doing?"

Alfred gave up trying to console her. She was clearly stuck in her own little world.

"Why is it so hard to get someone to notice me? To appreciate me? To notice that I enjoy their company? That I want them around more? All the time, if possible. Apparently, it takes more than I have to give."

Alfred didn't know how to answer, "No, Spring. It doesn't. You have a lot to give, I just don't think we're right for one another. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Spring argued, "it's my fault for being a terrible, weak person. I need to be stronger, but I don't know how..."

"Baby steps, Spring, baby steps."

Spring held tighter to him. She didn't wanna let go.

"If I let you go, would you still be a part of me?"

"I don't know, Spring."

"Is this real? Will I go on? Or, is this all just a huge fantasy? I mean, it's been so long since I've seen you, I guess I just lost my mind."

"Spring, I can't answer these questions."

"I just wanna stay here. I don't wanna forget, I don't want you to disappear."

"I won't, hopefully."

Spring whispered to herself, "Goodbye, my only friend. I wish this wasn't it. I don't want to go back to being lonely, but I know I will."

Spring squeezed her eyes shut, tears streaming from them. Alfred hadn't heard her, and she didn't want him to hear. She knew every word was in vain. Tomorrow, it would've all been but a dream to him. But, it was real to Spring. She didn't want to fade from his memory, but she knew she would. She wasn't important, she wasn't memorable, he didn't love her. What was the point?

 **3,307 words (not including author's notes)**


	10. When Tragedy Strikes

Spring looked at herself in the mirror, seeing what she thought of herself. The theme for the costume party was to come looking trashy, so she threw on her shirt that she'd been keeping – for some reason – for about the past year. It was ripped up. It showed a bit of her stomach, which she was very self-conscious of, her right arm, which she had to bandage up in order to hide all the scars she'd given herself, and a slight bit of her left arm, that she bandaged up just to keep with a theme.

She blushed, unable to stop staring at her slightly exposed stomach, and how flat it was.

She sighed, rubbing her right arm, and headed out. She grabbed the keys to the lock on her bike, and she headed outside. She unlocked her bike from it's chain, placing the chain around the handlebar, and the key in her pocket. She got on, kicked up the stand, and started riding up towards the school, where the party was being held. She felt as if, when she got there, she'd be shunned for the slight bit of skin she was showing, but she doubted the school would do that. She'd bought the ticket, and was going to get her money's worth.

When she arrived, there were a few guys outside, smoking. She locked her bike up, placing the key in her opposite pocket, and began walking inside. She heard the playful flirts of one of the guys, but ignored him. She handed her ticket to the gatekeeper, a nerdy-looking kid with glasses, and slicked-back hair, and he admitted her.

She went inside, watching all the craziness around her begin to pick up. The lights danced across the room, loud EDM music played in the background, and everyone was dancing their hearts out. But, she stayed close to the corner, watching everyone have a good time.

She was scoping out, looking for anyone familiar in the crowd, and of course, she found someone. It was Alfred. She began to walk closer, but eventually stepped back, being afraid to approach. They hadn't spoken in months, and he was probably waiting on Maggie, his girlfriend, to get out of he bathroom or something. But, minutes passed. It eventually got to the point where Spring realised he was here alone. She knew he'd be here, but she assumed on a date of sorts. She began to walk closer, eventually coming up to greet him.

"Hey," she yelled over the loud music.

He looked at her, and smiled a bit.

"Hey Spring," he yelled back, bringing her into a hug. "Fancy meeting you here! Didn't think you were the party type."

"Heh, I'm really not," Spring replied. "So, where's Maggie?"

Just then, Alfred's expression faded. "You wanna go someplace, uh, quieter?" he asked.

"Uh, sure..."

Alfred guided her outside, knowing almost anywhere would be quieter than in the building.

"She stood me up," he stated, "and, I know she did it just to cheat on me."

"Oh, man... I-I'm sorry for bringing it up," Spring apologised. "What've you been up to these past few months?"

"Nothing much," Alfred admitted. "You?"

"I, um, I-" Spring stammered. "N-nothing..."

"You hesitated" Alfred pointed out.

"H-huh?"

"You hesitated. Is everything all right?"

Spring's stomach sank. She didn't want to admit how obsessive she was being towards him over the time that they hadn't spent together. She didn't want to sound desperate, she just wanted to do what she hadn't done for months; talk.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine," she lied.

"I'm not so sure," Alfred commented, "but, I won't press. I know you don't like that."

They stood there for a moment in awkward silence, staring at each other as time seemingly slowed down.

"Hey, uh, if you know what Maggie's doing, why haven't you dumped her?" Spring asked. She immediately regretted it, however, as Alfred's expression changed from neutral to a bit more on the angered side.

"I have no clue. I should dump that bitch," he mumbled. "I put up with her shit day in and day out, and what for?"

Spring backed away, feeling scared of what he was going to do next. Her throat tightened, and she began to sweat lightly.

"Um, Alfred?" she attempted, trying to get him out of his current train of thought.

"I fucking do everything for her, and she just cheats on me in return. She never says she loves me, she just pushes me aside, like a fucking child."

"Alfred, stop, you're scaring me," Spring said worriedly, holding up her hands. "I regret even bringing it up."

The expression on Spring's face paired with the frightened sound of her voice made Alfred realise what he was doing.

"It's not your fault, Spring," Alfred said, slowly pulling Spring closer, wrapping his arms around her. Her hair smiled like roses. "It's mine. I went off on a tangent that I shouldn't've. I should've resolved this by confronting her, instead of coming here and trying to find someone to make her jealous. I know that she doesn't love me, and yet I still hang onto hope that, one day, she'll change her mind."

Spring stood by whilst Alfred poured his heart out. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"My head tells me to drop everything to impress her, and one day she'll come to me. Have you ever loved someone just that deeply?"

"Yes," Spring replied softly, "and, I still love that person. Even though I know they'll never notice me like that, and I'm just a pillow for them. They only come to me when they need me. They used to be there when I needed them, but now they're never there. They ran off with someone else."

"That guy sounds like a scumbag," Alfred replied.

"What can I do?" Spring asked. "He never answers my calls or texts, and I rarely ever see him anymore. He doesn't realise that all I need is for him to just be there. I wouldn't think it'd be hard to give me the time of day. He used to be there all the time for me to talk to, and he'd always provide help when I needed it. I did my best to console him when he needed it, as well. Now, that's all lost."

Tears stung Spring's eyes as she was listing things to deal with him, but he was still too upset, or perhaps oblivious, to put it together.

"He sounds like he has some priority issues. You're a great girl, and I don't see how anyone could ever hurt you like that," Alfred stated.

Spring pulled away, holding her hands over her face as tears spilled over her eyes. "It's you, Alfred!" she screamed. "I'm describing exactly what happened with you, and you didn't even take the time to try and put it together! You're the only person I've ever trusted, and you hurt me like that!"

Alfred looked at Spring with extreme worry. The gears of his mind began to turn, and he realised she was right. He used to be there for her, listen to her every word, and comfort her. Now, he'd run off trying to impress Maggie, but yet, he abandoned the one whom cared most about him. And yet, here she was, standing in front of him, being his pillow to land on. But, he thought about what she said originally. "I still love that person," was what stuck out to him. Even after all the shit he'd put her through, she was still willing to love him?

"Why in hell would you love a scumbag like me?" he asked aloud.

Spring sniffled, stopping her tears for a moment to ask, "Huh?"

"I put you through hell, and yet you still have the capacity to love me," Alfred said. "Though maybe not intentionally, I toyed with your emotions to the point that I'm surprised you didn't end your life. I'm such a terrible person, and I didn't stop to think who was affected by my actions. I was reckless, and yet, you still, by some capacity, continue to hold your feelings for me."

With every passing word, Spring came to understand the person Alfred was becoming. She didn't believe her ears, at first, but soon realised he'd always loathed himself a little bit. It had just sprouted more from where the seed was planted long ago.

"Alfred, it's because you were one of the few people who actually tried to listen and understand, before calling me out as 'weird' because of something dumb," Spring replied, "like, because I didn't go through puberty the same way other girls did. I don't have any attractive features at all, yet you were still there. I love you because I never thought you'd truly abandon me, and I still held to that thought, even if it was readily apparent you had."

"Spring, I- I had no idea..." Alfred replied, astonished.

"And to make matters worse," Spring continued, "after tonight, I can barely believe who you are, now... You've changed so much, yet so little. How can we still be called friends, anymore?"

"I-I don't think we really are..." Alfred replied. "I'm sorry for the hell I put you through. But, I don't understand where you're coming from. How could you still hang onto hope that maybe, one day, I'll come back? Why would you want to, if I just left you like that?"

"Because, just like you said, I'd do anything for you."

Alfred pulled Spring closer, and they both were silent. Alfred held her tighter, knowing she was crying. He hurt her badly, but he soon got an idea.

"Hey, can I make it up to you?" he asked her in a hushed tone.

"H-how?" she sputtered.

"Will you let me?"

"D-depends..."

"I'll take you out," Alfred said quietly. "I'll take you out for the best night of your life. We'll do whatever you want. Your night to have me all to yourself."

It sounded very appealing to Spring. She wanted him to herself for more than a night, though. But, she couldn't accept his gift.

"Y-you don't need to do th-that," Spring told him. "I just need a night like this. You holding me, as I tell you what's bothering me, and you try to help. I love you, Alfred, and this is what I want."

"Really?" Alfred asked, "are you sure that's it?"

Spring was silent, and she nodded. Alfred sighed, more than ready to give her all the love and attention he could. He was silent, however, and she worked from there.

She stood, tightly holding onto him, making sure he didn't leave. She held her face to his shoulder awhile longer, before pulling away slightly. She looked at him, and gave him a weak, teary smile. "Thanks," she said raspily, before standing on her toes, and kissing him. His lips tasted soft against her own, their gentle touch leaving Spring with a tingling feeling. She pulled away, and before he could say anything, stepped back, and started to run away.

"Wait!" he called after her. "I actually... and, she's gone..." Alfred finished, defeated.

* * *

Against better judgement, Spring pivoted on her heel and started to run towards her bike. Her eyes filled with tears, she quickly unlocked it, and rode away. She heard Alfred yell something, but was too ashamed of herself to listen. She didn't want to deal with the trauma that'd come afterwards. She'd lost him once, and she assumed that she'd just lost him again. Her heart was broken by herself, tears blinding her as she rode home.

She thought quickly, and crossed the street on her bike, a bad move. She didn't see the car behind her, and heard a horn, turning around to see headlights coming towards her. With little time to react, she attempted to lurch to the sidewalk-

CRASH!

She blacked out.

Her bike was wrecked, and she fell off of it onto the concrete of the sidewalk. She spiralled out of control, coming to rest against a tree. Her phone had fallen out of her pocket and the screen shattered on the sidewalk. Her nose was bloody, and her scars had been re-opened. She was bruised all over her body, and knocked unconscious.

The driver didn't stop to apologise, and probably face lawsuit - he was drunk. Thankfully, neighbours had heard the horn honk, and came to see what had happened.

When they saw a wrecked bike in the street, and a shattered phone on the sidewalk, they knew what had happened. They all came outside to see the girl who'd gotten hit, and a few called the emergency number. Of course, she could die before then. Though knocked out, her breathing was heavy and uneven. She'd taken a nasty blow, and everyone was worried about he poor girl before them. No one knew her name, and no one had seen her face before, besides one person.

"I know her, she lives in the apartment complex a ways down," said one person.

Other than that, no one had ever seen her face before. It was suggested she went to the school nearby, but no one had seen her before, and almost everyone had seen the face of walkers and bikers that were going home from school. So where was she in all of this?

It didn't matter. The ambulance soon showed up, along with another car. The man inside pulled over on the opposite side of the street, and came to help the responders. He had long, blonde hair; sky blue eyes; and extremely cute baby face. Everyone had seen him, but, again, no one knew his name. He helped them, claiming she was a close friend. It was obvious he was near tears, probably because he saw his friend in this state, but no one knew for sure.

The ambulance drove off towards the emergency room, the blonde boy having come out of the ambulance moments beforehand. He got back in his car, and drove off.

Alfred followed the ambulance to the emergency room, and helped the respondents get Spring out of the ambulance. Normally, they wouldn't have allowed this, but Alfred insisted. He cared about Spring, and promised her silently that he'd be there until she recovered. The only thing that worried him was: what if she never recovered?

What if she died in the hospital, not even by her own want. It was a reckless mistake, and Alfred prayed to God she didn't have to suffer for it.

She'd suffered enough because of him, and so help the lord, he would make sure she never suffered because of him again. She was suffering now because of him, because she thought he'd ridicule her, but, in truth, he loved her.

"Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay," he repeatedly whispered to himself.

A nurse soon came in, and said "Sir, I apologise, but visiting hours are over for tonight."

"Well, I apologise, but I'm not leaving," Alfred argued. "She is one of the most damn important people to me, and I'm not leaving until she wakes up."

"Sir, you can't-"

"Fucking watch me. I'm not going to leave until she wakes up. Then, I'll be comfortable with leaving. Her life is on the line, and she is one of the most important people to me. You can't make me leave."

"Sir, I'll have to call security, if you don't leave…."

"Can't you just make an exception this once?" Alfred asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but no. I wish I could, but I cannot."

He went home that night, but at the first available visiting hour, he was there.

He held Spring's hand, still unconscious from the previous night. He sighed, hoping and praying that she'd be okay. He swore to himself, he'd find and kill the person that did this to her if she wasn't okay.

He let go of her hand, his foot tapping furiously on the floor. He was worried. Worried he wouldn't get to tell her that he loved her. Worried he might never see her smile ever again. He sighed. He knew, that even with all of his hope, she probably wouldn't live. It would be a miracle if she did. He stepped out of the room, and looked back as he opened the door.

"Goodbye..." he whispered. He closed the door, and walked away. He got in his car, and went home.

He unlocked the front door, his brother greeting him with a bedhead and bags under his eyes.

"Where were you?" Fredrick asked with a yawn.

"I was at the ER," Alfred stated, "saying goodbye."

"Look, she'll be okay. You're worrying yourself too much over her. Just sit down, and relax, and everything will turn out fine."

Alfred stared at his brother, as tears filled his eyes. He raspily whispered, "You don't know that," in reply. But, Fredrick didn't hear it, and went on with his day.

Alfred, on the other hand, was scared. He didn't want to have to say goodbye to Spring without her hearing it. He didn't want to say goodbye without telling her the truth; that he loved her. He couldn't stop thinking about how he'd end the scumbag who did it. Sociopathic he may be, but he'd end that fucker the moment he could.

Spring was basically family to him, even if they hadn't spoken in months. She meant the absolute world to him, and he couldn't allow her to die on him. He was more scared than words could ever describe. He wanted to find some way to release his feelings, but couldn't muster up how. He was in turmoil, and he couldn't take he pressure that was on.

He remembered to the time when his mother was dying on a hospital bed, and he felt like crying. He couldn't let someone else so close to him meet another terrible fate on a gurney. It was too much for his mind to bear, and he passed out then and there, his mind weak from being up all night.

He didn't dream, other than that of reminding himself that she was going to die. He was heartbroken to know that this would be the second person he lost, and he regretted not learning his lesson from the first time. He should've spent so much more time with Spring than he did, but he can't go back and change that now.

And to think, it took her confrontation for him to realise how much he actually loved her.

He awoke hours later, remembering the terrible reality he was living in.

"Why does it have to be her?" he asked to no one, sitting up. "Why couldn't it have been me? I'm the one who deserves it, not her. She didn't do anything, I was the cause of it all, and now I'll never see her again."

"Why are you blaming yourself?" Fredrick asked, his arms folded as he leaned against the kitchen counter, just one room over.

"Because it is my fault," Alfred replied. "If I had gone after her on foot, ran as fast as I could, I could've caught up to her. I could've told her everything, and saved her from getting hit. It's all my fault..."

"Don't tell me... This situation reminds you of-"

"Yes!" Alfred snapped. "Another person I love dearly is dying on a hospital bed, and there's nothing I can do now to stop it! Why didn't I learn the first time?! What stopped me from spending more time with her?!"

"Alfred, dear brother, calm down. She'll be okay," Fredrick said, attempting to reassure him.

"You don't know that!" Alfred exclaimed, tears beginning to run down his cheeks. "You don't know if she'll be okay, you don't know if everything will go back to normal, you don't know if I'll get to tell her I loved h- No..."

"No, what?"

"I never told her I loved her..." Alfred said. "The fuck kind of friend am I?!"

He ran upstairs to his room, slamming the door, and proceeding to punch it, the force of his hand bloodying his knuckles, and leaving a dent in the door.

"She doesn't deserve this... God, if you actually do exist, where the fuck are you? Where are your damn miracles? Because I could use one right now. Save Spring, take me instead. Put me in hell, where I belong, but save her," Alfred said surprisingly quietly.

He held his wrist, the blood trickling down his arm, and the splinters keeping the skin open. He didn't treat himself, he wanted it to get infected and eventually kill him. Silent tears continued to roll down his face, and he whispered, "Why?"

He began to pace in his room slowly, walking in a circle to clear his mind, but it's always go back to the image of Spring laying on the floor, her nose bloody, her body bruised, and perhaps multiple bones broken. He couldn't bear the thought that she would die, but he still did. He couldn't understand why it had to be her, and not him, the one who deserved to get hit.

"Take me back, oh God," he whispered. "Take me back, and replace Spring with me. Kill me, not her. I deserve to die for being the shittiest friend ever."

He eventually fell asleep in the floor, the idea that Spring might die was a tiring thought. He didn't want to see, or even experience the second death of a loved one so close to him. He may not have communicated it to her, but she was always on his mind. Even if he'd been dating someone else, he'd be subconsciously wondering what Spring was doing at that point.

He was greatly devastated, but upon awakening, he was greeted with something very promising.

"Alfred, Alfred," Fredrick repeated, attempting to shake his brother awake.

Alfred groaned, turning on his side and slowly sitting up. "I was trying to be mournful over the death of my friend, what do you want?"

"She's alive, Alfred. She's alive, she's awake, she can talk. The doctors are saying she'll be okay."

Alfred's face softened into a happy smile, as tears spilled over his eyes, tears of joy. "Sh-she's gonna be okay?" he asked hesitantly.

"That's what they're saying. They're the professionals. But, they're stressing there's no guarantee that she'll come out on top... She's talking just fine, but her body was really shaken up after what happened. They can't say anything for sure, yet," Fredrick explained.

"Th-that's still good enough for me... I can still tell her I love her, and say my good-byes, if need be," Alfred said, somewhat emotionally defeated. "I-I just don't know what to feel. I don't know if I should be happy that she's doing okay, or still upset that she hasn't fully recovered."

"It's okay. In these kind of situations, it's hard to bounce back..."

"You'd think I'd know, seeing I was the closest to mom... That's why I've been so upset. I felt like I didn't spend enough time with her, and I made the same mistake with Spring... I'm hoping – __praying –__ that she'll come out on top..."

"I am, too. I feel like I never got to know Spring that well, and I'm hoping to change that. I __want__ to change that."

"I'm not sure if I wanna go visit her," Alfred admitted. "I mean, I was only there two days ago, and I'm not sure I'm ready to face the fact that she could still die. No matter how much I want her to pull through, that's up to how her strength stacks up, and I know she's a frail person, emotionally and physically..."

"Look, just rejoice that she'll be okay, for now," Fredrick told him.

"But, if I do, then I know for sure she'll just die. She'll die, and I will know true pain. The hope that the one you love staying alive, taken away by the natural course of life. She's going to die, I know it."

"Don't be so pessimistic. Think on the bright side. At least you finally get to tell her-"

Alfred was quickly to his feet and running out the door. He ignored the car entirely, getting on his own bike, and riding up there. He knew he had to take advantage of this chance. He might never be able to tell her this, had he not taken this chance.

He sat in the waiting room, patiently sitting there for his "okay" signal. He soon received it, and was back to her room as soon as he could be.

He opened the door slowly, observing her as she watched him.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked quietly, and weakly. "Just come in here."

He did as he was told, coming in and sitting on the chair by the hospital bed. She held out her hand, and he took it gently in his own.

"Spring, I hate myself for not realising this sooner, but, I love you. And, while this may not be a reassuring thought, I couldn't let you die without telling that to you," he said softly. "I love you so much, and I hope to God you pull through."

"Alfred," she began raspily, "they say I may have a chance, but I can feel my strength failing. I hate to break it to you, but my body is too shaken up to return to a state of solace. I can't eat anything they bring to me, even if it were the most delicious thing in the world."

Alfred was on his knees beside the bed. "Sp-Spring, how can you say these things? Of course you'll pull through, you have to. I couldn't live in a world without you..." Alfred told her. "Please, hold on for as long as you can..."

"Look there," Spring told him, pointing to the heart monitor. "It's so clear that my heart is failing. I don't understand how they can say I have a chance of pulling through when I've been so steadily on the decline. I'm sorry, Alfred... I don't have the... I don't have the strength."

Her voice was failing. She was losing her ability to speak, and losing her strength quickly.

"No... No, no, no! God... Please, I need you now more than ever. If you're out there, allow her to pass through... Don't take her away from me so soon..."

"Good... Goodbye, Alfred."

"No!" Alfred's eyes were spilling over with tears. "This can't be happening again!"

He heard the steady beeps of the heart monitor fade out into one, long beep. His head was pounding, tears quickly falling, and he was unable to think straight. "This... This can't be happening... It's all a dream. All one, big nightmare... Please, let it all be a nightmare..."

His words made no difference on the monitor. Spring's body had stopped moving, she'd stopped breathing. He felt her pulse, and there was no movement.

"Th-This can't be it... I-It can't end here..."

No sounds, no movement, no breathing, no pulse. Spring was gone, and it took a while for him to accept it. He took a moment of silence for her, before uttering his last goodbye.

"So, until we meet again, Spring. I love you, and I always will. Sweet dreams."

* * *

 **4,558 words (not including this note)**

 **(Sorry that this reupload was a day late)**


	11. New Year's Eve

Spring was laid on the couch, the TV in front of her shut off. She initially wanted to watch the countdown, but was too close to wanting to be black-out drunk. The bottle of wine she'd had for a while tempted her in the freezer. She had a hard time ignoring it.

She had a blanket pulled over herself, her knees up, and halfway asleep. She didn't honestly care about the welcoming the new year. It was just another year where she'd be lonely and depressed, nothing remarkable worth celebrating. Yeah, Alfred and Maggie weren't a thing anymore, so maybe she could find her place in a social group, but it was unlikely.

Social anxiety would keep her down, and prevent her from really interacting with anyone, as it always had. There was no reason to greet a new year when it brought nothing new to the table. There wasn't any way she'd get rid of stigmas and social anxiety, among other things, in the coming year. Nor would she probably ever.

She was just about asleep when she heard a knock on the door. Who the hell could it be at this hour? It was twenty minutes until midnight, so it couldn't be some sort of door-to-door salesman. It was an absolute wonder. Nonetheless, she begrudgingly pushed the blanket off of herself, before standing and sluggishly wading to the door.

She opened the door to be greeted with a face she hadn't felt she'd really seen in two years. They'd initially parted ways shortly after he turned seventeen. He didn't text her to wish her a happy birthday on her seventeenth, or anything like that, but she sent him a text on his eighteenth and nineteenth.

She remembered the breakup night. But he hadn't talked to her since that night, so she didn't really count it. It was just his relapse and rebound from the situation, he hadn't even said anything since. No apologies were delivered for all the pain he'd put her through, barely anything was said for her sake at all. It was all him silently crying while venting out everything.

"So, what brings you 'round here?" Spring asked. "I figured I'd just become the friend you came to when you fell on hard times."

"Of course not," Alfred assured her, "I just forgot to apologise for abandoning you those years ago. But, I'm here now."

"You had nowhere else to go, did you?"

"Nope. Fredrick had Bonnie and a friend over, and Maggie wants nothing to do with me."

"Just tell me the truth next time."

"Well, even with that in mind, no one should be alone on New Year's Eve. I knew that you were here without anyone, so I figured instead of just staying cooped up alone, in my room, I could come see you."

"Uh-huh. Well, I'm not gonna tell you no, so come on in."

Alfred stepped in, the wind still howling outside. He regretted only bringing a light jacket, but it was all a spur-of-the-moment thought. He hung his jacket up, and watched Spring lay back down where she'd been before he'd arrived.

Alfred couldn't help but feel pangs of sadness in his heart to see Spring curled up, alone like that. That was how she'd live on a daily basis, and he hated seeing it. She was always so sad, and always looked so lonely. And he had left her that way. He regretted not keeping up with her.

"So, how've things been, leaving out all the shit about me?" he asked, letting his curiosity find an audible form.

She remained silent. She acted like she didn't hear him, or didn't pay attention. She didn't want to admit that everyday felt like its own slice of hell all because he wasn't there. He'd been what enabled her to wake up and face each new day as it came. She didn't want to admit that he was her everything, and that she loved him. He'd only just come out of a relationship, she didn't want to make any regrettable decisions so soon.

And even until the very end of the year, she felt empty and dead inside. He was standing right there, she could tell him everything, but she couldn't. The words wouldn't find their way onto her tongue. She knew that even they did, she'd hate herself more for it than if she remained silent.

"Spring, are you okay?" he tried to ask.

Still, silence. She just wanted to break down and cry, but she wouldn't allow herself.

He sat down next to her. He lowered himself so that his eyes tried to meet with hers. But she was staring off so far into space, he didn't know if he could bring her back.

"Spring, I'm worried about you," he said quietly. "Are you okay?"

"I— I'm fine..." she replied with a quiet, raspy voice. She wasn't really fine, but she just didn't want to talk about it.

He sighed, and reached for the remote on the couch. He turned on the TV, and flicked it over to where the countdown would be. He had it on minimal volume, and tried to breach Spring's walls again. There was still a bit over fifteen minutes before midnight.

"You're not fine," he told her. "Don't tell me you are. I'm here now, and I won't ever leave again, you can trust me."

"It's hard to trust you, because I don't know you," Spring replied softly. "It's hard to open up to someone I can't recognise."

"I haven't changed. I'm still the guy you knew two years ago, you just haven't seen me. Surely you didn't forget me, right?"

"No, but you've changed since then. I know you have. You had to rearrange some things to keep her happy, and I understand. But I don't know what those changes were, I don't know all of you like I used to."

"I guess you're right, but I'm still who I was at the core. It's difficult to understand when we haven't spoken in so long, but I still care about you the same way I did two years ago. My head just wasn't in the right place, I was so much more interested in fuelling a dying flame. I wanted so badly for something to come out of that relationship."

Spring sighed, "I— I don't know where to begin... When you left, I lost my mind. You were essentially the one keeping me talking, keeping me from ending it all. Because I finally felt like I wasn't alone in the world, anymore. I finally had you, a friend who was willing to hear me out."

"I get that. I'd hate it if I had no one to tell me things would turn out okay. That's why I hate myself so much for leaving you alone."

"I mean, there was some good to come from it. I eventually became numb to it all. Everything I'd overhear eventually just became meaningless garbage."

"Well, at least you found a way to deal with the pain."

The two went silent, each finding their way into their minds. They didn't know exactly what to say, now. At this point, they were just waiting for the countdown to start. Spring decided to try and make light of the situation.

"You wanna hear something stupid?" she asked, still half asleep.

"I guess so," Alfred said. "What is it?"

"Well, back before you and Maggie started dating, I thought maybe we had a chance together. I found love in you, when you clearly didn't like me that way. It was a good amount of what I thought about over the past two years, rethinking it all. Seems stupid, doesn't it?"

"If you say so," Alfred replied. He couldn't honestly tell her it sounded stupid, because he thought about it for a time, too. "Now, can I tell you something stupid?"

"Sure."

"I thought about the same thing at a time, but my conclusion was that you weren't ready to handle the relationship with your mental state. I brushed the thought off like it was nothing. Now I regret doing so."

"Heh, you really shouldn't feel bad. I know for sure that we won't work out. You'd regret even making the commitment in the first place."

"If you say so. I think you're doubting yourself way too much in that realm."

"Look, I'm not someone you'd want to keep a consistent relationship with. I'm clingy, needy, bitchy, and just generally not great to be around. Plus, you just got out of a relationship."

"You're right about that... but I figure that we could work out anyways. And— it's not really all those things that would keep me away from someone. It's how intense those are, compared to how much I would be willing to deal with that to get to what I love about you."

"I'd feel bad putting you through all that shit, because I feel that you could honestly find so much better. I mean, after getting to know Maggie, she wasn't as bad as I thought she was, andI thought you two were perfect for one another."

"Well, you see how that turned out. Either way, I think if we wanted to come to a definitive conclusion, we'd need to experiment with each other, see if it works out or not. But I don't wanna break your heart if things don't end up working out."

"I guess it's best to just leave things be."

They went silent once more, the countdown less than sixty seconds away. It was a moment of anticipation for it all, especially for Alfred. The exchange tonight hadn't brought him much closure. He wanted to know if they'd work well together.

He supposed he'd never truly know, and brushed it off. But he couldn't help but look at Spring with a more keen eye. She never was talkative much towards other people, and that stuck out to him. It was almost exclusively him and Fredrick she had exchanges with, she never tried to open up to anyone else in their group.

It was something that made him wonder if she'd be able to make it on her own in the world. With the way she refused to come out of a shell she built around herself years ago, he began to think that someone like her has a dying light of a chance. He didn't want to see that.

His attention was turned from his mind when he heard the countdown begin.

"10... 9... 8..."

There was so little time left for the year. What would the upcoming year bring?

"7... 6... 5..."

He hoped that he could get Spring to open up a bit more to others. Perhaps be able to help her more because of it.

"4... 3... 2..."

He felt himself moving. He had no idea what had overcome him.

"1... Happy New Year!"

His lips met Spring's. It was a sensation unlike any other, even having had done this sort of thing before. It felt different with her, because this was her first kiss. He held her cheek in his right hand, not wanting to pull away. But at last, he did.

"I... I— I, um..." Spring stammered, "I can say I wasn't expecting that."

"Is that good or bad thing?" Alfred asked.

Spring smiled, "It's a good thing."

Their lips met again, this time each putting more effort into it. Spring reached for the remote, and turned off the TV, not letting herself pull away. This was absolute heaven, everything she'd ever wanted.

She placed her hands on his waist, and he put his around her. Maybe he was jumping into this a bit early, but he felt more than ready. She had been waiting for so long, that it was divine to finally see it all become a reality.

It took her a while, but Spring pulled away, her face turning from blissful happiness to dark sadness.

"It's— It's a dream, isn't it? I'm drunk, passed out right now. I'm laying on this couch, a wine bottle half spilled onto the floor, dreaming it all. There's no way this is real," she said aloud. "This only ever happens in dreams or hallucinations. You're not real, you're at home, goofing off with your brother and his friends. Or you and Maggie never broke up, and I'm still a lonely, depressed, and now drunk waste of a human being."

"No, Spring, don't start out the year this way," Alfred said, pulling her closer. "I'm real, none of that is the truth. I didn't realise that this would be too much for you to handle..."

"It's— It's just happened too much," Spring said through choked sobs. "I come so close to being with you in my dreams, and wake up, or finally get the satisfaction or being with you, and it's all a fucking hallucination. It's hard for me to believe that this is real."

"I'm here, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here tomorrow. I'll be here the next day. All the while still loving you. This is all real."

"I hope you're right. I don't wanna wake up tomorrow with you gone, like I have those times."

"You won't. I'll still be here. I think it's just best you get some sleep."

Alfred picked Spring up, carrying her bridle-style to her room, and setting her down on the bed. He began to make his way towards the door to her room, when she refused to let go of his hand.

"Sleep with me," Spring said. "Please. There's no point in you sleeping somewhere else."

Alfred smiled, and kicked off his shoes, joining her.

* * *

 **2,284 words.**

 **Feels good to be back, gotta admit. This was not what I had originally intended to come out now, but it was such a good idea to me that I couldn't help but write it. And I really enjoyed it, so much so that it was one of the lesser difficult stories to complete. Don't get me wrong, ever story is difficult to complete, difficult to make sure is correct, etc., but this one felt a lot easier due to how in-the-moment it was. Anyways, I'll see you guys in March with a new oneshot, and I _may_ be able to get a new part of Unparalleled out next month, but I don't know just yet. Either way, This one will receive a new update in March with my 100% guarantee, because I already have the release pretty much ready. It's written, edited, triple-checked, etc., but I wanna stick with a bi-monthly schedule instead of monthly, because I don't think I'd be able to hold myself to a monthly one that easily.  
**

 **Either way, see ya in March!**


	12. Third Wheel

Who'd've thought that he'd actually talk to me? It'd been eight months, and he'd been silent towards me, but now he'd invited me to hang out. I was both excited and dying on the inside. To my knowledge, he and Maggie were still together. I wondered if she was there with him, but I knew this may be my only chance to have a conversation with him for a while.

Of course, I agreed, and I was soon standing at his front door just waiting for him to answer. The door swung open to reveal his face. It lit up with happiness, and I internally smiled. To see someone so happy like him was reassuring, even for someone as depressed as me. I tried not to let that side of myself show.

"I'm so glad you came, Spring," he said with eagerness. "C'mon."

He took my hand, and led me inside. I spotted Maggie standing in the kitchen, looking a bit uninterested.

"I figured now would be a good time to introduce you two. I mean, me and Maggie have been together for what, some eight months? I figured it was about time you two got to know one another."

I was silent, and afraid. I had heard things about her being very judgemental. It'd mainly been eavesdropping on Fredrick and Bonnie, but no one said that wasn't a reputable source. I awkwardly held out my hand.

"I-I'm Spring," I stuttered.

She shook my hand. "Maggie," she replied. "No need to be nervous, I won't hurt you, unless you give me a reason to."

I silently gulped hard. I took my hand away a few seconds later, knowing that if I put my real feelings out there, she'd probably wring my neck. I had fallen in love with Alfred as a precursor to their relationship, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him. That's where I was trying to go that night at the party. I was trying to lead his feelings away from Maggie, and tell him that I loved him, but instead I just made him regretful.

That in itself, _I_ regretted.

"Spring, you okay?" I heard Alfred's voice ring. It snapped me out of my daydream.

"I-I'm fine," I lied.

"Your expression went blank, I thought you may have been having a panic attack."

"No, no, just got caught up in thought."

"I can see that."

"So, what'd you want us here for, Alfred?" Maggie asked. "I mean, you've invited two girls you're close with to your house. I can only _imagine_ what you want with that."

I held back laughter. I couldn't lie, I thought about that for a moment, but instantly knew he would never want that sort of thing to happen. He was dedicated and loyal. Not only that, I was his best friend, and I didn't think he'd ever want that with just a friend.

"I just figured we could hang out, and you two could get to know each other. I think my girlfriend and my best friend should know one another," Alfred stated.

His words stabbed my fragile heart. I didn't want to be friends. But I couldn't say that.

"Yeah, but what'd you think would happen? We'd sit on the couch and have 'girl-talk?'" Maggie asked sarcastically. "Because I'm not that type of person, and I don't think she is either."

"Neither of you are, I just figured you may try to find common interest," Alfred said. "I'm not saying you have to be the best of friends, but I still think it's rightful to think you can be acquainted with each other."

"I-I don't think that we could be very good friends. We're like opposites, you do realise?" I tried to explain.

"You barely know me, how can you assume that?" Maggie asked me.

"Uh, I, um…." I stammered. I didn't know how to respond.

"Oh, I get it," she replied with a chuckle. "You're so nervous, but why?"

"I-I dunno…. I-I'm always o-on edge…." I replied.

"See? We aren't much alike," Maggie said to Alfred. "I mean, not to be rude or anything, but she's so shy and afraid. I feel like you're indirectly torturing her by making her meet me."

Alfred sighed. "Then why don't we all just get lunch or something?"

"Don't you think she'd be a bit more uncomfortable with that?" Maggie asked.

"I-I don't want to sound p-pretentious, b-but, there's no need to treat me like a child…. I-I'd be fine for going to lunch. I haven't had the chance to eat in a couple days."

I cursed myself immediately for saying that. I could only think what they were going to reply. They looked at each other with concerned looks, and I knew they were going to worry about me. I dreaded their next response. It was Alfred that spoke.

"Do you need help, Spring? The only time I've known you to skip eating is when something is bothering you. That's the only time you lose your appetite," Alfred stated worriedly.

"No, no, I'm fine, I just— I dunno. It doesn't matter, let's just go," I said with urgency to change the subject.

They both gave me questioning looks, but soon shrugged it off. I lied to them, I knew, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them that, because if I did, there'd be another argument entirely. I wasn't here to burn other people's bridges.

We all just went out to a simple fast food restaurant for lunch. I didn't mind. The food was decent, for as little as I had of it. But, of course, they worried, and asked me if I was okay.

"Spring, even after not eating for a couple days, you're still eating so little. Are you sure you're okay?" Alfred asked.

"Alfred, she can make her own decisions," Maggie assured him.

"I know, but the only time I've known her to not eat is when she has her mind on something. Usually something she needs to get off of her chest," Alfred argued.

Maggie shrugged it off, and continued eating. I remained silent, I didn't want to tell him what was bothering me, because I knew I could very easily get into a lot of heat for it. I know I'm repeating that, but it's true. And I wanted to avoid that situation, because they seemed happy together. I didn't want them to cut ties because of me.

Alfred just gave me a look of worry, and continued to eat. I didn't want to eat because I wasn't hungry. My depression kept me full enough, and I didn't want to throw up. But, things started to change.

I noticed Maggie and Alfred started paying more lovey-dovey attention to one another. It wasn't anything major, they were just talking a bit more casually, as if this was just them, and not me. I didn't feel bad about it, because I'd rather be left out.

But, hearing them talk with sweetness to one another, and with care and love, it made me realise how much _I_ wanted something like that. I didn't dwell on it for too long, otherwise I would've started crying.

"You two wanna go to the park, now?" Alfred asked, obviously in bliss.

"Sure," I said, "I don't have anywhere else to be, so why not?"

"I'll go anywhere you wanna take me," Maggie replied lovingly.

We stood up, threw our trash away, and left. Alfred had his arm wrapped around Maggie, and he kissed her forehead before we got into the car. They both sat in the front, and I got in the back.

However, now, I was feeling like I was intruding on something. As if they'd had a date planned out, and I had just shown up. I guessed I would just split away at the park, go home, and leave them to it. They loved each other, and I just happened to be along for the ride. This isn't what I wanted at all. I just wanted to talk with Alfred, like we'd always done before. But, I understood we really couldn't do that.

We got there, and the two got out ahead of me. I was being slow so I could just fade out without them noticing, and then leave them to their alone time. They were a couple, and I was not part of that couple.

Once I finally got out, I found them waiting on me. They didn't ask me about it, and I was silently praising whatever god there may be. We entered the park, and I always made sure to trail behind a few feet from them. I felt like an intruder, as if they'd planned already to go out and Alfred just invited me because we hadn't talked.

They had their fingers interlocked, and they looked cute together. With the shade of the trees overhead, and the brick walls holding back the dirt that the trees were planted on – that were only about half a foot of the ground – made for the perfect scene. The leaves were beginning to fall, and admittedly, I was jealous.

I wouldn't let my jealousy overtake me. I was planning to leave, anyways. But I still silently wished for someone I could share a moment like that with. It may not ever happen, but I was still hopeful. Things may change for me. It was the first time I'd been hopeful in years.

But, things had looked up, because he hadn't forgotten that I'd existed. Yet he still didn't realise my feelings for him. I tried to slowly drift behind them, slow my pace enough so I could slip away and go home. It was nice of him to invite me, but this just wasn't where I belonged. They were still together, so it wasn't a good space for me to be in. Had it just been Alfred and I, I wouldn't actively be trying to escape the situation.

They sat down, and Maggie laid her head on Alfred's shoulder, their hands still interlocked. She shut her eyes, letting out a sigh of content. She was happy, and he looked happy. I was happy for them, even if I was jealous. But it made the escape more difficult, as they'd turned slightly so I was in view.

"Why you lagging behind so much, Spring?" Alfred asked me.

"I dunno," I sighed in reply. I decided to be honest. "I feel like I should give you two your space."

"Nah, we're together all the time," he assured me. "Don't be afraid to be a part of it all."

I watched as the smile on Maggie's face weakened a bit. She clearly didn't quite want that. That only assured me that I wasn't supposed to be here. They'd had a quick outing planned, and Alfred invited me just because we hadn't talked in so long. I slowly felt the anxiety begin to sink in.

That panic attack that Alfred asked me about earlier hadn't been happening then, but was starting to come to life. I tried to steady my breathing, but it wasn't really working. I could tell I was shaking, so I began to drift towards the wall to support myself so I didn't fall. My balance was failing me.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to go home. I couldn't tell if they were even looking at me, my mind had gone blank at this point. I wanted out, and I couldn't get out. No one would let me escape this, even if I found the way out.

I could tell my breathing was noticeably quick now, and I still had no air. I felt like I was suffocating. I felt like I was shaking violently, my arms held at my sides. My stomach was growling out for food, and I felt ready to throw up at the same time. How was anyone not noticing this? I was breaking down in front of a bunch of people, Maggie and Alfred included, and no one was helping me.

I was cold.

I eventually evened out my breathing, and noticed that I was on my knees, leaning up against the brick wall, at the end of the bench.

"Fuck," I whispered, trying to catch my breath. "That was the worst panic attack I've ever had..."

I didn't know who I was talking to, as no one but myself heard me, but it felt good to say it out loud. To show I conquered it, with how much I thought I was dying. I was afraid to stand, in case of it coming back, or Alfred or Maggie questioning me. I just hoped for the best, as I stood, using the brick wall that was now to my left to support me.

I turned myself slowly, just to be sure that my head didn't hit me with a sharp pain. I noticed Alfred was giving me a look of concern, and Maggie had sat up.

"I want to ask if you're okay, Spring, but I know you'd lie to me," Alfred stated.

"Look, I just— I don't wanna talk about it. It's a topic that I just don't want go into," I put simply.

"Do you even realise what it's doing to you, Spring?"

"Yes, I very well realise it. I just know if I say something about it, the problem can only worsen. I'll get all emotional, and step on someone else's territory, so it can only end poorly."

"I see."

I went silent, while Maggie stood. She embraced me, something I didn't really expect from her. It startled me at first, but I soon accepted it, and returned her hug.

"It gets better," she whispered to me. "It all gets better."

I didn't reply. I wanted to argue with her, but that'd get me into why I feel this way, which was what I wanted to avoid, especially with her.

"Th-thanks..." I said simply. I didn't want to go in-depth on how nothing ever worked out in my favour, or what the problem in question even was.

She took my hand, and pulled me aside, away from everyone else.

"Tell me what's on your mind. No matter who's territory you're on, I won't be upset. I won't judge you. You need help, and you need someone to talk to. We may not know each other _that_ well yet, but I hope you at least trust me enough to help me help you," she told me. "If you're Alfred's friend, you're my friend. I don't want to see something like that have to happen to you again."

"I–I don't know if I'm comfortable," I replied, hesitantly.

"No judgement will be passed," she assured me.

I sighed, and began, "Even since way before you started to date him, I've liked Alfred. I just never had the courage to tell him. So when he started to date you, and left me behind, I was crushed. To have the boy I liked so much gone completely, I couldn't comprehend it all. Now, we're out here, and he's right there, I could tell him... but I know you two are together. I'm the third-wheel-friend, and it's hard to accept. I thought today it was gonna be me and him, and I could finally just talk to him. There's been a lot of shit on my mind lately, and I wanted it all to come out today. But, then I realised today was a day for you two, and I was a last-minute addition."

"I— I don't know how to respond..." Maggie stated.

"It's all okay, though," I told her, "because at least he didn't totally forget I exist. At least I'm somewhere still up there, even if it is off in the corner where he often forgets me. At least I'll get the occasional call to maybe cure the worries in my mind."

"That's— that's not a good thing, Spring."

"It's better than nothing. I'd rather be an afterthought than never thought about at all."

"Spring— you shouldn't be content with that. It sounds like you two had such a meaningful friendship. Something that kept you sane, something that kept you from having those breakdowns like you just had. I— I never meant to intrude on that."

"It's fine... I understand that I can't be his everything, and, I don't think I'd be able to live with being that everything. I'd only hold him back, and he could find so much more joy in life without me. Saying it out loud, I suppose I'd rather he forget about me."

"Spring, don't say that. You're worth so much more than being forgotten, you're worth so much more than afterthought."

"If he were with me, he'd be silently wishing to leave. I don't deserve him. I just wanna go home, right now... I wanna leave you two to be together. I have no place, you two are perfect for one another."

"No no, you'd be so much better for him. I always feel like I take things too far with him, and I'm surprised he puts up with it."

"That only further proves you two are perfect for one another. Just listen to me, it's better if he didn't have to deal with me, anymore. You two could've spent today together, just the two of you, and you wouldn't have to deal with my nervousness and mental breakdowns."

"I'm glad I was exposed to this. He's told me about you, and I always thought you were just a weirdo who never wanted to talk to anyone, but now I understand."

"It's standard for anyone to think that. Don't feel bad for it. The only reason he wasn't exposed to that was because we were quick friends. Everyone else at one point or another has thought that. But, I just want to go home... I don't want have to deal with my feelings and thoughts, I don't want to face the person who's always in the middle of it, nor those close to him."

"Spring, you need to talk to him. You need to tell him how you feel."

"N–no, I can't— I don't... If I do, he'll want to drop everything just to help me, and I can't be that type of person. I can't be the one to pull you two apart just because I'm suffering inside, and wishing for him. I can't do that, when you're a better couple than me and him ever could've been. Why? Because you mutually love one another. For a time, he'd be there for me, but it'd soon change, just because of my nature."

"You doubt yourself so much..."

"It's because I know. I'd always feel love for him, and he would return the feeling for a time. But after dealing with me, he'd learn his mistake, and want out of the relationship. It's hard for me to come to terms with that, but I have to..."

"But, don't you think it would be worth at least a try?"

"I would never be able to make him happy, at least not as much as I can tell you do. It's better that you two stay together, and I just stay out of it. I love him, yes, but it'd be better if we just parted ways."

"I just— I can't wrap my head around the fact that you love him, but would never tell him that."

"I can live with it. I'll have to, because if I don't, I'll end up more heartbroken than if I just kept silent about it. And plus, you two are more perfect for each other than you think. I'm saying that again and again, because it's so damn true. There's a genuine relationship between you two, and the fact that I have feelings for him shouldn't stop you from being with him."

"It's just so heartbreaking to me to hear you say you love him, but not be confident to say he'd return the feeling."

"It's reality, unfortunately. I think it's time I go."

"Alright. But I'm going to have to share this with him, someday."

"Don't make it someday soon. Make it someday long after I've probably been forgotten about by him."

"No promises."

"Fine."

I walked off silently, upset that every word out of my mouth was true. I didn't want to accept the fact that he'd never return my feelings in quite the same way, but I knew it was necessary to do so. I'd be better off if I just accepted it.

I didn't have a bike, I didn't have a car, I walked all the way back to my apartment. It was always so lonely and quiet there, but that could be a good thing, sometimes. Especially in the case of today where I just needed a place I could break down.

Making my way to my bedroom in the back, and hooking my phone up to its charger, I laid on my side and began to cry silently. I wanted to tell myself to stop, that I'd cried way too much, but I knew I needed it. I thought about what I said, and began to second guess myself; was I truly right? Would Alfred never return my feelings in the way I loved him? Knowing him for as long as I had, I should've known that much. He had his heart set on someone else, and just wouldn't love me the same way.

True, he cared about me, but we were better off friends. I couldn't just leave it at care, when it came to a relationship. I knew that much about myself. But what type of person would I really be interested in? I hadn't ever thought about it, and to be fair, I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted to see who came along that I became interested in. I didn't want to think about what in particular I liked.

And even after coming to terms with everything, I still cried. I cried because I'd never be able to mutually love the person who'd always cared so much about me. It'd always be me, and then him trying to emulate the feeling of love. I couldn't deal with that.

I fell asleep at some point, and woke up late into the night. As if I didn't get enough sleep as it was.

I sighed, and stood. I stretched, and took my phone from its charger. Alfred had texted me, and I dreaded to think what he'd sent. Had Maggie told him what I'd told her in confidence? I began to regret confiding in her.

I unlocked my phone, and read the text.

"I'm sorry today turned out so poorly. Do you wanna talk about it?" it said.

I felt a weight being lifted from me. He didn't call out anything specific, and that made me feel a little bit better.

"It's fine, I'm okay now. I don't need to talk about it," I told him.

I wanted to talk about it with someone, but someone who didn't know me. Someone who didn't care that deeply about me, because I'd lose them otherwise. Well, at least in his case. Any mention of what was going on could ruin what we did have.

I sighed, knowing that I had to hide this feeling. I couldn't ever tell him about it, otherwise I'd more than likely lose even his friendship. I never wanted to lose that. I could never lose that.

He didn't reply, and I was glad for it. It wasn't something I'd normally be happy about, because I was upset for so long that he would just ignore me, but now I knew I preferred it. It kept the little peace of mind that I had there that I wasn't a priority. As someone who suffered from depression, that would seem counterintuitive, but it helped now that I'd come to terms with how things would have to be.

I wouldn't cry over him anymore, because he was with someone he loved, and wasn't trying to make me happy, instead. I wanted him to stay happy, and if I personally couldn't do that for him, I wouldn't try.


	13. Happy Birthday to Me

Spring was laid back on the couch, silently scrolling through her phone. Figuring out what she could do with all the music she had stored, the few photos, and the minimal amount of books and internet reading pages. It wasn't like she had contacts to clean out; she didn't have any friends.

It was growing increasingly late, as she waited silently for a specific text. Today was her birthday, and she was waiting for at least a text from her best friend, Alfred. She didn't expect some grandeur thing from him, he had a girlfriend he had to worry about. But as the hours droned on and on, it became more and more clear that she wasn't going to get that text.

At about eleven, she heard a knock at the door, quickly standing up from her position. She went silently to the door, opening it to whomever had decided to show up. It was Bonnie.

"Hey Spring, would've been here sooner, but I got the chance of a lifetime," he greeted her cheerily. His upbeat nature couldn't help put a small smile on Spring's face that quickly faded.

"Hey, Bonnie. Come on in," she said, trying to keep her composure. "And it's not like you're late for anything. You don't need to apologise."

"But I'm very late to wish you a happy birthday." Bonnie pulled out a small, long gift box from his pocket. He smiled at the girl in front of him, as she took it quietly.

She looked at him, and he continued to smile. "Well, go on, open it."

"Y-you didn't have to do this, y'know?"

"Sure I did. You're my friend, and I just wanted to show you just how much you mean to me," Bonnie argued, taking off his guitar from his back, and setting it carefully off to the side. "Also, be careful not to step on or kick this thing. I got the members of Green Day to sign it on the back, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to go to another one of their concerts should I have to buy a new one."

"G-got it."

Spring stared down at the gift box in her hands, and slowly started to tear the paper away. It fell to the floor, as she opened the box to reveal a nice, light necklace with a small, sky blue gem at the centre of it. She smiled, slowly putting it around her neck.

"I didn't know what colour you'd like, so I just got the first one that caught my eye."

"I-it's fine. I love it," she said, holding the gemstone carefully, admiring it.

"I'm glad. So, did Alfred text you or anything? I haven't talked to him in a bit, so I was wondering if anything had changed between you and him."

Spring shook her head, still touching the gem on her necklace in silence. She looked down at the floor, as she felt Bonnie's arms wrap around her. He started to sway back and forth, as she returned the hug. It was somewhat of a cherished moment when she got to hug him, because she finally felt something other than pain.

The swaying put Spring at some odd ease, as though this would just last forever. She knew it never could, no matter how much she just wanted to feel her body against another, it would always be temporary.

"Why... why haven't you left me, yet?" Spring wondered audibly.

"What?"

"Why haven't you left me yet? Everyone who I've ever been close to has left me, most times soon after I've truly gotten close to them. But, you're still here. You aren't allowing yourself to be pulled away by someone else you care more about, you haven't moved away, you haven't mysteriously died. What gives?"

"I haven't left you by my own will because I care about you, Spring. I want you to turn out okay. Remember when we met? How I was really interested in how someone like you was making it on their own? My view has changed entirely. I know you're not making it, I know you need me here. I'm not leaving because I don't want you to go away, in terms of your own life."

"What would it even matter if I took my own life? It's not like I've made a huge impact on your life, it's not like you don't have anyone else to be with, I'm just— I'm just sorta here. I'm here and trying to just get through everyday without breaking down to the point where I can't be fixed again. I had to grow up too fast, I can't let myself just hang in limbo for a day."

"I know how fast you had to grow up. You're nineteen, and you already are renting your own apartment. You missed out on so much, because no one gave you the chance to just stand still. I want you to have a friend that you had to miss out on having. I want you to be able to confide in someone because you never got that."

"You didn't answer my first question. Why would it matter?"

"Because I don't want you to go on without living your life. You're not gonna get to have that first kiss you want so badly if you take your own life. You're not gonna get to have sex for the first time if you take your own life. You'll miss so many things if you dragged a knife across your throat right now."

Bonnie's voice was starting to go. Not because he'd filled in for a band member of one of his favourite bands, but he was hurting inside. He knew he should've been at home caring for his own mental health, and should've just given Spring a late birthday gift, but she was more important to him. She deserved his time, even if he wasn't all there.

She remained silent, and just pressed her ear to his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"Your heart's beating out of time," she told him. "Is something wrong?"

Bonnie said nothing. He was too busy being caught up in his own thoughts to even really hear her.

"Bonnie," Spring called, "are you okay? Do you need to fess up about something?"

Nothing.

"Bonnie!"

He didn't reply with words. He crashed his lips onto hers, and she was left with wide eyes as he pulled away. She had no words, and was barely able to sputter out any sort of sound. To say the absolute least, she was surprised. That was the last thing she expected out of him.

"I'm not even sure if that was the right idea, but I know that I just needed to get that out."

Spring remained silent as she pressed her head back to his chest. She didn't know how to react, because no one had ever willingly kissed her before, so it was a brand new experience. She wasn't sure if she wanted it again, or wanted to hide her face in shame. Did she even love Bonnie? She couldn't say for sure.

She felt him begin to pull away, but she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him back into position. She wanted to speak, but couldn't think of the words to say. She didn't know what would be right.

"I— I liked it. Don't feel like I would hate you for something like that. You've made today just a bit happier than it normally would've been. I knew he wasn't going to text me, no matter how much I held out for it. Even if I had contacted him first, he wouldn't reply. He doesn't care about me, anymore. But you... you do."

"The problem with that is that me and Fredrick got back together. I can't be diving headfirst into a relationship with you, because I fought so hard to be back with him. I care about you Spring, and I don't want you to go a lonely day in your life, but I can't always be there to make sure of that, now."

"I understand that. I just— I don't want you to get like how he was. Because that— that's tearing me apart from the inside out. He doesn't care about me, and I know that, but I don't wanna know that. I don't wanna have my mind telling me that. If you went that way, too, I don't think I'd be coming back."

"I don't want you to go away. I'm never gonna stop being here for you, supporting you as best I can. I promise you... I promise..."

"It's so reassuring just to hear you say that." Spring was nearly moved to tears of joy, as she looked up at Bonnie. "You don't know how much it hurts, going through everyday, knowing you mean nothing to people who mean the world to you. I wish my life could be a book that he could read, that shows him just how much he means to me. He'd take up so much of each chapter, that I hope he could see the kind of person he used to be to me. It may sound obsessive, but I never forgot that day we kissed on accident. I'll never forget how instead of telling me it was okay after my blubbering apology, he just stood there blankly.

"I'll never forget the time that I tried to bring up the subject, and he shot me down like it was a joke."

"That fucking hurts so much, I can't imagine. To take such a serious thing as a joke, to just act like something like didn't happen— I totally get why you're this way. It's not just demoralising, it completely pins your self confidence to its lowest point."

"Unfortunately, yes. That kiss just— it made me feel like there _is_ someone who's actually willing to kiss me. Someone who actually can love me. It really helps, even if you can't stay by my side. It at least tells me that I'm not a fucking disgusting piece of shit that everyone doesn't want to die, but oddly won't be with if it meant their life."

"I would totally be with you, if the circumstance was allowing me. Hold me to those words, don't let me forget them, because I mean them. And I'll never stop meaning them. Hold me to every syllable, because you mean so much, even as a friend."

Spring was in tears of joy, their embrace still not having broken. She smiled for the first time in a while, and looked up at him. He smiled back, silently wiping a tear that was rolling down her cheek. She didn't have to say anything for him to know that she loved him just as much as he loved her. But he already lover Fredrick, and was now regretting bringing back that relationship.

He knew that their love was dying, but he wanted to fuel the fire for as long as possible. He didn't want it to be the dumpster fire it was when they broke up the first time; he wanted to lay it to rest quietly. Slowly let its light die out, as they both come to the conclusion that it isn't working. They broke apart on terms Bonnie wasn't happy with the first time, and he wanted to make amends.

Amends, amends, amends. That's all anyone would think he'd ever be trying to make. Apologies, sewn wounds, Bonnie never stopped trying to make things right. Spring could see this probably more than anyone. He didn't want to lose anyone. And she knew that she couldn't ever let go of him. He was someone she needed to keep around for as long as he'd let her. She knew that maybe she was a liability to him, but she'd hold his outstretched hand until his strength wasn't enough to hold her anymore.

He was the only one who gave two shits about her, anymore. It saddened her to know that was what constituted keeping him, just that he cared. But, even if there was someone else who cared, it wouldn't be care like his. She was thankful for his company, and for everything he'd allowed her to experience. When she felt him pull away at last to leave, she couldn't help but be saddened.

"Can't you stay awhile longer?"

"I wish I could, Spring. I wish I could. I love you, just know that."

"I love you, too, Bonnie. Don't forget that I do. Don't forget I exist, please."

"I never could. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Bon."

* * *

 **2,104 words**


	14. This Black Cloud Just Won't Go Away

**The original title of this work was "This Black Cloud Over My Head Just Won't Go Away," but it had to be shortened due to the character limit**.

* * *

It was no question that Spring was having difficulty sleeping. Waking up in the middle of the night in screams, possibly disturbing her nearby neighbours. But, it was also no question what the cause of it was. Her night terrors were of the day she died, dying old and alone, no one finding her rotten corpse in her home until the bank mortgaged it out to someone.

She didn't want that to be the case, but with every new dawn, it seemed to grow more apparent. She was surrounded by bunches of happy people, from her co-workers, to her friends. She'd gotten to know quite a few of Fredrick's friends better, such as Bonnie, Chica, Foxworth, Tony, and a few others. Though, she constantly thought about her best friend: Alfred.

It was no secret she loved him; in fact, practically everyone knew. But, no one ever acknowledged it, especially him. He never really spoke to her, now that she thought about it. She could respect that decision, however. He had a girlfriend that he loved, and Spring was a lesser part of his life, and she knew that. Though, she felt that self-awareness only made it sting more. He was the one person she wanted to care about her.

They'd known each other for five years. She didn't feel _entitled_ to his acknowledgement per say, but she felt she should make it a point to get herself recognised. However, she never wanted to intrude, and he was getting married soon. The last time they'd talked was two years ago on his nineteenth birthday.

"Two years ago," Spring whispered to herself. "Two fucking years, and not a word has passed between us. How can we even be called 'friends,' anymore? He's probably changed so much. I hear he's become more snarky, as of late. I don't know how true that is, but that's what Fredrick tells me."

She remembered a time when they'd go on for hours into the night, talking about each other's problems, and trying to provide solutions. And, just when she thought she'd built up the courage to ask him out, she realised he was interested in someone else. That shattered her confidence for a long time, and she hurt herself for being so stupid.

She burned her skin with ropes, cut it with a knife, and even went to far as to try and overdose herself. All that happened was that she threw up a little, and coughed up a bit of blood. She remembered how stupid she'd been about being so hard on herself, but she'd allowed herself to trust someone with every little detail about herself, and she felt it was the wrong person. She knew he wasn't terrible, as he hadn't known that Spring had held such an affection for him, but it should've been obvious. She was at the end of her ropes at that point in time and was more than ready to go through with killing herself. But, she never did.

She looked over at her phone on the nightstand. She'd make it her goal of tomorrow to call him, and maybe catch up a bit. After all, two years is a long time to go without talking to one another. But, she was afraid. Afraid of who he'd become, what he'd say, and whether she'd be heard or not. It wasn't a matter of calling him, it was a matter of whether he would listen and respond civilly. Hell, that didn't even come until he picked up.

She had tried the phone call on more than one occasion, just a year gone. He didn't pick up once, nor did he ever call or text back, he'd gone completely away from her. She missed him.

"Where are you now?" she whispered to herself. "What are you doing? When will I see you again? Will you ever come back?"

These questions floated throughout her mind, and never stopped manifesting themselves. She couldn't stop thinking about the "what-ifs" of the situation. She could barely handle her own thoughts, at this point. She wanted to pick up now and call him, but it was almost midnight, and he was probably asleep.

Her phone began to vibrate, and she picked it up. Why now? Why was he calling now? She picked up and heard him on the phone, sounding sickly, tired, and almost as if he were in tears.

"D-did I wake you?" he stuttered. He was careful around his words, knowing how easily he could shatter the girl on the other side of the phone.

"No. I never sleep, anymore. What's up?" she asked shyly and quietly.

"The marriage is off," Alfred said sulkily. "She played with my emotions, again."

Spring wanted to cry herself, hearing that her best friend had just come out of a second abusive relationship. It was hard to hear, but she had to bear it.

"I-I'm so sorry..." she whispered.

"I-it's not your fault," Alfred told her. "Can— Can I come over?"

Spring thought for a moment. She hadn't talked to him in years, and he wanted to make his way over for help. He'd come out of a second abusive relationship with the same girl as the first, which was beyond her imagining. She thought he'd learned his lesson the first time. "Feel free," she told him. She hung up, and wanted to slap herself.

This game would replay itself time and time again. He'd go out with her, get dumped, come for her for help, and repeat. Spring didn't know if she could continue handling the emotions she felt around him. Especially when he was so close to her grasp.

She felt like a cat pawing at a toy that she'd never quite grasp, and would forever dangle just out of reach. It destroyed any self-confidence she had when she found out he was with someone else.

It wasn't long before there was a knock at her door, and she slowly made it up to answer it. Upon opening, Alfred threw his arms around her, and she slowly hugged him back.

"I'm so sorry for what happened," Spring told him quietly.

"Again, it's not your fault," Alfred whispered back. "I should've known this shit would happen because it already happened once. I'm such a fucking idiot."

"You're not, Alfred. Sure, you didn't learn the first time, but that doesn't mean you're a complete idiot. You were blinded by the feelings you'd had previously, and just how much you wondered how things could've been different."

She slowly guided him to the sofa, where she sat him down and they began to talk a bit more in-depth, face-to-face.

"Now, elaborate on what happened in the beginning," Spring told him.

"Okay, well, I guess," Alfred said, trying to remember, "it started around six months after the first breakup. I was still in that half-recovery, half-over-it stage. I wasn't totally ready to let go, but I basically had. Makes me wonder if she knew where I was because I got a text. It was from her, apologising for dropping me off like that, and also saying she wanted to make it up to me."

"Were you suspicious of her?" Spring asked.

"Not particularly," Alfred replied, "but very slightly. What happened that night was, we went out to see a movie, and I thought we'd just leave it there, but after everything was over, and we were leaving, she stopped me and kissed me. The thought of the fact that she just kissed me under the moonlight sent memories of the nights we spent together before running through my head. I began to cry."

"Do you think she noticed this?"

"Of course she did. She pulled away, only to kiss me again. She knew full well what I was thinking about, and she was trying to get those memories to spark something again. In hindsight, I probably should've noticed how she was manipulating me, but to me then, it was as if she was just trying to amend things. I wanted it so badly to be real."

"And things just sort of went from there?"

"Yeah, basically. We had a couple more dates, and one night we managed to get really drunk, and ended up having sex once we were home. Regrettable, to say the absolute least."

"Well, it's over now. And now you know all she wants to do is fuck with your emotions, make you think that she loves you, but in truth, she just wants things from you."

"It's sad to me that it took me two tries to understand that. If she tries to pull this shit again, I'll see right through her lies," Alfred stated. "If she's smart, she'll fuck right off."

"Have you realised anything else since that time?" Spring asked. "I mean, it brought you to such an important realisation, surely you must've realised some other things, as well, correct?"

"Not really," Alfred replied, "I mean, I made amends with my brother, because I had been ignoring him for her, but I still need to make amends with so many other people. You, included. So, I'll say it right now: I'm sorry. I'm honestly so sorry that I wasn't there for you, I wasn't the friend that I needed to be, and I should've known what I was doing."

"Well, that's not really what I meant, but I still accept your apology," Spring said.

"What did you mean, then?" Alfred asked.

"I dunno, I mean like— have you noticed anyone else who would want to be with you, besides Maggie? I mean, she never really wanted to be with you, but you get what I mean, I imagine."

"Yeah. I haven't seen that, because I've just been trying to cope."

Spring sighed, wondering if she made her point obvious enough without blatantly stating it.

"Well, I'm here, whenever you realise it," she said, hunching over.

"Wait, what?" Alfred said with realisation. "Shit, I–I didn't know, I–I'm sorry…."

"No need to be. It's my fault and my fault alone, and I should've told you sooner, but I just didn't want to intrude on your life. I figured you were so happy, not having to listen to a depressed little shit rattle on for hours about how she lost her parents for the millionth goddamn time. Only difference being, you were dating her."

"Look, Spring, I'd never get tired of that. If it makes you feel better, I'll keep listening. You matter so much to me. Though I'm not quite ready to jump into a new relationship, but maybe we'll work something out."

"I think it's better if you just found who you wanted. Yeah, I'm interested in you, but I want you to go with who you want most. Don't just love me because I love you, that'd be unfulfilling for the both of us. You do show immense care for me, but for you to dedicate yourself to me because of that care, that'd just make you miserable in the long run. Then, with you feeling that way, I'd be caught in a situation where I'd have to give you your freedom, leaving me by myself once again."

"I understand your perspective, but I feel like— like we could still make everything work. In truth, I'd honestly much rather be with you than her. I just hadn't thought about it very deeply, having just wanted to impress her at the time. But since this whole situation has been brought to light, I think we'd work together."

"If you say so," Spring sighed. "I don't know how you'd even consider me with how attached I can get. You'll feel joined at the hip with me, and want to get away in no time. I guarantee this. It won't even be a year that we last."

"I know it's hard, but please be optimistic about it all," Alfred pleaded. "I need some positivity now more than ever. Even if things don't work out, I swear to you, I'll never leave you alone again."

"Fine. When everything calms down, we'll give it a try," Spring said at last. "I'll give it my all, but I have every right to say I told you so if things don't work out."

Alfred chuckled quietly before replying, "Alright."

* * *

 **2,061 words**

 **This one took quite a while to write, even if it isn't that long or that interesting. Hell, I don't even quite know if I'm happy with it. Either way, here it is!**


	15. You Are Loved

Spring sat on her bed, knife in hand. "It'll pass, the feeling will pass, everything will be okay," she told herself, holding the knife dangerously close to her wrist. She couldn't help the thoughts in her mind to harm herself, to show the scars physically that she felt in her mind. She felt unloved, abandoned. She held the knife closer to the exposed skin on her left arm.

"Don't you dare," she whispered to herself, as she shook. She dropped it to the floor, kicking it away, knowing it would do her no favours.

In truth, she just didn't want to be alone anymore. She'd always be wrestling with her own mind. "I cannot be loved," she stated aloud, tears filling her eyes. "Why do I deserve to be a human being, if I can do no more than be someone with a passing existence? I'm a mistake. No one wanted me to be alive, no one wanted me to sit here, and it'd be better off if I had never been born. Those who have cared about me quickly realise their mistake and have moved on. Likely forgotten my entire existence. And it's all for the better.

"But yet, here I still am. Holding on because the ex-boyfriend of my best friend's brother is there for me. He's all I have, but I just want to take him on his word."

There were two people fighting for control in her mind. One was Spring, and one was someone who could look on the bright side. She had no clue who was truly winning, but their verbal argument was coming out through just her lips.

"I feel bad every time I have to get his help. I'm a fucking awful friend because there are probably a million things that he does that are far more important than I'll ever be. I'm not worth saving.

"But yet, he comes to my side every time. I couldn't ask for any better. I wish I could tell him that I love him, and appreciate him for all he's done.

"He doesn't love me that way, and I can tell. He cares about me, but he would never love me. No one has ever loved me, and he won't be the first."

She stopped herself halfway, picking up her phone. She was going to talk to him about it, regardless of the fact that she felt two different ways about it. What had kept her from Alfred hearing the words she wanted him to be aware of. When she loved him when she wanted no one else but him in her life. When she needed him most.

She debated on calling him or texting him because she didn't know if she was ready to have a voice conversation. She was still shaking with anxiety, and she didn't know when it would let up. She sighed, deciding to call him anyways. And when the ringer was interrupted by his voice, she both felt a new wave of anxiety, and a slight light of relief come over her.

"Hey Spring, what's up?" he greeted cheerily, despite it being pitch-black outside, with the small glow of the sun slowly rising over the horizon.

"H-hey, did I wake you up?" she asked timidly.

"No, I've been awake this whole time. What's bothering you?"

She gave a heavy sigh, before replying, " I- I'm just gonna come out with it. No bullshit this time. I love you, Bonnie…. It may be sudden, maybe you saw it coming, but regardless of what the situation is, I love you. I know that you probably don't feel the same way, and that's okay. It's just been haunting me for so long, been such a weight I've had to carry on my chest. I just needed to say it out loud to you. Now, just give me what I'm expecting: you don't love me that way."

"I couldn't lie to you like that."

"What?"

"Even if your head hasn't been in the completely right place these past couple months, and even though you've been calling for help so often, I couldn't tell you that I don't feel the same way. I await those calls, that text because I love you. Whether you think so or not, you are loved."

Spring was silent for a moment, her heart still racing from hearing those words. Words she'd just wanted to hear from another human being for so long, and the meaning in them. She wasn't totally sure if he was talking only to her.

"Uh… you meant me, right? I heard you right? You love me?"

"Spring, of course, I meant you. Who else could I have meant? I'm at home, sitting in my room, alone in the dark, working on homework. Who in the hell could I be talking to?"

"I didn't know if Fredrick was in the room or something, that's all. I just wasn't sure if I heard you right."

"Of course you heard me right. This isn't some sort of dream, this isn't some sort of prank. I love you, Spring."

She still wasn't totally convinced, but yet her eyes were wet with tears of joy. Her heart was skipping in just the perfect way, to give her that giddy feeling she'd never truly experience before. She'd had a similar experience whenever she was around Alfred, but she'd never truly heard the words and felt so great.

She laid back, trying to comprehend what he had said to her. She wasn't sure why she didn't at least expect that response in some way. It was always possible. She supposed she just didn't want to get her hopes up.

"...Can you come over in the morning? Just so we can be us?" she asked him after around a minute of total silence.

"Sure thing. I've got the weekend, so why not?"

"Good, because I… I just want that physical reassurance that this is all real. I'm still not totally if this is real or all just a dream. I've had dreams like this before, but they end up as nightmares because I always wake back up into hell."

"I get what you mean. Deafening silence is understandably hellish. Anyways, I think you should at least try to get _some_ sleep, as you can see that dawn is on its way."

"I know. I just don't know if I'll be able to contain my joy."

"I was in that situation when Fredrick said he loved me the first time. I know how you feel. I know you're ecstatic, but that doesn't mean you should stop caring for yourself."

"I think I stopped doing that a long time ago."

"You're still here, aren't you? How else did you end up here if you hadn't? Don't answer that, go to bed."

"Heh, alright love you."

"Love you too, bye."

Spring set her phone back down on her nightstand and tried to lay down to fall asleep. She still wasn't sure that if she went to sleep she wouldn't wake up from a dream. She still wasn't sure if this would all still be real when she opened her eyes. If she slept, maybe she would wake up. And it would all be over.

For the next two hours, from four until dawn, her eyes did not waver. She felt every ticking second of those two hours, waiting silently to just be free. Her consciousness never even started to fade into the world held behind her eyelids. Blinking was the only time her eyes closed. Each blink growing somewhat heavier, but she kept pulling them back up.

She stared at the ceiling in the sunrise, unsure if it had been wise to stay up the night. She just didn't want to wake up yet, she wanted to hold on for as long as she'd be allowed. Hoping that if she stayed in the dream long enough, it'd be easier to wake up from when it came time.

It may have been childish, but she didn't want to risk losing him before the relationship had really gotten a start. He meant everything to her, and she wasn't about to let him go the second he told her what she'd always longed to hear.

It was eight in the morning by the time the doorbell rang, and she had not moved an inch in the time since. She didn't get up, she didn't start her day, but she also didn't sleep. The doorbell is what motivated her to get up because she knew that he was here. Finally here for her to lay in the arms of, finally here for her and no one else.

She didn't even hesitate as she sprung over the couch in the middle of the living room, acting as though she had the most restful night behind her. Acting as though she hadn't been too lazy to change her clothes from yesterday. The door flew open, as Spring was grinning ear-to-ear. She was so excited to finally have someone, so joyful. The pep in her step wasn't exactly overkill in her eyes because she was practically bouncing off the walls.

He put his arms around her, and she returned the embrace without hesitation. He could feel her almost bouncing on her feet, and her heart was racing. As they pulled away, she had the best grin on her face, and Bonnie couldn't help but return the smile. To see her so happy was such a rare sight, and he was glad he was the one to help her get to that smile. The infectious, ear-to-ear grin that she wore on her face.

"Have you eaten yet?" Bonnie asked.

"I didn't even sleep a wink," Spring returned honestly.

"Okay, stop right there, you're gonna go to sleep right now."

"Bonnie, I can't," Spring said in a playful, childish whine, "you're here. I can't go to sleep because I'm so excited to finally have you here, to finally have someone to love."

"I just want you to take better care of yourself, Spring. That's all."

"I know you worry about me, but I'll be fine. I've gone three days in a row without sleep before. It was hell on Earth, but I made it through nonetheless."

"But you never answered my question: have you eaten?"

"Not yet, nope."

"I figured, but I didn't bring anything. You wanna go out to get something real quick?"

"Do you even have to ask? Anything to get me out of the silence of the house, especially if I have you there to keep me from having a panic attack."

"Heh, well I'll be there. No need to worry about anything going awry."

"I mean, even _with_ you there, there's still a million different things that I think could go wrong, but you'll be there to assure me that everything is okay."

"Sometimes I don't understand you."

"I don't understand you in general, but let's just get going."

They sat in the restaurant, eating quietly. Breakfast dates weren't exactly the most common thing, but neither of them had eaten. It didn't particularly matter that it was an uncommon date and an almost unheard of for a first date, but that's just how they did things. All in ways people didn't normally do it.

Bonnie was very outspoken, and Spring was very reserved. Both polar opposites who had such feelings for one another. They had other things to worry about than what was considered "normal," to most people. They had their own definition of normal at this point because their lives and families (or lack thereof) weren't particularly what you would call stereotypical.

Spring loved him, and that's all that mattered to Bonnie. Bonnie loved her, and that was all tha mattered to Spring. That was all they needed for the time being. Just the mutual feeling of being able to appreciate, care and make one another happy. That's all they needed, now.

Bonnie didn't have to worry about an ex, Spring didn't have to worry about being alone.

It was all they needed to stay happy.

* * *

 **2,017 words.**

 **So, this was supposed to come out a week and a day ago. So apologies for that not happening. But, I'm back into the saddle, and the next thing to come out _should_ be Golden Ages chapter 2 OR The Heart chapter 2. Been working on those, and they're going really well. But, after this one, there will be only five more oneshots in this series. Then Golden Ages will finish, and we'll begin the end of this universe with Castle of Glass Volume 1. So, hope this has been a great time for everyone, but it's just about time for all of this to come to an end.**


	16. Forget This

Never again would she be betrayed, never again would she be left depressed, never again would she have to be a weight.

Of course, he was there to comfort her. Bonnie. His name was something that she heard, and realised that there was someone out there. Spring loved him dearly - as a friend, or maybe even more - but she knew he wouldn't feel quite the same. He'd take a bullet for her purely as a friend. She'd played the thought in her mind that maybe just for a split second that he may feel the same, but she knew it was bound to never happen. It'd end up like Alfred again; only difference was he'd leave because of disinterest, not because of someone else.

"Bonnie, please don't leave me," she whispered to herself. He was not there to hear her, nor did she wish he was. She knew he'd move on eventually, and she'd be alone once more. However, she cherished what she had in the way of his friendship. She never expected him to bend to her will, however, she could tell he was trying his best to keep her well. And she couldn't live if he was keeping himself down for her.

It felt oddly like all the times in middle school she'd just curled up and hid in the bathroom stalls in PE, crying and waiting the class out. She didn't want to face every day that came by, but instead wanted to hide away from everyone instead of facing what was bothering her. Those days when she would hide in the bathrooms, she'd retreat so far into her mind. She could she wasn't ready for the day she had to graduate high school, she wasn't ready to grow up. She could never be an adult.

Adults could keep their composure, and at least hide the fact that they were suffering. She couldn't hide it. The side of her that was always depressed, self-loathing, and pitiful. That was her only side. That was all of her personality. To mask over it would be nearly impossible.

Yet here she was, almost nineteen. She was already an adult in the eyes of the law, but a child in the eyes of her mind.

She sometimes had a hard time facing the fact that she'd be forgotten soon. But she figured that if she was forgotten, she wanted it to be as soon as possible so she didn't have to deal with the pain later on. She didn't want this awkward in-between phase. Any friends she'd gain would soon move on to forget her, and she didn't particularly want that. She wanted someone to be there when she was hurting, when she couldn't cope. But when there was no one, where would her cries for help go? Would anyone hear her? If they did, would they care enough to help? And if she got help, would they be there for her in the future?

In almost every scenario, she came out with a negative answer on at least one of those questions. It sickened her to know that there were so few people who actually cared about her. She knew it was impossible to have someone there all the time, but it shouldn't have been that hard to at least have the promise of occasion. To know that in almost every situation, calling for help would be pointless. No one would be there to reach out and pull her up.

She laid there in silence, wondering how the hell she even got to the point of her life where she could say she had anyone at all on her side. She never thought she'd see the day. It was a constant fight for her. Battling to have friends, battling to have happiness. An all out war that she was in no shape to fight anymore. It never got easier, because no one wanted to fight for her for once.

Just then there was a knock at the door. Spring took her time to answer, wondering where things would go moving forward. Would Bonnie just up and leave her one day, her life returning to how it'd been leading up to sophomore year? She didn't want that. She didn't want to be depressed anymore. She wanted to just be happy for a little bit more than the entirety of life itself.

She allowed the door to creak open slowly, not bothering to look up at the boy in front of her. He tried to greet her with cheeriness, but she didn't respond to him. She was but a shell of what was previously herself. She felt fully dead inside, wondering if she'd ever be happy. If she'd ever have someone permanently. Wondering if she'd ever get the chance to have those relationship experiences her body ached for, wondering if she'd ever matter to anyone.

"Spring?" called a somewhat muffled and faded voice. She didn't even know what was real anymore. Her vision blurred, and she felt herself falling. Falling, falling, and falling some more. With no end. Just void.

"Spring?!" the voice called again, but she didn't answer. She didn't want to. She didn't want to face the voice, she didn't want to face the world, she didn't want to open up about anything. She wanted to just be inwards, be inside her own mind where no one could bother her. No one could save or comfort her, but she wouldn't have to deal with the pain on the outside. She wished it were easier to paint a fake smile to her face.

She couldn't believe what she was becoming, but her mind wouldn't stop going farther through the dark tunnel it was in. Everything from the point of opening the door was now a blur, but it didn't matter to her. She wanted to be alone, she wanted to be forgotten so that her mental state wouldn't be the remembered artefact of her personality. She didn't want to go down as a depressed little shit no one wanted to be around, so it was better she was forgotten completely.

She slowly awoke from her trance, and was laying on the couch with Bonnie at her feet, and Fredrick in a chair to her left.

"Spring, please answer us…." Bonnie called worriedly. "Where is your mind right now? What are you thinking? Just tell us, we can help you."

"I'm not convinced anyone can help me," she finally answered. "In fact, I figured by now you would've given up on me like _he_ did."

"He didn't give up on you, Spring. If he were here right now, he'd be apologising for leaving you on your own, and be telling you how much he loves you. Don't doubt yourself so much, Spring," Fredrick tried to assure her.

"I doubt myself for a good reason. No one will want to remember me when my time comes, and honestly I think that it's better off that way, no matter how depressing I sound. No one wants to be around me, can't you see? It's because I can't be anything but a depressed little shit all the time."

"Spring, do you not see us right now?" Bonnie asked her. "We want to be here, otherwise we wouldn't be."

"I always feel cold, empty, _worthless_. I feel pain no matter what situation I'm in. With you here trying to help me heal, I'm in pain knowing that I'm putting you through this shitstorm when I could just shut my mouth and everyone would be better off. I feel pain because the person I love doesn't want to be around me, and that's obvious by the way he acts. I know he doesn't view me in the kindest light when I'm not around."

"How could that be?" Fredrick asked. "I'm his brother, and I hear almost everything he says. He never once has mentioned anything bad about you, he just sings your praises. It's obvious he loves you. There's nothing that seems to bother him all that much about you."

"If nothing bothered him, then I wouldn't be in this situation. You two wouldn't have to be here to comfort me, because there would be no need for it. He'd be there for me, and he'd show me the care that I long for. Even if he never straight up tells me he loves me, I'd still feel loved if he were to just be here to show me that much. Not just stark and static silence. I don't care if he doesn't _love_ me, I just don't want to be at this standstill with him anymore."

Bonnie sighed. He didn't know how to approach the situation at this point. She wasn't listening to even what the both of them were saying, and he was growing the slightest bit frustrated.

She remained silent, she didn't continue to fight them. Tears rolled down her face as she wished to be in any situation other than this, because she was broken on the inside. He had to watch her cry, and he had to remember that there was no way whatever else he'd seen could compare to the pain he felt to see her upset.

He knew she could be happy, and when she was she was lovely. It was hard for him to accept the fact that she had the tiniest bit of a point hidden in her words. He felt angry personally at Alfred for neglecting her, she deserved so much more.

And Fredrick remained quiet, not attempting to intervene between it all. He wanted to text Alfred, tell him to get his ass to Spring's house to help the poor girl out. But he knew his aggression would likely be misplaced, given how torn up he'd always been when Maggie wasn't around.

He remembered when the poor boy had come to him, trying to confide in him about the problem he was having, but there was nothing that could be done that Alfred had been comfortable with. It was obvious where his heart was placed, but Fredrick knew his brother didn't have the strength to break free and chase where it was. Especially with the unknowns.

"Spring, come with me into the back. I have something to tell you that needs to stay between us," Fredrick told her.

"You can say it to both of us," Bonnie pressed.

"It's about something that Alfred told me, and I told him I'd keep it between me and him. I'm already breaking my promise enough by telling Spring, and knowing you it'd get out. I just want to tell Spring, because I know it'll make her feel better."

Bonnie sighed. "Fair point, I suppose. Alright then."

Spring got up and followed Fredrick into the back. Halfway through, she started leading the way to her room, and shut the door behind them as they entered. Fredrick sat on the bed away from the door.

"Come sit down."

Spring did as she was told, and sat next to Fredrick, waiting silently for what he said next.

"About a week ago, Alfred told me something that really told me where his heart is, and I know he's not going to build up his own courage, so I've decided to just start this for him," Fredrick said quietly. "He told me essentially that he felt smothered in his relationship with Maggie, and is afraid to end it. But he said that if he ever did end up ending the whole thing, he would do it for you."

"I- I'm not sure wh-what to say about that…. I just… I never imagined he cared about me like that."

"You matter to him more than you could ever imagine. He never wanted to hurt you, to leave you here by yourself, but he's felt so pressured to just stay where he is. Just know that he doesn't want to be where he is, and he'd rather be here right now."

"Th-that's nice to know. I feel a bit better now… thanks."

Spring leaned on Fredrick's arm, remaining silent. She didn't know for sure if she was quite ready to believe him yet, but she didn't have any other option to hold onto. She didn't know if there was any other way for her to feel right.

She eventually ended up laying her head in his lap, and almost fell asleep there.

"Spring?" he said.

"Yeah?" she replied breathily.

"You okay there?"

"Yeah."

"Good to hear."

* * *

 **2,082 words.  
**


	17. Rolling Downhill

Bonnie was silent, holding Spring closely and gently. He didn't know any other way to keep her calm and mindful. She'd been seemingly so distant the whole time he'd been there, and he feared the worst for his friend. She was quiet, with her arms wrapped around his hips. Her eyes were shut, and she was trying to enjoy herself and show no emotion.

 _I don't know why I think she'd go that far_ , Bonnie tried to assure himself. _She wouldn't truly, right?_

It was hard to imagine that world for him. Spring had held on for so long, and for her to give up now would be something Bonnie would forever refuse to believe.

"Bonnie," Spring said softly.

"Spring," Bonnie echoed.

"I love you," she whispered. "You're always there for me, and I can't help but love you…."

"Spring, I understand where you're coming from, but we can't be together. That's just because of the nature of both of our lives. I mean, me and Fredrick are trying to work things out, but I'm not sure it'll all work out—"

"Then why not come to be with someone who you _can_ work things out with? I love you Bonnie, I care about you just as much as you care about me. I don't want to see you unhappy, I don't want to see you losing out just because of something you can't control. Just in the same way that I have my whole life. No one else should be suffering that."

"Life just doesn't work that way, I'm afraid. Me and Fredrick both care about one another dearly, but he thinks I haven't been focused on the relationship. He thinks that every time I come to see you, something more is going on. Sure, you and I are great friends now, yeah. But if things went south and I was just here with you, I think there would be more problems. I can handle myself, but thanks for the offer."

"That just what I imagined _he_ would've said to me. I don't know why I expected anything different."

"Spring, you have to realise that even if we did make 'us' a thing, there's no way you know what you're getting into with me. We're great friends, yes, but that's because I've been this shoulder to lean on for you, trying to help you out as much as I can, and you're not going to heal from being closer to me."

"I can't heal from everything. There's so much to heal from, I can't do it, anymore. I've been trying for so long to get better. I've been trying for fucking _years_. And along the way, I've lost two of the best people I've ever known. I don't want you to be a third, or any other number. They knew after trying that I was just helpless, and they abandoned me. I know that I'm a lost cause. I've just given up trying to be happy."

"Spring, I want to be there for you, but I can't be there for you in that way. I'm just trying to get that across. There are so many better people out there, as well, and of all the people out there you've come to me.

"You know it wasn't always just you. It was Alfred first. He would always be there for me, in the same way you've been. And I lost him because I couldn't grow a spine and tell him what my thoughts were. I thought that maybe if I stopped worrying about people saying no, and just came up and out with it, then maybe something would change. But now I know I'm destined to lose you, as well. I can't catch a fucking break."

Bonnie did not reply. There wasn't much he could do this point, because though he may have loved her in his heart, he just couldn't ignore his feelings for Fredrick. It was just too much for him to bear, and he hoped he didn't assist in what would be Spring's final breath.

"You sound just like what I imagined he'd always say to me. In my nightmares, he always told me he didn't feel the same way, and then made up unrelated excuses. Why did I expect any different?" Spring asked.

Bonnie didn't know what to say. He was left without words as she tried to scrape at a fragile heartstring. He felt her shift under him, and lay back.

"You can go," she told him. "I know you don't want to be here, anyways. So why stay?"

"I'm staying because I do want to be here. If I didn't, I wouldn't've said anything to you to begin with. Just because I don't love you doesn't mean I'm fine with you being here on your own with your suicidal thoughts. You just need a proper therapist, you can't be relying on me all the time."

"You don't think I tried going to a therapist? You don't think I tried all the ten thousand other bullshit ways to try and get rid of anxiety and depression? You don't think I've been on the suicide hotline multiple times? You clearly are pretty damn dense, then."

"Spring, I know you're upset, but there's no reason to insult me, I'm trying-"

""I'm trying to help you out," yeah, alright. I get that, but I don't think you truly understand where my mind is. I'm not normal. I never have been. Normal things can't help me, no matter how much I try to invest into it. Time, money, whatever, it never fucking helps, and I don't know why you think I haven't tried everything under the sun."

"The reason I don't think you have is because I was in almost the exact situation you were in with Fredrick. I loved him so much, but I never could bring myself to tell him what I was thinking. And as he started hanging out with girls outside of our friend circle, I started fearing I'd eventually lose him to someone else. I had so much anxiety to my name, and I felt like shit all the time because I didn't know why I didn't just tell him how I felt. But through therapy I was able to just suppress those feelings, and put them out of my mind. You just have to be open to it."

"This isn't just something that therapy can fucking fix magically for me. I'm physically alone ninety percent of the time, and I can't deal with it when I am on my own. I had to grow up in less than a year because I didn't have anyone to teach me how to be an adult, and I'm just so afraid that something's gonna go wrong and I'm just gonna crash and no one will help me—"

Spring cut herself off before breaking down into tears on the floor. She wasn't ready for whatever consequences came with everything she'd ever said or done, everything that was following her and clouding her mind. The consequences for all the times she'd gotten upset with someone for selfish reasons, for all the times that she said the wrong thing.

"Spring, it's all going to be okay," Bonnie told her, sitting on the couch and pulling her up. "You're going to come out on top, trust me. No matter how bad you think things are now, that only means you can go up."

"I-I don't kn-know ab-bout th-that," she managed through stuttered sobs.

"I know something that will help both of our lives out, though."

"Wh-what?"

"I'm bringing Fredrick over with me next time. It'll help prove to you that there's gonna be someone to call, and it'll prove to him that there's nothing going on out of the ordinary here. It'll help my relationship with him, and it'll hopefully help your mental state. And hey, if need be, I can probably try to convince him to let you come crash at his place. Because I know that you need someone to be around, so how about you come be around a bunch of people?"

"Th-that s-sounds okay…." Spring said, starting to calm down. "Th-the only thing I'm a-afraid of is intruding on b-both you guys and _him_."

"It's alright. I'm trying to get you to where you have someone around to help you out with something if your mind isn't in the right place, that's all. I'm sure it will work out better than you think it will. But, that won't be 'till the next time I'm over, alright?"

"Okay. Th-thank you so m-much."

"Of course. Everything will be alright.'

"I hope you're r-right…."

"Just trust me, Spring. Just trust me."

* * *

 **1,451 words.**

 **Bit of a shorter one, I know. I just feel like it was a good ending place for it all. Sort of something that will lead into the next one, so there's that. See you in a bit.**


	18. I'm Not Ready

He couldn't keep this up. His mind was absolutely drowning in the thoughts that he knew he'd done wrong. Not just by her, but by himself. He forced this upon himself to make her happy, and now things were not going to be okay. He didn't love her in just the way she loved him, or the way he thought he loved her when this all started. He kept up a facade to keep her happy.

He wanted to scream out, cry for help because he didn't know what to do. He stared out the window longingly, as she slept soundly behind him. She was so happy right now, something he knew she hadn't had for a long time, but he was going insane. It's not that she kept something from him he wanted, he just knew things weren't working out. He just didn't know how to approach it so she wouldn't be so heartbroken.

In this longing for someone else, he couldn't help but glance at his phone. He tempted the idea of calling for someone to help him, for someone to take him away from this relationship. For someone, he knew he wanted to come to pull him out of the ditch he'd dug himself.

He looked back at her, sleeping soundly with her back turned to him. She looked so peaceful, and he remembered the kind of sleep she got before. Tossing and turning, groaning and whining in her sleep for hours on end. With each whimper, he'd have to pull her closer and closer, to make sure she didn't fall off the bed and wake up. She needed the sleep.

Sometimes she'd even wake up screaming and crying, but that too had grown rare. Her mental health was obviously improving, and it was all because he 'loved,' her.

He told her that so she wouldn't be upset. He told her that so she could finally start to heal. He told her that because he knew no one else would.

But of course, it felt more like she was draining him. Instead of healing for herself, she was slowly draining his energy to be the cast for her heart. His own mental state was deteriorating and he didn't know what to do. He knew for damn certain that it was because he was in a relationship he didn't want, but he couldn't bring himself to get out of it, because he feared where her head would go.

What would she do when he left? Would that just be the end of her road, the last chapter in a story left unwritten? They were only nineteen, it wasn't like they were in their final years of life. But maybe she felt that after a certain point, her relationship status would be an endless inevitable cycle. Maybe if he held out a little bit longer and gave her that second year, she'd finally be okay. He at least hoped for that much.

Spring was the type of girl he once saw himself with. She was kind, and mutually caring towards him. However, things changed quickly. He wanted someone a little bit colder, one who would give him a rougher relationship, but one who he could still love at the end of the day.

Maybe he could set Spring up with someone. He just wasn't sure if he should even try, though. She had said so many times that he was the only one that she loved. Those few words completely reverse engineered his thoughts. Surely, there was someone else out there she could be with, right? Someone else who could be the person in her life that he was, right? When she spoke like that, he couldn't bring himself to say the words that his heart ached to speak.

In his mind, he knew that things would be hard on her if she so much as knew about his _thoughts_ on this sort of thing. That's why he was glad that his mind was for his eyes only. She would be beyond devastated.

He took a moment to think it over once more before he shook her awake. She sat up with a groan and looked at him with her violet eyes. She smiled at him, but his face remained stony and stoic. He eyed her carefully, knowing this would be the last time he'd see that smile. His heart twinged at the thought of that, but he pushed through his need to cry as he spoke.

"Spring, I- I think it's time I was honest with you," he told her quietly.

Her smile faded, as she placed a hand to his cheek. He couldn't look at her.

"I- I've had a lot on my mind lately, namely the fact that… I'm not sure I love you anymore. Back when this all started, I- I wanted so _badly_ to know that I wasn't doomed to be left alone after Maggie, and I knew that you longed for the touch of someone who you loved that I- I was too quick. I told you yes without a second thought, and now that my mind has actually somewhat healed, I realise that I'm gonna cause nothing but pain. I don't want you to go away Spring, but I know that you'll be gone the moment I walk out that door."

Spring's eyes had filled with tears and they began to overflow as they spilled over and ran down her cheek. She looked at him in a blinded hope that he was just messing with her.

Yeah, this is all some silly dream, right? He didn't really feel this way, did he? This couldn't be real, could it?

She searched for words, sucking in a breath, but found none as she began to sob. She felt silenced by herself. It took her a few moments to collect her thoughts and calm herself from the shock, but still stammered through the words that followed:

"I- I knew this w-was g-going to ha-happen."

Her heavy sobs couldn't help but make Alfred feel like he'd made the wrong decision. He didn't want to break Spring like this, because he knew when you broke something that was already in pieces, it became dust. Nothing more than a distant memory of what it used to be.

He tried to pull her into an embrace, but she pushed away continuing to sob. He looked down at his own hands as though he'd just murdered someone, and the blood still clung to his red-stained hands. But there was no red stain. There was no blood. At least, not yet. There would be blood, he'd be a murderer. But he'd never have the blood on his hands, and it'd never be because he wanted someone to die.

That was the last thing he wanted, though it was inevitable. But now he felt selfish. He had the choice of what died: her or his own sanity.

He mentally beat himself up, watching this girl that he cared so much about sob quietly. Her nightmares would soon return, her restless sleeping habits wouldn't take very long to bring themselves back, and it wouldn't be much longer after their return that she wouldn't be around anymore. She wouldn't be able to sit with him at lunch anymore. The table in the corner would be all the more empty and silent.

He'd hate every second after she committed to the choice. His life wouldn't be the same, and he didn't want things to change right now. He wanted to tell her he was just kidding, or that he didn't mean it, and he wasn't thinking straight. But he knew it was too late for that.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"I- I know…. Y-you say th-that ev-very t-time. Y-you don't n-need to re-repeat yours-self an-nymore…. I kn-know you d-don't mean it…"

"I mean it more than anything. I'm sorry it has to be this way, I don't want to do this to you. But I backed myself into a corner. I didn't know how to tell you, because every time you look at me with those eyes I- I just can't do it. I can't bring myself to tell you I don't love you the way I thought I used to, because I know you're happy. I don't want you to be depressed. I don't want you to feel sad and all alone. I just can't be with you…."

Spring was still silent, not acknowledging his words. She didn't want to, because at this point she didn't care. She had heard the words that she knew she'd hear at some point. "I don't love you, I don't love you, I don't love you," his voice rang in her head, pounding against her skull. It didn't just hurt, it was burning her up.

She felt his hand on her shoulder, and she didn't fight it. She just wanted to be alone, to cry and to sob without anyone there. But she wasn't willing to fight someone trying to comfort her in the best way they could. She didn't have the mental strength to fight them. It took her a good forty-five minutes to finally calm down and look up at him.

"Why… why are you still here?" she asked him quietly. "You don't love me, so why do you still linger here? You're gonna haunt my thoughts until the day I die, why haven't you just left?"

"Because I know if I leave so soon, I'm going to lose you. I'm hoping that by staying a while longer, I can keep you alive."

"You don't love me, so why do you even care if I'm dead or alive? It doesn't matter. I'm nothing to you."

"If you were nothing to me, why the hell would I have even bothered to try and fuel this relationship in the first place? If you truly meant nothing to me, I wouldn't be sitting here in the dark trying to console you. I care about you more than anything, I just don't see the rest of my life being with you in terms of a relationship. You're great, you're so much fun to be around, but I just don't think we're quite right for one another."

Spring was silent, her mind turning over his words very carefully, processing every syllable. He didn't try to get her attention or pull her out of thought, he just sat still as her mind continued to analyse everything. She looked at him before standing and wandering out of the room.

Alfred sighed, knowing that he likely hurt her even more, but he had to say something. He couldn't imagine how she was feeling, but he did know that what he said may not have been the best solution to the problem. But what else could he have done? Should he have just left her sobbing in the darkness, probably not to fall back asleep until the crack of dawn when it wouldn't matter? Should he have just left her to die?

He didn't want her gone, because even if their relationship didn't work out, their friendship still mattered to him. This was what he'd been afraid of from the moment he hesitated saying yes. He didn't know how she would take it if things didn't work out, and didn't want to find out if she ended up going away permanently. He wanted her friendship, he wanted to be able to talk to her every day. He wanted to help her when she was feeling like shit, but he just wanted to be friends.

A relationship had not been the best solution, and he wished he could've known that before saying yes. So that he could've prevented all the heartbreak, and prevented this major fuck-up. But now she was mad at him and overall depressed.

He didn't know what he was doing anymore, and he didn't know if it was worth trying to just console her, or if he should just leave. He didn't know any better option.

He sighed and fell back on the bed. This was her apartment. He was sleeping in her room. He'd have to leave eventually. And he didn't know when she'd make him leave.

He didn't fall asleep again. He stayed awake until it got too late to try and sleep, as the sun peeked over the horizon. A whole night with his thoughts.

He got up and wandered into the main room, where he found her fully awake on the couch, laying as if she were trying to go to sleep.

"I think I'm just gonna go. If you-"

"If I have bad thoughts, call you. I know. You said that when you and Maggie started dating, and look how that turned out. So many voicemails I'm sure you never went back to listen to."

He knew it was just the bitterness of the breakup talking, but it really stung his heart. He knew he hadn't listened to them. He wasn't sure if he wanted to, either.

As he opened the door to the low sun over the hill, he sighed. He hoped she'd be okay.

* * *

 **2,190 words.**


	19. The Calling

Silence was a tool used to lacerate her skin. Tear her open and reach inside to suck out her soul more easily. Spring felt every minute of it, anaesthesia wasn't there to lull her into a sedated state. She always felt like she was slowly bleeding out, like every second she remained silent about the war inside of her mind the crimson ran further and further down her body, staining the sheets she laid on. It was a common feeling at this point.

Nightmares tainted her very fleeting unconscious moments, her own mind betraying her conscious wants and needs, showing her images of what she feared most. Death itself wasn't the fear, it was the lack of anyone caring of her death. She feared as well she was overbearing to those friends she did have, whenever she spoke she wanted to stop herself to keep from burdening those around her. If they cared, they'd ask, and she shouldn't have tried to say anything otherwise.

The one she had loved left her long ago before she could tell him how she felt. She felt that the moment he'd be taken away from her for good was upon her, as his girlfriend seemed to make him happy. She'd catch them in public occasionally while they were hanging out or on a date. Once she'd gotten invited along to hang out with them, but by the time it was over she was very aware of her place. Maggie cared about her just as much as he once had, Bonnie and Fredrick came around more often to check up on her, but it was never enough. She still felt utterly alone in the world.

Maybe it was the loss of her parents almost five years ago by this point that was going to her head at last. She was finally realizing all the things that she should've felt then as it hit her. The one friend she had latched onto for that feeling of love and care was gone, his representation of all that she needed to be taken with him. She wished he had chosen her over Maggie, but at the same time, they were a better couple now than she could've ever been with him. She and Alfred weren't compatible, and over a year later she was still having trouble accepting it.

One night, she was half asleep on the couch, her hand was dangling from the couch she laid on, the TV remote loosely in her hand as her eyes fell shut. She was jarringly awoken by a knock on the door, something she hadn't heard in well over two weeks. She didn't know who it was coming to check up on her, but she would just give them the same spiel that she did every time.

As she opened it, her eyes widened to find someone she had not talked to since the time she'd been the third wheel. She was surprised to see Maggie standing alone at the doorstep.

"Can- Can I come in? Are we good enough friends for that?" she asked quietly.

Spring nodded and admitted her in, where she slowly removed her shoes before doing so much as sitting on the seats. She felt like an animal every time she didn't.

"Sorry for being short notice and just sorta showing up at your doorstep, but I wanted to see how you were doing. I know that you've still been thinking about him, and I just wanted to see if you'd improved."

Spring shook her head honestly. "I wouldn't say I've improved, but I also wouldn't say that I've declined. I've sorta stayed stagnant. I do have those friends who drop by to occasionally check on me, but most of the time they can't stay very long, so I've defaulted to just telling them I'm okay. Which, isn't totally a lie I suppose. I've been doing okay for my standards. I haven't had any episodes lately, I've been fine going to work properly instead of having to stay away because I fear a breakdown, I've been able to actually function. I'm not happy, but I can function."

"I guess that's kinda good to hear? I dunno, I just figure that you shouldn't go through life just getting by, I feel like life should be something lived and experienced, but that's just me. Speaking of an experience, I suppose I wanted to deliver- good news of sorts? It's good for you, but maybe not so much for me, uh- I guess I'll just put it bluntly. We broke up. Simple as that."

"Oh no, that's awful to hear. I thought you guys worked so much better than I ever would've with him. I hate to hear that you guys had to do that."

"Honestly, I think it was for the better. We were sorta- sorta stagnating, I suppose, is the best way to put it. I don't think it would've worked out much longer if it hadn't been tonight. I could tell he just didn't know what he wanted anymore, and that things weren't working out. But hey, at least you two can get together finally. Right?"

"That's- That's not a good thing. That's not how I wanted things to go at all. In fact, I don't think that it's even worth being upset over not being in a relationship with him anymore, because I always saw the two of you and knew that he was probably more happy with you than he ever would've been with me. I'd rather it be that way as well because I don't think we'd work out for very long, and-"

"You doubt yourself too much. The way he talked about you whenever he brought you up, it told me that there was some sort of feelings there he seemed to be denying. I couldn't tell you exactly how he felt, but you obviously were a big part of him at some point, and you made him happy."

"I imagine that maybe I did, but I don't think that would've lasted very long if he were constantly around me. He'd get tired of dealing with the same old problems, my clinginess, my possessiveness, and I just don't think that things would've gone well. If we had started up, I would've done everything to keep it from falling back down, and for that, I feel obsessive."

"Spring, there are so many things about you that counteract the negatives. You're sweet and innocent, you're cute, and you are probably one of the greatest people I've ever met when you can bear the burden to smile. I know maybe that sounds a bit weird coming from me in particular, but I think it's honestly true."

"But do you really think all of that can tuck away the neediness and every problem that I have?"

"It can't tuck it away, but it could make it bearable enough in a relationship that it could be worked on. I think someone who can still love you through all your flaws and try to help you get better is the perfect kind of person, which sorta brings me back to why I broke up with him in the first place. It kinda did feel like he just pretended my flaws weren't there. I constantly bitched to him about everything and let my temper get in the way of some nice moments, and he just let it happen without a word. I want someone who will give me a reaction when I'm angry and upset to calm me down, and he just sat there with a stoic expression and nonchalant tone."

"I mean, expressing himself in the wrong way could've made you angrier, or at least he might've feared that."

"He just had to tell me if it was making him uncomfortable, and tried to calm me down. I need someone to do that for me anyway, so for him to not react period just fueled me more than any other reaction could've. I wanted him to show me that someone could be there to calm my anger, and he did none of that."

"I mean, I wouldn't think of that as a reason to break up…."

"It was one of the things he did that brought me to my decision, Spring. And, I think I'm done talking about it. Odd question, but can I just stay the night? I don't wanna go home yet."

"Sure thing."

Maggie's mind kept running as they each went silent. She couldn't help but feel something rising in her chest, and she felt awkward as she shifted on the couch. She leaned on Spring's shoulder, her fatigue getting the better of her. She curled her legs up onto the couch, crossing her arms around her midsection. Spring blushed, trying to remain calm in the situation. It was weird to her that Maggie was leaning there, head on her shoulder. She was afraid to move because of it.

The white-haired girl shifted around in an attempt to get comfortable, and Spring felt even more uncertain of what to do in this situation.

"Uh, Maggie?" Spring said at last.

"Yeah," Maggie replied half-asleep.

"This feels weird."

"You'll get used to it. I'm sleepy, sorry."

"It's okay, but I just- I don't know how to respond to this."

"Don't feel obligated to. Just act like it isn't going on, don't make it weird."

That didn't help how weird it felt to Spring. It was the first time anyone had laid their head on her shoulder, and it was a girl. She'd never considered herself too partial to either gender, but the heat in her cheeks refused to go away. She moved her arm to be over behind Maggie, and it felt a little more natural. It wasn't a perfect solution, but it was the one she had. She let herself fall back against the couch, feeling slightly more at ease with the situation as it continued.

But Maggie hadn't satisfied that feeling the arose in her. It continued to push her to something, but she couldn't quite tell what. Her body seemed to resist its own urges, and she had no clue how to allow it to move as it wanted to. She didn't know what she wanted, but the feeling there reminded her of some of the special moments she'd had with Alfred.

What immediately came to her mind was a bonfire night where they shared their first kiss together. It was a first for both of them alike, and it felt amazing. Sitting by the firelight, the warmth of its presence creating the perfect atmosphere as she leaned in and met his lips, everyone sitting there watching. The soft glow of the moonlight drowned out by the fire and the night sky was almost a perfect type of dark.

Remembering that moment made her smile, as it had been the first special moment she'd shared with him. She had been uncertain if the relationship was truly what she wanted up to that point, but that kiss made her certain. Her body grew all tingly and fuzzy inside, and she felt somehow at home as he draped his arm around her, and they laughed. It had been a perfect night, and she somehow was feeling the same feeling now.

She sat up slowly and got Spring's attention. Her mind was a bit absent as she pushed her hands up the other girl's sides and up under her arms, pulling her closer. She closed her eyes slowly as she met her lips. It had been her first time kissing a girl, and she could definitely say that she had a bias towards it now. It felt different, but a good kind of different.

She pulled away, opening her eyes slowly to find Spring staring wide-eyed at her. Maggie giggled as she laid back on the couch and Spring sat there in silent awe. She had no clue how to respond to what had just happened. It had been her first kiss and her first romantic experience of any type with a girl. Her mind was a thousand places at once.

"Oh no, I think I broke her," Maggie said out loud to herself, still giggling.

"No I- I just- I'm so surprised, I don't know how to respond."

"You don't need to. I just felt the need to do that, so I did it. Didn't mean to break your mind there."

"Can we do it again?"

"Sure thing."

Maggie smiled as they leaned into each other again. The kiss lasted longer, and they were both leaning into a bit more. Both of them felt so right and so wrong to be in this situation. Spring, as this was a girl who had just broken up with her best friend, it felt like she was taking advantage. And Maggie, stealing the lips of the girl who had wanted someone else's. But at the same time, they didn't stop themselves.

They pulled away, and Maggie pulled Spring to her chest. The silence at that moment was the perfect thing, as they were each contemplating their feelings. Maggie was sure of this, she had no doubts. Spring was cute, had an infectious smile, and knew what was going on. It felt right. Spring questioned where it could go, wondering if it was just a passing feeling, one that would fade with time. She'd understand if it was, though it wouldn't be the best thing for her mental health. Not like it could be helped, though.

But it wasn't long before they were each lulled to sleep on one another, the late-night moon to be turned into the noon sun by the time they awoke.


	20. The End

A breakup that ended in chaos. A night spent with a close friend that left him wondering if his decisions were correct if his judgement made any sense. She had to whisper to him words of sombre comfort in the hopes that he would leave with the smile he once held. Back to normal. The reality of the situation hit her like a truck at that moment, and she realised she had the ability to say something.

His black hair was fading back in from the purple it had been dyed with, and she believed that the mixed colours suited him better. He looked like some sort of punk-rocker or emo band lead to her, without the need for some sort of dark getup. He was just himself. He and his boyfriend had been at ends for around the past two months, right around the time when he started checking up on her more regularly. It felt good to finally have a friend who cared, but she knew that she was the cause of the end of their relationship.

She didn't understand how Fredrick had seen her as any sort of threat to his territory, she refused to act on any feeling of love that she got. Her first real love interest was the best showcase of that fact. She never told him directly how she felt, and he left her. He left her for a girl that made him feel things he always had a hard time truly describing, but nonetheless, she understood.

She was no threat to their magic, and she honestly wished that Bonnie had just spent his time with Fredrick instead. It was Bonnie himself who insisted on checking in on her at all. She knew she'd been the subject of each argument as it went along, the both of them eventually growing to hate each other more and more. It saddened Spring, to say the least. She always thought they were cute together, that their relationship was beyond perfection.

Bonnie liked to claim that there were other reasons that the breakup and arguments took place, but she knew the reality inside. There had been a more watchful eye from his brunet boyfriend, and his hawk's eye wasn't exactly subtle. His lear was obvious, and his gaze felt intense each time she came across him. She had to smile nervously and hope he didn't wring her neck.

Not that she feared death as it was, she welcomed it at times. She didn't believe she had much to keep living for, there was nothing left for her. Everyone around her had found their happy mediums, their lasting relationships. Every time she would try to pipe up she'd just get shot back down again. Whether it be because they had their eye on someone else or were with someone else already. She never fell in love with someone that she could never pursue. The one she loved now was here, laying silently in her lap, questioning his own decisions.

"I already miss him so much," he said weakly, as he vainly tried to hold back tears. "I won't get to feel the way he held me every night, those occasions of our own heated lust fuelling us. Not even those cute dates we'd have on occasion, where we'd just walk around and see what was happening around town. None of that can happen anymore."

"He seemed a bit overprotective to me. He wanted you for nothing but himself and didn't really let you have many friends outside of that," Spring replied.

"He always seemed to be fine with friends until I was friends with you, and I could never figure out why. He knows you perfectly well and knows that you would respect our relationship as you have this whole time. The one he should've been worried about was me. I don't know what's up with him."

"I don't know, either. Because when I do have feelings for someone, I never act on them. I mean, I never told Alfred straight up that I loved him. I hinted at it and said some things that he picked up, but I never outright told him how I felt. Was I wrong for it? Probably, but he found someone he could be a lot happier with. He had his sights set, and I didn't change them because it wasn't my place.

"Exactly. I just- I want to know what got into him, I want to know what I could've done to save the relationship. All I was doing was making sure that things were going okay with you, occasionally doing my best to just get you out of your apartment. I don't see how that equates to you and I trying to have an affair- I don't get it. And sure, there were other things along the way, but that was his main issue. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, for fuck's sake."

I don't know what to tell you, Bon. I think you made the right decision based on what you've told me, but it's clear that you don't think you've done right by yourself by breaking up. I'd rather you worried about what you wanted and not me, but I can't change you."

"I guess you have a point. Now that I've said it all out loud, I don't regret it as much. I'll still definitely miss him emotionally, though."

"Even though I've never had a relationship, I'm sure everyone has missed their exes a little bit. So long as it doesn't become obsessive, I think that's okay."

He sat up next to her, staring at the wall. He sighed before adjusting himself so he was sitting properly on the couch, leaning on Spring's shoulder. He placed his hand to the side of her arm as she remained still, blushing lightly. She didn't attempt to hide it, as it was obvious he wasn't looking at her face.

He closed his eyes as he yawned, the night growing older and older. It had been such an emotional experience for him that he felt spent, and was ready to turn in. But at the same time, he didn't want to go home. He knew his mother would tear him to shreds with her words, and he wouldn't be able to communicate with Spring for a while. He knew she needed a friend to check up on her, and he insisted on filling that position when no one else would.

"Hey, sorry for dragging you into this," he apologised. "You didn't need to comfort me in the middle of this, you didn't need to be involved at all. I know relationships are a soft spot for you, so I'm especially sorry for that."

"Don't be. We're friends, I'm here to help you if you need something just as you've done with me," she assured him in reply. "If you need someone to just sit here and tell you that you made the right decision, I'll be there for you. Anything you need, just come to me. You know I don't really have anything going on, so I'm open if you want to talk or something. I'll be here."

"I know, I just- I feel bad about trying to ask you for advice in this sorta situation because you aren't familiar with that kind of thing. It just feels wrong to bring this type of responsibility on you, and I just want to apologise for that. And apologise in advance for everything else that may come along."

"No, I get it, I understand how these sorts of things go. We're all human beings, we all have emotions, and some need friends to support them when they're feeling stressed or upset. I have been in that exact situation for most of my life, and I know what it's like to not have someone to be able to hold you up. It wears you down and slowly kills you from the inside. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone."

Bonnie went silent for a few moments, pondering his next action in conversation. He knew that there were things she'd probably never get to experience due to her nerves and her personality, and those were things he wanted her to be a part of. He had been her first kiss, but she had yet to experience a proper relationship and what came with that. He wanted her to be a part of that.

But at the same time, he knew he was trying to heal. He'd said that night that he loved her more than anything, but he wasn't sure if he could still stand on those words. He told her to hold him to it, but he didn't know if he could withstand that anymore. He knew she wasn't the type of person that would berate him about it, but he'd disappoint her, and it pained him to know when she was outwardly disappointed. His relationship had ended in shambles once again, so he figured that it was just the situation getting to him, and he'd be fine in time. However, he didn't want to jump in if he was going to feel this way for a long time.

"Hey," she started off again, pulling him out of thought, "it's getting a tad late. Do you think you should maybe go home?"

"No," Bonnie replied simply. "I don't want to go home, I don't want my mom to yell at me and keep me from going outside of the house for the rest of my life. I've been trying for so long just to get away, and that's what my relationship had become. An escape."

"Well, I don't know what I'm meant to do for you. I don't have an extra bed for you to sleep in, no guest room."

"I can get a blanket and sleep on the couch, at least for the time being. I still need to get some of my stuff from Fredrick's place, but not right now. Not tonight."

"I feel really bad about putting you in that situation."

"I put myself in this situation, don't feel bad. I felt like it would last forever, I should've known better. But I just don't want to go home and deal with that shit. At least not right now. Not until I feel better."

"Well, I can't really tell you not to, I just feel bad about it."

"As I said, don't feel bad. It's not your fault. Nothing to do with me has ever been your fault. Well, minus the time I kissed you on your birthday. That was your fault."

That got a short, quiet chuckle out of Spring before she brought her hand up to her chest, holding the gem of the same necklace he had gotten her. She smiled a bit before it faded. She remembered what he said, but wasn't going to force it on him. If he loved her still, he would be the one to initiate the conversation. She didn't want to press.

She wandered absent-mindedly into her room, not bothering to change out of her clothes from the day. She laid down and stared at the ceiling in the dark. What was she meant to do? Was this her chance to finally take her place in a relationship, to be the one to express her feelings at long last? Or was she just meant to be the support until he could get back to his feet and find someone he cared about more?

What was she meant to do? She was so confused and lost, with no way of knowing what to do. It was all too much of a blur, she wasn't ready to deal with what the consequences were for making the wrong choice. If she asked and he didn't feel the same anymore, would things be awkward between them? If she didn't ask when she was supposed to, would they grow distant and she'd lose him the same way she did Alfred? She didn't know anymore.

She was tired of losing friends so often, she wanted something to stay permanent. She wanted to know that she'd never lose him, she wanted to live in a world where friends weren't so hard to make, and she had at least a few that cared about her. Never without someone to tell her things would be okay.

She awoke the next morning with Bonnie shaking her awake. She cracked an eye open as he stood over her with a smile. His smile brought her to open her eyes fully and sit up. She felt his arms wrap around her tightly and his lips press to her cheek. Her face grew hot as she sat there in awe. His gesture on her birthday hadn't been an empty promise, at least, for the moment. Maybe he was still faking it but remembered to follow his own lie. There was a pressure on her shoulders, wondering if she had manipulated him into loving her.

"I know what's going on in your head, I'm not lying to you," he whispered against her cheek. "You're too cute and precious to lie to, and I'm very aware that it would just hurt you more than my honesty."

She placed her hands on his hips in reply, smiling silently as she turned her face to meet his. He pressed his nose to her, taking her hands and holding them up. Her smile grew wider, and ear-to-ear grin of giddiness forming. Butterflies in her stomach and worries taking shelter in her mind were pushed aside to enjoy this moment. It was the first time in a long time she'd felt something other than the biting cold of her insides. His body so close to hers gave her the warmth she always craved, the solace she wanted.

He knew that maybe he was getting ahead of himself, but after last night he felt like he'd truly gotten his mind in order. He saw just how awful of a relationship he'd had with Fredrick. And though he didn't regret it in its entirety, he knew that it hadn't been the healthiest time of his life. He kept it going because it was his first true love, the one he felt was perfect for him. They'd been best friends for so long, he was intimately familiar with him already.

But while they had their cute moments, their movie and dinner dates he adored, the social aspect of their relationship had become a hell on Earth he ignored because he enjoyed the former half. He spoke to friends less, and Fredrick more. When he was finally ready to break from that and talk to others, the brunet had been quite controlling. He always tried to keep an eye on those friends if they got too close. Spring had obviously seen that already, but it took her pointing it out for him to notice. Things had already gone wrong by then, but it made him feel better about what happened in the end.

"I love you, Spring," he whispered to her.

"I love you too," she replied.

"I promise you, I'll be with you for as long as I love you, and I will always do my best to be transparent with you."

"Thank you. I will do the same with you. I'll try not to hide it if something's bothering me, as I often do."

"I'm glad to hear that. So, what should we do first now that we're a thing."

"I don't know and I don't care, all I know is that I'm happy."

Bonnie stood up and smiled at her. "That's all I've ever wanted to hear from you."

Spring followed suit, standing. "Well, now you get to hear it."

* * *

 **2,629 words.**

 **This is the final oneshot from this collection, as a number of things have happened to where I can't find the inspiration to write much for it anymore. So I feel like twenty is a good time to end it, as I have no more inspiration to continue. But, something in the future will come to replace it. Just trust me.**


End file.
